Chapter 8 - Friends

<<<

I don't want to face him.I know that nothing good will become of it. What if he finds out whats really happening? Will he ever speak to me again?

I head towards my history class trying to get him out of my mind. I don't need him to distract me. Unfortunately when I sit down in history, I know the moment he steps into the room. I can feel his presence and his eyes on me. But I can't bring myself to look up. Who knows what will result in that.

He sits down next to me, yet neither of us speak. I see people staring at us, well more at Jake really, considering the fact that he never sits back here and he's missing his entourage of girls. Girls who are actually giving me nasty looks right now.

Halfway into the class while I'm taking notes, Jake reaches over and hands me a note. I tap my pencil against the desk and stare at it as I question if I should open it up or not. If I do, what exactly will I be getting myself into. Nothing is simple with him. Can I handle that? I guess we'll find out.

I grab the paper and open it up and read. It's short and simple, only saying : can we talk later?

I can feel him staring at me so I just crumble the paper up and nod. Maybe this is a good opportunity to talk to him. Because despite what I said yesterday, whatever is happening between us needs to stop. I need to to tell him that one and for all, without giving into his charms. I need to stay strong because this can't continue.

I need to resist him.

<<

I lead Emma outside the building and away from prying eyes. I feel like every time we're re really talking we get interrupted.

" A lot of things happen yesterday," I say turning to face her, " Things that I think we should talk about."

" I agree, we need to settle whatever it is that's happening."

Do I tell her how I feel? Or that I know what's happening to her. I mean I know Any said she wasn't safe, but except for her cutting herself what else is their to prove that? There are a lot of people who have a good life and loving parents, yet they still harm themselves.

" I want to be with you."

" i think we should stop hanging out."

Both of us stop and register the words that were spoken. She doesn't want to be with me? But she said...

" You said my feelings weren't one sided, I don't understand."

Emma glances around nervously as if she's going to bolt.

" Don't," I growl, " We need to talk and get this over with and if that means I have to hold you down or lock you in a room then so be it."

A flash of fear crosses her face before it's placed with annoyance. Maybe I probably shouldn't have said that.

" You wouldn't do that because their are cameras all around the room," She says her voice shaking. She takes a step back from me but doesn't make a move to run.

" obviously i wouldn't hurt you," I say frowning, I just really wanted to talk."

" As much as you might want that to happen, as much as I want that to happen, it can't. It won't. There are things that you don't understand, things that need to be left alone."

" And why is that hmm? How bad are your secrets?"

" That's my business Jake and honestly I don't see why you care about this so much, there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

Yet none of them can compare to you, I think silently. I go over to her and cup her face in my hands. Shit if those lips don't looks inviting, I need to kiss her.

" I don't any of them," I say right before I press my lips against hers.

Emma let's out a small moan and one of her hands come up to tangle themselves in my hair. The kids didn't last long before she's pushing me away,

" No!" She exclaims, pushing me away, " I told you we can't be together and your not listening. Look we're already missing class ok and I can't get in trouble. We need to leave."

" ok," I say running my hand through my hair in frustration, " you win. I still want to hang out with you so can we at least be friends?"

<<<<

Friends? He wants to be friends? I rub my forehead as if that's going to stop the oncoming headache I feel coming. This is tiring and if being his friend will stop this madness then so be it. It's not like it's going to last forever. He'll eventually get bored and moved on.

I just need to protect my heart until then

" sure," I say, " But we're friends only and that's it."

~~~~~~~~~

" How come you never go to the cafeteria." Jake asks one day. I tense at the question and wonder why he's randomly bringing this up.

" Because I don't feel like it," I say keeping my answer simple. He doesn't need to know that my my mom only feeds me when she feels like it and Im never given much money.

But that's okay since I've learned to control it. The longest I can't last until the hunger really gets to me is about a week and a half. But usually I'm given food by then unless my mom goes on vacation or she thinks I need to be punished. That's a whole other story.

" But do you eat anything," he says studying me. "I don't think I've once seen you eaten here."

" Guess I'm just not hungry," I say pretending to read the book in front of me.

" Is that the truth," Jake asks. My head snaps up to look at him and my heart picks up speed. Does he know? Oh god he can't know.

" Of course it is," I say trying to keep my voice from shaking, " Why would I lie about that."

He just shrugged and leans back in his seat, " Dint know. Call it a feeling. You can keep your secrets for now Emma, but soon you'll slip. "

" I have no secrets," I say glaring at him, " And if your only talking to me to learn my 'deepest and darkest secrets' then personally I don't want to hang out with you anymore."

" That's not the reason I hang out with you Emma. You know why I'm here. I'll take you any manner I get, even if I have to be friends. But don't worry, my charms are irresistible and you'll give in one day.

" Will I?"

"I'm not giving up."

" Well see," I say shaking my head. I know he'll give up soon. I just have to remember J that, I don't need to believe In something that's never going to happen.

" are you still cutting?" He suddenly blurts out.

" Excuse me?" A mixture of emotions flow through me ranging from embarrassment to anger.

" Sorry," he says wincing, " I just wanted to know."

" And yet I fail to see how that's any of your business."

" I know I know... but I'm your friend. I want to help you."

" You know what Jake I think you should leave, Lunch is almost over you have other people to talk to."

He stands up but instead of leaving he walks over and sits down in the seat beside me.

" Don't be like Emma ok? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. It's none of my business." He touched my arm lightly but I flinch at the touch and move away. I stand up and grab my backpack off the back of my chair.

" If you won't leave then I will." I grab the book I was reading and attempted to leave. But I didn't it make that far before Jake suddenly appears in front of me.

" I don't know why but I always have the worst feeling when your mad at me, I hate it," he says frowning.

" Let me leave."

" Don't be mad long ok? I like talking to you."

" I'm not mad," I say defeated. How can I resist him when he looks so vulnerable. " I won't ignore you."

" Thank you," he says stepping back. He opens his mouth as if to say something else but then seems to decide against it.

" I'll see you in English ok?"

He gives me a small smile and then nods. I like Jake, more than I should. I'm going to hate it when this is over.