Pam and Jenna have been friends for a long time. The thing that happened 7 years ago, only her mom and Dindin's family knew about it. It was not something to be proud of or she could casually discuss with anyone.
"Pam...Pam..."
Pam was spacing out, when Jenna called her repeatedly she slowly shifted her gaze to her friend. Her eyes were full of sadness.
Jenna held her hands, it was the touch that tells her it's alright you can tell me about it.
Taking a deep breath, "I don't know if I am still capable of bearing a child."
"What do you mean? Are you sick in the uterus?" Since she thought of freezing her egg cells it's must be the womb that is unable care for the growing fetus, Jenna was thinking.
Pam just nodded her head.
"But you look healthy what happened? When were you diagnosed? It is not life threatening isn't it?" Her hand holding Pam tightened.
"Jenna...I did this to myself," Pam began to sob. "I got myself pregnant, unmarried. I was careless and too young to know what to do." Tears are now rushing down her face.
"Is it Tim's?"
Pam could only nod in between sobbing. "Why did you leave him when you knew you were pregnant?"
"I only learned about it after we broke up."
"But did you really broke up?"
"Does it matter? We were bound to separate anyways."
"Pam I don't know if I should tell you this. Let me ask you, have you ever thought that Tim really truly loved you before? I know you heard him say you were his fucking toy." She rubbed her hand and continued, "last time Mark and I had a chance to talk to him. I am puzzled about what happened to the two of you. You were clearly in love with each other. I don't understand why you suddenly left him. But it was boys talk, what you heard last time.
"How could he address me like that in front of his friends?"
"Pam, Tim and his friends are mostly Americans. They talk like that when they are together they tease each other. It's like girls talk but they are a bit crude and ruthless in words. You probably heard only part of what Tim said that time.
Pam's body was enveloped by coldness. Was she that stupid? She never thought of clearing things with Tim or was she too afraid to know the truth. She just chose to escape rather than to face the truth.
"I should have taken care of my body. When mom learned about my pregnancy she had cardiac arrest. I don't know how she learned about it. Because of my recklessness, mom died. She was probably too disappointed with me."
"Pam you are too harsh on yourself, your mom has been sick. The news may have affected her but it was not your intention. Don't blame your self too much."
"I feel so guilty Jenna... sometimes I dream about it. Mom dying on my hands and the unborn baby. That time when I rushed back home I didn't know I was losing my baby. I only wanted mom to return. I just wanted her to live a little longer."
Pam recalled how it felt like the world is crushing on her shoulder. She was distressed and restless. Without realizing her body if falling apart as well. Blood dripped on her legs unnoticed. Had not someone from the hospital pointed it out, she could have been dead. Just in time Dindin came and that is the scenario that she saw. Pam pale as paper, her lips so dry and her eyes lost it's soul.
"I have been pregnant even before I became a bride. I have lost my baby even before I became a mother."
Jenna moved beside Pam to hug her. "Pam stop thinking so negative of what had happened. You are still young. Freezing your egg cell may be a good idea for now. What is important is to stop thinking of the bad memories. You have gone this far to move one continue with a positive mind."
"I tried, God knows I tried...I am not sure why He had to make our paths cross once more. It brought back everything, good and bad. When mom died I wasn't able to send her properly to her final rest. Auntie Sue performed an emergency surgery with me to remove the baby. Because the fetus is dead for a while, my uterus has been infected and damaged. Even if I get pregnant one day the chance of the baby staying alive in my uterus is 50 to 70%. God has punished me."
Pam's shoulder was shaking as she cried. Jenna could only comfort her with a tight hug. She realized how life has been cruel to Pam when she was 21. Her life could have been different if she confronted Tim. Perhaps her mom could still be alive today living everyday looking at her grandchild.
Meantime in Shanghai, Tim managed to enter Lissy's room. He had a bouquet of 99 roses in her room and a champagne. Today is a good time to propose. Because of exhaustion from the travel, Tim fell a sleep. When he woke up, the room is completely dark.
He managed to see the room through the light in his mobile phone. It's now 9:00pm and Lissy is still not in the room. 'Why is she not here? I actually slept for about 4 hours?!'
He was about to message Dindin when he remembered that this was supposedly a surprise. He arranged for Lissy not to know, he just requested Dindin to make way such that by 5:00 Lissy is at the hotel already. Lissy was probably caught up in clients dinner.
Tim decided to go down the reception and take his room key. He booked himself in another room. The roses and champagne will likely surprise and puzzle Lissy tomorrow. He will knock on her door early in the morning and take her for breakfast.