☁
The WhatsApp messages kept coming in, one after the other. Pressing my pillow against my eardrums was ineffective. I groaned, wondering why I had forgotten to turn off notifications on my handphone.
I stretched out my stubby arm, letting my fingers grapple on whatever they could grab hold of. The sound of something breaking apart on the tiled floor. The sleep dust lining my eyes refused to cooperate with this little investigation.
Somehow though, it let the light from my handphone's screen seep through. I winced and brought my phone closer to my face. 7.34a.m. 27th January 2011. Right.
That explained. I scrolled through the messages on my class' WhatsApp chat. Alphabets and numbers turned fuzzy thanks to sleep dust, but they spelt excitement. Anticipation over seeing familiar faces in their new JCs. Anxiety over being alone.
Hah. I replied with a sunglasses-wearing emoticon. Yet, seeing all that talk about JC made me ask myself why I was awake so early even though I did not need to.
I crawled out of my blanket and planted my feet on the floor. I pulled my door open only to be greeted by an empty house…as expected. Mah left a note on the fridge as usual.
Pah's half-finished pancake lied on its white plate…again. I heaved a sigh, wondering how he could be so sloppy. Irma's shoes were strewn all over the floor near the main door. I walked towards the shared family calendar and flipped towards April.
I bit my bottom lip, wondering why I had to wait three months just for school to start. Well, I had three months left, right? Before those group projects come in like a wrecking ball. Before those droning lecturers take over family dinners.
I changed into my PE attire and put on my socks. My bicycle leant against the wall. I patted its seat but made sure to do a visual check. Hopefully Irma had not adjusted it to be too high.
A thumb-up later and I found myself locking the door, taking my bicycle and myself for whatever new adventures were awaiting us, laughing away at my half=asleep friends dreading their first assembly as junior college students.
✩
Between being on an MRT train during peak hour or having Justin Bieber's 'Baby' blaring from every damned speaker in the school hall, I was not sure which was worse. Didn't the Baby hype die out last year?
Semangat Junior College's school hall was all dolled up for orientation, with banners donning the names of each orientation group being hung from the overhead gallery. The constant cheering only disoriented me further. Me – a conspicuous green dot within this sea of colours.
I brought my sky-blue sling bag close to my sides and shuffled around the hall in search of my orientation group. I wished those OGLs would stop cheering so loudly into my ears. I get it. You're Team Susanoo. Moving along. Where was my OG again? It was called 'Hecate', right? Written on a large red and silver banner were the words: Clash of the Titans.
I guessed their orientation was going to be based off various mythologies all over the world. I wondered if the following year should adopt some kind of ancient philosophers theme. Imagine leading a group called 'Plato' or one called 'Confucius'.
"Oh! Sorry," I said as I looked down at my feet.
I looked up and saw a very tall boy with a fauxhawk and thick black-rimmed glasses. Why did his deep-set eyes seem so familiar to me? I shrugged off that thought.
"Uhm, I'm sorry but do you know where the OG, Hecate, is?" I asked again.
How silly of me to ask a VS boy that question! He probably knew just as much as I did. Nonetheless, he pointed towards his left. I thanked him and made my way towards the OG.
Not another green pinafore in sight. The only other green I saw were the green skirts and polka-dotted blouse ensemble of those St. Margaret's girls. What did I expect anyway from my first time out of the east in forever?
I settled my bag down and straightened out my pinafore as I sat cross-legged. Some teacher was going to tell me to move in sooner or later but I was too comfortable with that spot by the doors. I unzipped my bag and took out my copy of Rani Manicka's The Rice Mother.
Books about my home were hard to come by. Just reading those descriptions that took me to places so familiar yet unfamiliar to me brought a smile as I found myself lost in that realm of rice paddies and the Titiwangsa mountains.
"Excuse me, may I have your name, please?" said a voice that took me back to this noisy school hall.
I looked up and saw a young teacher staring back at me. She knelt and placed the attendance sheet against her knees. I placed my finger on it and tried to look for my name.
"Tan Mei Xing?" she clarified.
"Please call me Mei," I said back.
She nodded her head and proceeded to move on towards the next student. I watched as she approached the rest of my OG-mates with a fiery confidence. I began to dread those ice-breaker games, the matchmaking, the contact games. Even those subject talks and principal's address seemed more exciting.
Did I have an opportunity to escape? I guess not. Yet, I just wanted to be alone with my book. It would not judge me or force me to say anything. I wanted to hide within the awnings of the stage. I wanted…
My feet were not as nimble. A force in my legs told me not to go. My heart wanted out though. The noise…the cacophony. I could not take it. I put my hands over my ears, rose to my feet and rushed for the washroom as the noise attacked my senses like a merciless meteor shower.
❀
Imagine being made to introduce yourself to everyone. Even shouting 'sekolah sedia' was something foreign to me. Standing in front of the entire student population was already awkward enough.
The impending rain caused the entire campus to have this foreign gloomy air to it. Was it the musty smell of rain? Was it the grey clouds that made it seem like night was forever? It was as if all the school spirit was contained in the hall alone. Some of the year two students looked at us with curiosity. New gossip would eventually fill the college.
My OGLs stared at me with wide eyes and pumped fists. Three months. I had never spoken to such a wide group of people in three months. I looked at the two Mentos sweets in my palm. I just had to say two things about myself, right?
"Err…hello, everyone. My name is Luqman. I was from Queensway Secondary and I like to cook," I said, voice trembling.
Right after that, I sat back on my chair and stared at the ceiling fan, thanking it silently for cooling me down. The rest of my OG clapped and off we went to the next person.
I watched as the tanned girl who was clad in the SJC uniform rose to her feet, her right arm in a dark blue sling. She stared out of the window before she turned to face Mrs Kam and the rest of the OG. Her round, brown eyes bore through the whiteboard as she tried to think of something. And she did.
"I'm Harini. I'm a retainee. I like rainy days and hamsters," she said before sitting down again.
The game went on for another 13 times. I was in a new environment with people whose lives were far different from mine. Being put with people from those 'atas' schools like Cedar Girls', Catholic High and such made me realise that this junior college was a whole different congkak game altogether. Well, there is always a first time for everything I guess.
♛
The Singaporean weather decided to bitch with us again, doing everything it can to make us irritated. One moment, it can be scorching hot and the next thing you know, you're drenched. Well, the lightning alert sounded and that meant that the outdoor games would have to be cancelled. We were directed back to the hall for 'mass activities'.
"Don't worry, juniors! We have a back-up plan in case of wet weather! Now's a great time to show your 'Semangat'! Yes, you heard right! It's time for the mass dance," said Samuel, my OGL and the programme coordinator. Man. Referring to him as Samuel is still awkward as hell for me because my name is also Samuel.
I grimaced when I heard the last two words. Talking to people? Fun. Playing soccer? Damn fun. Mass dance? Damn shag. School spirit is important. I cannot stress this further, but I was always of the opinion that it can be done through other means that did not involve dancing. Wasn't learning the school cheer more important than some mass dance?
We were asked to put our bags at the sides of the hall. I put my orange backpack on the highest chair and did my warm-ups. I knew I was going to dread this. The air-conditioning began to run. We spaced ourselves. Hell was about to break loose. It did.
Wasn't Rihanna's Umbrella dead? It's 2011 for crying out loud. At least it wasn't 'Baby' I guess. I watched as the seniors demonstrated the dance to the entire student body. It just had to be a couple dance. Why did they have to normalise heterosexuality even in a fucking dance?
The very first thing that nearly every JC1 did was the scout their OGs for a female partner they might be comfortable with. Either that or they squirmed. I rarely had contact with another girl of my age, coming from a boy's school and all. Nonetheless, I scanned my OG for a decent girl to pair myself up with.
The names of most of my orientation group mates escaped me, even after two hours of being with them. An odd sight struck me. What was a girl doing here wearing trousers? I never saw that girl in my orientation group before. None of the guys seemed to be paired up with her which I did find peculiar seeing with the fact that she had pretty brown eyes that were huge and in general, just a really pretty face though it was a bit on the chubby side. Could it be because of her tomboyish aura and her flat chest?
When it was time for the dance to begin, we all scurried to our chosen dance partners. I approached the girl who was to become my unfortunate dance partner and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey. Want to be my partner?" I asked.
The gold and red badge above her pocket made me raise an eyebrow. Since when did Victoria School started accepting girls? And what was she doing here? Shouldn't she be in VJC?
"Well, since all the other girls are taken, I guess so," said the guy.
Yes, a boyish and rather nasal voice emerged from his full lips. Good job, Sam. You just mistook a guy for a girl, I thought to myself. I found my palm on my forehead. I embarrassed myself big time in front of my fellow orientation mate. The Victoria boy looked at me with his wide eyes, puzzling thoughts written on his face. Ok. I concluded that he was probably the prettiest guy I had ever seen in my life.
"You're Samuel, right? I hope I got your name right!" said the boy. I nodded my head, face still struck with the same wide-opened eyes and gaping mouth.
"Hi, Sam! I'm Minori!" the boy introduced himself. Soon, the music began to play. Everyone made space for each other once again. I was lost in my thoughts and my own stupidity. I could not focus on the OGLs leading the mass dance or the music. I could not even feel Minori nudging my sides.
"Sam? Err…Sam? They're gonna call those who are not enthusiastic up on stage to do a forfeit!" yelled Minori as he tried to combat the booming music.
I suddenly broke free from my thoughts. Too late already. They paused the music. Fuck.
✎
Faces swarmed past me, quite like the apparitions that were said to be haunting Bishan MRT. Or maybe JC students were no different from ghosts. I had become one myself, forced to wander through the sterile corridors of Semangat Junior College as I followed a fixed schedule, with the canteen as my usual haunt.
The pencil led snapped as I pressed against the sketchbook's paper. Maybe that was my punishment for thinking thoughts that shouldn't belong to me.
I lifted my balled fist from the paper and saw the silvery streaks over my skin. I smiled, knowing that that part of me would remain unchanged at the very least.
I looked up and scanned the library. No rowdy OG mates to deal with. No annoying chanting. No talk about the latest hipster café or K-Pop band. It was just me and my sketchbook. I took out my handphone and took a photo of my half-completed sketch before sending it to Yu-chi.
"Thanks for braving 9x9 to get me new drawing materials," I typed into my phone.
But what stared back at me was something that I could not quite understand either. It was me. Yet, it was not me. Or maybe that was because I had only finished half of his face.
I shaded in the details of the staff that my alternate self was holding, only to heave a sigh. There was no way I could make this dream of mine come true. What were video games when we only had one laptop at home and an outdated analogue TV? When internet cafes were too expensive?
That was the only reason why I was here. My administrative documents sat beside my sketchbook. The financial assistance form was still empty, waiting to be signed by my parents. My JAE form was there too.
My second choice stared back at me, probably wondering why I did not put it as first instead. And I asked myself the same question too.
Think positive, Keng Swee. At least you and Yu-chi are just one MRT station away from each other's schools now! Meeting up would be so much easier. No. This is a government school, Keng Swee. You're bound to meet people just like you. You're bound to meet friends who would be understanding if you couldn't join them at some café after school.
"Kenny, what are you doing here? Why aren't you with the rest of your OG?" asked Miss Lee as she hovered over my table.
My shoulders slumped, and I bit my lip, wondering what was the best excuse to give her. I pushed the admin documents towards her. She stared at it and muttered a soft 'I see'.
"Have you told your OGLs about it?" she asked back.
"Yeah. I informed them already," I said as I tried to hide my sketchbook with my Idolmaster clear file.
She nodded her head.
"Be sure to rejoin the group once you've settled your stuff, okay?" she asked.
I nodded back. She left me alone in this library. I leant against my chair and took in the surroundings. Looks like this was going to be my makeshift home for the next two years.
The sketch was still waiting to be complete. Maybe that too needed another two years for it to be complete. Or maybe four? Who knows?