*HASHIBA MAEHARA *
"Kill him.." Wait. That's not my voice...
"Where am I?... What am I doing here?..." I turn around and found Mitsuru awake, rubbing his eyes.
I became nervous, I didn't know what to say or what to do...
"Maehara..." he said as he looked at me. "What are you doing here...?"
It took some time for me to say it... I was scared, the voice inside my head is telling me to kill him. I don't know why... "I was just returning your stupid diary..!"
Actually... I got a better idea! Instead of killing him...
"My... diary? When did we come back from the campsite?..." He asked in utter confusion.
"You came here last night after you screamed the place down!" I want to throw all of my anger on him... so that he could...
"Argh!" Kill me... with his own two hands...!
"Are you finally remembering?.. Everything you did last night!... Come on.. tell me, what was happening through your mind when you did that?!"
I can see he's in distress, everything is coming back to him. Come on. Get angry!
"...Stop..."
"Why should I?! Does it hurt? As much as it hurts me!!" I didn't want to stop.
I wanted Mitsuru to know everything. I wanted him to feel what I'm feeling.
However, instead of standing up in fury and glaring in anger, Mitsuru raised his head up and looked at me, with gentle eyes. The opposite effect I wanted to see.
No... that's not what I want...
"Did I..hurt you?.." I wanted him to kill me!
"No! Stop!"
"Maehara... did I say something that hurt you...?"
I stood in silence and stepped away from him. "Why...?"
"Because... everything you're saying to me... is hurting me.."
Why is he hurt? Is he in more pain than me?! He's just an attention seeker!
"Oh, of course! You're in more pain than me! You're just trying to make me pity you! You just want sympathy!.. You fooled everyone!... But not me!"
"Stop shouting!.."
"Why should I?! I haven't slept last night, thanks to your f*cking screaming!! I have my rights! You can't tell me what to do!! I won't feel sorry for you...!"
I can see him crying, his head down and hands over his face. Go ahead and cry! I won't feel sorry for you!! You f*cking weakling!!
"Ah!" I sigh in distress. "Do you really want to die?... Well! Do ya?! Or is it just an act! Huh?! Go ahead! Jump!... This time... There won't be anyone to stop you..!"
I opened the balcony doors up wide. My anger and hatred have gone passed the limit. I really want him to die!
After a short pause, Misturu stood up and lifted his head. "Why are you saying this...?"
"Does it hurt?... Well, I'm sorry (!) I didn't mean it.. come on tell me... How do you do that trick?"
"What trick?" He looked up in complete confusion. He seriously doesn't get it!
"Oh, you don't know... I know what you've been doing, Eversince you came here, you've been trying to trick us! Trying to make us believe that you're the victim! Isn't that right?!"
"I didn't trick anyone!" He rudely interrupted me.
"Yes, you have! Thanks to your beautiful tragedy!, you made Sayuri fall in love with you! You turned her into your sick, love doctor and made her believe that you're the depressed victim!"
I feel like I've lost my mind... But looking at Mitsuru's face... it gives me pleasure..
"What's wrong with you?... Your sick!" I know I am... But not now.. I know what's wrong!
"No! I'm not sick... I'm twisted...! There's no sure for me!... I'll remain like this forever! I can't stop!!" I want to stop! But... I can't... There's no way out... The only way... is to die by disease! "Just die! I f*cking hate you! I want you to die!!"
"Maehara!" I froze.
It was like I was staring at myself at a shattered mirror, just the sight of me; my disorientated eyes, face and mouth, shocked me to stone.
"Let me help you.."
"No! Don't do that! I can tell by that look on your face, that you're just going to lie to me! 'I know how you feel (!)' That's what you're doing!! That won't work on me!!"
"Fine... I'm a lier..." Is he... finally surrendering?... Or is it just a fraud?... "Everything you've seen from me... is just an act... I tried to kill myself just to impress some girl... Maehara... go ahead." He beckoned with his hand pointing towards his diary. He... wants me to read it?
"Why?" I felt sceptical about this.
"So, you can find out the truth..."
I'm expecting this guy tor stop me but he stays calm. I walk over to the dressing table. I picked up the diary and just before I was about to open it. Suddenly. He grabbed me from behind! The grip on my shoulders felt so tight!
"What?! Are you-" I then felt pressure around my neck and head.
"Open your eyes!" They were open, face to face with my reflection. It's hideous! I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT!!
"STOP!!"
"Look at yourself!" He's demanding me.
"No!!" I squeeze my eyes shut!

I can't take it! Finally, he released me. I turned around and attempted to strangle him, with just my right hand. I tightened it as hard as I could but the look on his face doesn't satisfy me, he's supposed to be in pain but he isn't!
"Listen... Maehara... you hate yourself... Don't you?..."
"SAVE YOUR BREATH!!" Die!! I'm actually killing him!!
"We're the same..." What?.. Without realising it... I released my grip on him... "We drink poison our minds pour for us... and wonder why we feel so sick..."
That's right... I'm sick... I'm sick and tired... I let him go.
Am I...going crazy...? I don't want to... I want to be real... not just a reflection on who I want to be.
"I'd never thought for a second... that you were suicidal..." he said. I couldn't look at him...
"Pfft!... yeah... I guess I'm an actor... lying about myself."
"No, you were lying to yourself... I'm not the one to say this but... It's ok, to show what you're feeling... There's no need for you to cover up with a fake smile..."
Yeah right... I don't like burdening other people with my problems... I can't do that. But I can't hide my face forever...
'No matter how sad you're feeling,
Wear a mask...
And show them that you're strong...
Because they will never know otherwise...'
However, the monster inside me... is throwing me into the darkness and watching me drown...into the abyss.
When the tears flow out... The corners of my mouth... split open to the sides of my face... This is what my fake smile looks like to me...
"But... I can't..."
"You have just showed me your true colours... You can. And if they don't understand you, then leave them... Because I do."
"No! I'm a monster!... I'm scared!..." I was hopelessly trying to find comfort in his words... but there was no use.
"...of what?.."
I didn't want to tell him... but what he said... is slowly making me trust him...
I let out a sigh, "I'm scared... that I'll lose everyone I care about... I never had friends... or people I care about... I realised that if I want to continue to be miserable then.. I won't get anywhere. I won't have anyone by my side... so, I wore a mask, that made me forget what I really looked like... Until.. now. My emotions took control of me... After I felt, hatred, anger and jealousy, you of all people managed to find friends by showing them your pain... making them care about you when you were hurt...
I thought that no one would do that to me when I'm hurt... when I'm in pain, it hurts! I absolutely hate you! I can't gain happiness! Never! Because she won't..."
I stopped right there and sighed. I kept my head down as I stepped back and sat on the bed.
"Oh, I know you hate me... but don't forget, for every minute you waste on anger... you lose 60 seconds of happiness! So don't complain about your life...!"
We both took a breath from talking. But, that silence eventually ended when we both sighed at the same time. It was pretty funny and I smiled.
"What were you trying to do?... By yelling all of those things to me..." He asked.
"Oh,um... I rather not say it..."
"Why don't you be honest for once..?"
"It's just harsh for me to say..." I wanted to avoid answering his questions.
"By the way... I'm sorry about last night. I didn't know what happened... it wasn't my intention to scream the place down. I just woke up from a really scary nightmare, and I wanted to get a glass of water, then the next thing I knew, I was outside on the ground, crying and my throat felt sore... Thanks to me, you didn't get to sleep last night..."
He actually apologised for something he didn't do (intentionally)... He's going through alot more than me!
"No... I should be the one apologising... I wasn't being considerate enough..." He said with sincerity.
"Nah, it's ok... Wait... what was that about Sayuri... falling in love with me..?" He looked serious in thought.
I shrugged my head down so fast. Then lifted it up, "Huh?! You haven't noticed!" I stood up and looked at him... as if he's a weirdo.. which he is!
"What?" How can you look so clueless!
"Uh! Come on! Haven't you realised that Sayuri is always there for you?! She always cares about you!" I exclaimed.
"I know that. We promised." He said bluntly.
"Promised what?" I haven't heard about this!
"Well.. She promised me that she'll always be by my side." He scratched his nape.
"And what did you promise her?" I asked out of curiosity.
"Wait. Do you have a thing for her?"
"What?! No!"
At that moment, the door behind just knocked.
"Yes." Mitsuru called out, he seemed to know who was outside.
"Oh, you're awake!... Maehara, what are you doing here?" She's playing dumb with me!
"Nothing... Just came to deliver his things."
"Oh, ok. How are you doing? Are you ok?" I looked at Mitsuru, awaiting for his reply, but looked back at Sayuri.
"You're asking me?!" She nodded, I was shocked, I thought she was asking about Mitsuru...! "Yeah.. I'm fine..."
"And Mitsuru... Are you back?.." She asked as if he would know the answer.
"Hm?... I think?" He had no idea what she was referring to.
"Hey! I'll help you with that thing!" I exclaimed at Sayuri. I felt bad, having them to do the work all by themselves.
"Really?!"
"Yeah, sure!"
Sayuri left and before I exited the room, I decided to say one last thing to Mitsuru, "Happy birthday."
To be continued. . .