🔴21ST APRIL 2007🔴
What is wrong with me?! It's past midnight and I'm STILL crying! Mahiru still hasn't come back yet...
....
I just heard her voice... She's downstairs talking to Mom. but when I went down, she shouted at me to go back to my room. But big sister never shouts at me, especially when I'm crying! now I can't sleep! I'm crying like a big fat baby! I was RIGHT!!! She REALLY doesn't want me breathing!!! She wants me dea....🔴
✴Mahiru stands in the doorway of Mitsuru's room. Darkness clouds her face. Mitsuru looks straight away, by just the sound of her presence. " Big sister!" He yelled in excitement but looked straight away in fear. Mahiru moves a few steps closer, only a tint of light from the window reaches the lower half of her face, her lips trembled as she says, " Mitsuru...."
There was a silent long pause, it felt so terrifying, just staring at a dark misty shadow, was it even real? Is she actually there, or was this all inside his head?...Mitsuru finally speaks, " What's wrong, Mahiru?" he asked using a soft, gentle tone and tears slowly filling up his eyes. He stared blankly at the shadow and his heart was shaking. Suddenly, he turned to see tears falling down from the sky that he burst into tears himself, his cheeks looked dry as a cracked desert, but now it's overflowing with rain. The rain crashed loudly against the window.
"Mitsuru....." She whispers, but to Mitsuru, it was loud enough to block the sound of the rain. He looked at her...awaiting patiently of what she was going to say next. "....I'm sorry..." Lightning flashes on her shadowed face... A tear...falls..✴
🔴Mitsuru🔴
"Ah!" I woke up, it seems to still be the middle of the night. I looked at the curtained windows and I could hear the pitter patter of the rain hitting against the windows outside. I get up and open the black curtains. I can see the rain dripping against the window and I can see the dark sky being ripped apart by the lightning rays of the moonlight. The scenery was so beautiful.
It seemed like I overslept, I didn't have dinner and now I'm so damn hungry! I checked what time it was from my phone and it's 1:24 am. There's no way that the cafeteria will be open at this time. Might as well go and get something to eat from a freaking vending machine!
I open the door but before I walked out of my room, I looked at the window and gazed upon the view, the shining moon, breaking it's way from the clouds. It's just like me, how I break my way out from the world. I honestly love rain. I then looked at my desk and I stood there in shock. I glared at that purple book in disbelief, I now remember how much I used to hate the rain. ...especially when it would remind me of that same day. I hate it!
I hat everything i wrote in that god damn book! And why did I keep it?! Why didn't ih burn it when I had the chance?! These questions kept running up and down in my head, it made it hurt so bad! I need a breather, so I went to FIND the vending machine since I have no idea where anything is in this school!
I ended up finding the machine on the ground floor, and you wouldn't believe how long I ran around just to look for this thing! Finally I have some food, but I turned and to my surprise I heard the rain from outside. I followed the sound and it leaded to one of the outside doors, I touch the handle and it feels like it has already been opened. I pushed through the door and a gust of wind hit my face with drops of water.
I stepped outside. I held my had out. I lifted my head up. It was a beaut feeling. I can feel everything. Every drop of rain that hits my face. It feels like everything is in my hands.... I leave out a breath of air... it made my heart sink...
I lean down to my aching stomach. Forcing the tears not to cry out.
I'm in pain....
And l don't know what to do...
Mahiru...what did you say to me that night?!
"Mitsuru....I'm sorry...."
"What?..Why? .." I wished I never asked...
"... I am...going to die.."
I....hated myself for being so weak back then, here I am...bending down, holding my tears in and breaking myself apart. I'm still so weak. I can't be strong. Because I keep letting things get to me...Nothing in life will make you sad...YOU'RE in control! YOU control whether you want to be sad! Don't let it get to you!
After all these years, I learnt that...the hard way...And STILL! I don't know how to control my emotions. So, instead, I pretend they don't exist...
"Huh?..What are you doing here?.."
I lifted myself up and saw a girl with blonde hair, and sapphire blue eyes. She stood by the bike rack, completely soaked. But this girl looked familiar...Oh right! She's that idiot, that randomly started talking to mein class!
"Uh..Nothing. ."
"But it's the middle of the night.." She softly smiled but as I looked at her eyes, they seemed so tired and sore.
"Well, you're out here too, ya ' know" I turned my face away as a reaction that I have just realised that I've talked too much.
"Yeah...I couldn't sleep...I sometimes get restless nights like this. And on these nights, I like to go outside to refresh my mind.." She said lifting her head up to the sky. But why is she telling me all of this? I'm not interested at all... " Is that what you like to do too?.." Why is she asking me?.. (coz there is no one around 😑)
"Uh...yeah.." I said as I walked into the shade with her.
" Then we're the same" ...what? How can she say that and just smile about it?! This is pissing me off! We are NOT the same! She doesn't even know me! She hasn't even know half the things I've been through! I looked at her with my furious eyes. " But, you know...everyone changes..."
"Huh?..what are you saying?.." I looked at her confused.
"Oh well...There might have been a time in everyone's lives where they used to be someone else... maybe they used to be kinder or used to be happy..or in some cases, they could've had a hard time..and was very sad.."
I remember that used to be me. " But after a while, everyone goes through some sort of obstacle. And because of this they would just change. That part of their lives will either heal you or break you. It's sad... cause, you're standing there and witnessing yourself breaking into pieces.." She stopped talking and left the environment silent. The words that she said sounded like they came right from the heart.
"It sounds like you've experienced something like that before.." I said.
"Huh?" She looked at me, surprised, but it seemed like a very sad expression. Maybe I should've kept my mouth shut. "Well, something like that!😁" She suddenly smiled from ear to ear. " But it doesn't matter... I won't let myself fall!" She looked up and clenched her hand, I was surprised to see her look so...strong..
"From now on, I'll get through my obstacles and challenges or whatever life throws at me! Coz I will never give up!.."
"What?.."
"I can be the same old crybaby I once was! I can cry all I want!.. But I won't ever just stand there!" This girl...She's so much stronger than I am..
"Most of the time.."She continued calmly. "People won't change by walking through life but only those who stand hopelessly! Feeling like they won't be able to do anything in their life...They are the ones who...end up breaking.."
....It hit me.. Everything she said hit me..but for some reason..it didn't make me fall. In what she said, there was great sadness and pain but also, some kind of hope. I never thought the two would ever mix together. But this girl...spoke what's true in her heart...
I can't do that...I can just fake my feelings or pretend they're not there. But this girl, she KNOWS they are there, but she refuses to let herself down, which is also tragic...She is the complete opposite of me...
"But! Never mind what I just SAID! It's just so late at night and I feel sentimental. So I kinda went a little ahead of myself there!"She giggled.
"But, did you eat dinner?... You probably didn't. .well, I did go to your room to give you you're food but you didn't open the door. I looked everywhere for you, ya know?! So I assumed that you were sleeping!.."I had no idea what she said but I kept thinking of what she said , I dropped the bag of crisps and my juice, that was on my left hand, it slipped and fell on the wet floor.
"Oh! It's way too cold here! We could catch a cold if we stay any longer! Come on! let's go inside! OK! " She picked up the items from the floor and grabbed my arm. But I was looking down the whole time. When she dragged me inside, I looked at her in shock. Her cheeks and nose where red but she still smiled. For some reason, that smile made my heart rise back up again. I looked up at her and smiled..."We're completely soaked!.."
This was my first smile after such a long time...
**SAYURI SCHREIBER **
Mitsuru.....JUST SMILED!!! Oh my god!!! I finally made him smile! That means we can be friends now, right?...