28
Promise.
In which Sebastian intends to keep the promise he made.
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1 week later.
» SEBASTIAN »
WHEN I WOKE UP, I WAS met with an empty bed. The warm body that laid beside me was gone and in her place was rumpled sheets and a pillow that had fallen to the floor. Once I allowed my eyes to adjust, I slowly got out of bed and made my way to the adjacent bathroom.
The first thing that caught my eye was the cut that extended across my chest. It was still healing but looked more apparent than I had hoped. I sighed and reached for my razor before it dawned on me that I didn't have enough energy to shave properly. And Mira loved it so I skipped that part of my morning routine and exited the bathroom once I was done.
Silence captured the room and I began to wonder where she was. She wasn't making breakfast since the kitchen was also empty, but the cupboard that held all my alcohol was left opened.
It was only 10 in the morning. If she was drinking already I was incredibly worried. She was a lightweight and didn't seem to like drinking a lot of alcohol, but if memory served me right, two bottles of whiskey were missing.
"Mira?" I called out, traipsing to the stairs. The upstairs area of my penthouse had been undergoing renovations that had been recently finished so of course she would be there.
I was no where near healed enough to climb stairs, and I started to wonder why she was doing this until I remembered what she told me the first time she'd been to Cade's grave. January 8th was an incredibly hard time for her.
Deciding to throw caution to the wind, I held on tightly to the bannister and got onto the first step. It took a while, but I made it to the top almost breathless before I walked into the first door that was open.
She was sat on the floor, an open whiskey bottle in her hand and a closed one to the right of her. It didn't look like she had drunk any so I leaned down and pried the bottle from her hand before closing it and gathering the other one.
"You can mourn your mother, baby. But not like this—it's not healthy to do this."
She didn't reply and instead remained with her back turned to me. I walked around her and pulled the only chair that was in the room in front of her.
"Mira, talk to me." She had to talk to me of her own accord, there was no forcing her to do anything since I knew I hated talking about my feelings if I wasn't ready.
Her eyes resembled the dark, rich colour of the whiskey I took from her and I frowned at the dimness of them. They seemed so lifeless in that moment that my heart broke in two. She remained silent for a few more minutes before she raised her head.
"Whiskey helps—I can't go through the day feeling like this. Whiskey helps and that's it.
My hands reached out for her and I caressed her face in a gentle manner. In that moment, she was a fragile china doll that would shatter any second. The tension between us was palpable when she removed my hand and scooted back to put distance between us.
I had never seen her like this.
She reached around me for the whiskey bottle and in my state, I wasn't quick enough to stop her. Pushing herself from the ground, she backed herself into a wall before she slid back down onto the floor, twisting the cap open with a shaky hand.
"Mirabelle..."
"She used to call me that," her dead eyes drained the last tears of the morning as her lips trembled. "So don't say it—not today."
Trying to take the bottle from her took more effort than warranted, but I'd be damned if she was going to self destruct. "I'll pour every drink I have in the sink if I have to, Mira. You're not going to do this, it's not healthy."
The whiskey spread across the floor once it fell from my hand, the sound of glass shattering piercing the air. Other than the initial reaction of tensing up slightly, I paid no further attention to it and closed the distance between us.
"Look at me." She was staring at my shoulder intensely but when I had enough and raised her chin so I could see her eyes, I felt goosebumps rise on my skin. She had that much of an effect on me. "Tell me what I can do to make it better."
From our previous conversations, I knew she spent the day alone every year, drinking away her sorrows. That didn't sit well with me since she couldn't hold her liquor and to feel alone on such a painful day didn't help at all. I may have been intruding, but as the love of my life, I could never let her feel as if she had no one.
She would always have me, whether she wanted me or not.
A forlorn sigh drifted into the air before she dug her face into my neck and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Sebastian..." she murmured in a quiet voice. "I really want to be alone today." Pulling back, her eyes met mine once again. "I promise I won't drink, and after today I'll be back to normal."
I leaned forward to kiss her, but she simply held my face in her hands to press her lips to my forehead. "I'll clean the mess up and call you later."
When she brushed passed me, my hand hooked onto her wrist to stop her in her tracks. "I love you."
My words were barely acknowledged, and with that she was gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Since it was encouraged by my doctor to try settle back into every day life, I had decided to go to a small café. Accompanying me was my bodyguard and James, which was a slightly foreign feeling as I hadn't seen him for nearly two months.
"How have you been, brother?"
I eased myself more comfortably in the booth and mustered up a smile. "As good as expected. Mira has been taking good care of me."
James smiled softly and sipped on his tea. "Last time I saw you, you weren't even together. Do you love her?"
Like a reflex, I nodded and inwardly shook my head at the sappy grin that overtook my features. "It's scary how much I love her. But sometimes I feel like I love her more than she loves me. When I think I know her inside out, she becomes an enigma to me."
James listened intently and his azure eyes misted over with curiosity. "Mira was in love with you even before you were together. I used to tease her about it all the time."
That made me smile, but it didn't mean that I wasn't an insecure piece of shit. Before her, I didn't care much for relationships and baring my heart and soul to someone wasn't even something I thought about. Maybe it was bad that I craved her love and affection all the time.
"That changed after she found out about Cade and my illness. I'm pretty sure she'll run for the hills once I'm healed."
My best friend of 18 years frowned and tilted his head as if what I said was so unbelievable. "You doubt how much she loves you. In a room full of people, you're the only one who exists to her."
I smiled a weak smile, not exactly wanting to tell him that ever since Weston died, we weren't even sleeping in the same bed throughout the night. She would wait until I fell asleep to go into the guest bedroom, and with her being so busy with her restaurant, this morning was the most we spoke in a week.
It was enough that she was still with me.
After brunch, James left to spend time with his family and when he tried to convince me to come with, I instantly declined. The Douglases had yet to see me, but I knew if I saw them it would make me regret living. Cade looked too similar to his mother and one look at her would make me hate myself even more.
It was one thing pretending around Mira. I just couldn't do it around them, not anymore.
Instead, I opted to call Mira on the way to my parents' house. That plan was dead in the water the moment she hung up. I knew she needed space, but I was just so worried. And needless to say, I didn't see her that night.
By Tuesday, I was even more worried.
By Friday, I realised she was ignoring me.
By Saturday, I knew she needed a lot more than space.
So by Monday, I had almost given up.
Wednesday night was when I decided it had all become a bit too ridiculous. From texting Ada that morning, I deduced that Mira hadn't even been staying at the apartment, which had me very confused.
I managed to catch her by surprise when I showed up at the restaurant unannounced. Her eyes widened when she saw me sitting on her desk.
"Hey stranger." My eyes didn't waver from hers as she closed the door.
"What are you doing here, Sebastian?"
I stood up and even though I was beginning to feel better, it would be another month before all the side effects were gone. "I'm here to see my girlfriend who has been avoiding me for the past week."
She frowned and broke eye contact. "I wasn't avoiding you. I've just been really busy."
"Busy enough that you couldn't even let me know you're okay—are you okay?"
Emotionless honey eyes moved back to mine. She appeared like the epitome of tiredness and I knew it was because she probably had no one to cuddle with at night. That lead to another question.
"Where have you been, pumpkin?"
"You don't want to know." My heart dropped and my initial thought was that she cheated on me, but I had to remind myself that she wouldn't be able to. One because she couldn't make me feel the way Weston made her feel and two, she knew no matter how much I loved her, I wouldn't be able to be with her if she did. Too much would've happened in our relationship.
I hope she wants this relationship as much as I do.
I began to watch her as she ventured further into her office, walking towards a cupboard that held some of her best wine. She poured some into a glass and brought it to her lips. The woman in front of me was a stranger and I was determined to make it right.
"I made a promise, Mira." When she placed the glass down, my arms wounded around her body. In an instant, she was putty in my arms. "I'm here for you no matter what, and you're not going to push me away."
"I'm not trying to push you away, Sebastian." She uttered lowly as her hands threaded through my hair. "I'm not in a good place right now and I would hate to take it out on you."
"Baby." I cupped her face in my hands and stared into her eyes. "I would rather have you shouting at me than not talking to me at all. You've been my rock. Let me be yours."
Her eyelids tiredly came down and she sighed. "You want me to be honest? Tell you everything I'm feeling? You won't like what I'm feeling."
My thumb caressed her cheek and I laid a tender kiss on her lips. It felt like an eternity since we had been this close. Two weeks to be exact. Her body melted into mine and my hands slid down the curves of her body.
"Try me."
"Weston wouldn't have died if he wasn't on the phone to me. The car crash happened straight after I ended the call. So I've been beating myself up for it because no matter how much I disliked him, he didn't deserve to die, especially without knowing that I had finally forgiven him. He once told me that he would never be truly happy if I wouldn't forgive him in time, so he died unhappy."
I frowned. "Are you serious?"
She made a move to step out of my arms, and I realised that it was a poor choice of words. "Listen to me carefully. I could never be hurt if you mourn him, I told you this already and his death isn't your fault. It was just poor timing that you were on the phone with him. I looked into it for you and the lorry driver was drunk. With a vehicle that big, there's no way Weston would've been able to swerve him."
Her eyes watered and she placed her hands on my chest. "If it's so easy for you to convince me that it wasn't my fault, how come you can't do the same for yourself?" she questioned, seeing my confused expression. "You talk in your sleep and you try to hide the fact that you're getting nightmares."
This time, it was me who stepped back from her embrace. Is that why she wouldn't stay the night?
"We're not talking about me, Mira."
"Why not?" she shrugged. "You're running from your demons too. We're two broken people who are trying to fix each other without seeing what's important. We should be whole on our own before we try give a part of ourselves to each other."
My eyebrows furrowed and my heart sunk. "This is sounding like a breakup."
She shook her head. "I'm not breaking up with you. I just want to tell you that I need to experience this alone. We can't bring this into our relationship." As assurance, she pulled me closer by my tie and stared up at me. "I want you. So you can stop worrying about me leaving. But, the first step we both need to take is therapy. It's long overdue."
Understanding where she was coming from, I nodded and felt my insecurities go away for a while. She stepped on her tiptoes and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "Tell me you're not going anywhere."
"I'm not going anywhere." I said without hesitation, pulling back to mould my lips to hers.
She was mine, and I was hers.