After some time, Van was floating inside the dark blue water.
A week has passed since Van's breakdown. The moment he thought that he was going to die from hunger, he will always feel a sting in his right shoulder, and then his hunger would almost disappear.
He did not understand what this thing that was keeping him alive was, but he didn't like it at all. It was more like hell, he couldn't move, or could he see. He could only feel his body and be hungry almost all the time, even though that sting on his right shoulder was helping him from hunger.
'How did I ended up like this?'
'And why can I not die?'
Those two questions went through his mind countless times for the past few days. Van mumbled these words in his mind repeatedly like a machine.
He couldn't sleep too well due to the hunger and because of the inability to move. He recovered from hunger from the thing that kept stinging on his right shoulder, but the inability to move was almost making him crazy.
Over and over again, he would fall asleep and lose his consciousness, only to be awoken by the hunger, which recovered instantly by the sting in his right shoulder. It was like the thing that kept stinging him was waiting for him to wake up before it could sting him. His mind was shutting down in agony. How many times had it been, repeating between light sleep and awakening?
Before Van noticed it, he had stooped sleeping. He had unconsciously selected a way to end his suffering, even though no man has died from the lack of sleep as of yet.
'If I have to continue staying like this... I might as well...'
His innermost thoughts murmured as his will to die emerged.
Another two days had passed, and the lack of sleep and the inability to move was slowly breaking his mind, but yet, he persisted to stay awake. He was afraid to sleep as that might make him stay alive.
'Another three days awake and perhaps...'
Four days later
'Why am I not dead yet??'
'And why should I?'
Torn apart by the contradictory wish to die and the new desire to live, the Van now could no longer think clearly and was muttering deliriously.
However, just a little a while ago, on the fifteen-day, Van's mind began to experience changes. Alternating between his wish to die and live, he single-mindedly waited for this hell-like torture to end, but a murky darkness bubbled forth from within. That dark slime-like substance flowed through the cracks from all that fear and pain, eroding the innermost depth of Van's mind.
'Why do I have to suffer... what have I done to deserve this?'
'Why did I receive such treatment... for what reason?'
'Yes, I know... probably because I did nothing, right? Probably...'
'I was cursed unreasonably.'
'Gods tried to kill me?'
'My family betrayed me...'
'They killed me, and they buried me in the house backyard.' Van's thoughts were becoming colder and colder.
Van's thinking was gradually dyed blacker and blacker, like an ink drop on a white canvas. The intense weakness and hunger, as well as seeing only darkness, corroded Van's spirit, further accelerating those dark feelings.
'Why didn't anyone help me?'
'What should I do if no one helps?'
'Whose fault was it, who forced all these unreasonable happenings onto him, who hurt him... unconsciously searching for an enemy.'
But just then, another voice was heard. 'But why should I care?'
'We can't change the things that happened, or should we have our revenge against those that tried to harm us?'
'Those that harmed us are in another world, and we can't defeat the god who tried to kill us...'
The will to live was making his thoughts blacker and colder just to make him live. But the will to die was also strong enough to counterattack and make a reasonable list that Van could not possibly deny. The will to live and to die were strong enough to make a balance that made Van calmer than usual.
'What do I want?'
'I want to live.' Was the whisper that came from all over his body and soul. The arrival of death made every cell on his body and every substance of his soul scream in fear. The fear of death was way stronger than people can even imagine, probably because this was also his last life before his soul extinguish.
But there was also another voice that didn't give up. 'But what's the point, even if I survive where would I go?'
'We're still in the dungeon with Akka, and obviously, we're not dead yet, as long as we preserve...'
'But isn't that being a burden?' But the voice still didn't give up, and his list of things that he said was so reasonable that made the will to live, speechless.
'Exactly, she saved me too many times, even though she didn't know me, not like...' Van mumbled to himself and let the last words unsaid. A minute of absolute silence followed.
'But who knows what plans she has after leaving this place.'
'Humph, it's not like I have another choice, and obviously, even If I don't sleep for another week, I will not die so I can only stay here and wait.' A voice of sarcasm and unwillingness rung out, and after that, only silence followed for a long time.
...
This was the first time after being in this strange state for Van to be this calm. It's like putting yourself inside a coffin, the moment you stay more than five seconds in a dark and narrow place, you will freak out. The first thought that will come into your mind is: 'can I open the coffin and get out?' But at least in the coffin, you can still move and hear.
But Van doesn't have this luxury.
'Sigh.'
While sighing in his mind, Van was distracted by his own thoughts, so he didn't notice anything weird around him.
*SLAP*