His voice was low, almost like a whisper, sending tingles up my spine. My cheeks heated along with my body, and I swallowed, his frankness stirring something more in me. With him so close, I could feel his warmth as his gaze remained fixated, unfaltering and probing. It was too much.
I cleared my throat and pulled back my elbow. "If you're just looking for sex, as I have said, I'm not up for it. Look for someone else. I'm sure you can pick up any girl in a club."
"I heard you…" He bit his lip and looked away before he exhaled, his breath fogging. For some reason or perhaps anticipation, my heartbeat accelerated. I began to regret not walking away. I didn't want to hear what he was going to say but there I was. He continued, "I heard you when you broke up with your boyfriend."
"How did you?" My brows scrunched up. I broke up with Jun-senpai in his apartment. "Plus, what's got to do with anything?"
"I overheard the two of you." He dropped his chin to his chest and paused before he quickly gazed up again with a shake of his head. "But I didn't mean to. I swear. My brother's unit was in the same apartment complex. I got surprised to hear mild arguments when I opened the door. I ended up stopping because I didn't want to make things awkward."
"So, you knew why we broke up. Why bother ask?" I let out a soft snort and glared at him.
His lips curled into a guilty-yet-no-remorse smile. "I wanted to hear it from your own mouth, and you might have gotten back together. It had been months after all. I wanted to be certain."
"Are you stalking me?"
Kawashita flushed but he chuckled. It rang in my ears. His laughter sounded nice and warm. "Don't flatter yourself, Matsumoto-senpai. I was only curious about the girl who dumped an ideal boyfriend when many other girls would have envied you."
"How would you know? You don't even know him." I crossed my arms.
"Wasn't he the one who asked you out? I bet he's the caring type. He'd send you messages, check up on you everyday or visit you on his day offs. He's also a University of Tokyo graduate. Guys like that are such a rare find, don't you agree?"
I swallowed, playing the excuse I always tell Kazuya and Nanami in my mind over and over, but the words were caught in my throat. It was easy to deny. After all, he was only making assumptions, but none of what he said were wrong. This was easy, a child's play, I told myself in my head. But Kawashita's stares were piercing as if he was looking deep inside, scrutinizing even my soul. I glanced up at him and I doubted he knows. He knew I didn't love Jun-senpai.
Everything started becoming a little hazy, the lights, the people passing by, even Kawashita in front of me as if we were on a montage. I straightened my back and breathed in. Filling my lungs, my mind cleared in a matter of seconds.
"Look, Kawashita-kun, I already told you. I'm not looking for hookups or flings. Not tonight. I don't think you get that, so I'm telling you again. I'm not going to sleep with you tonight. Just think of it as one of your unlucky nights." I clutched the strap of my pursed and turned away from him.
"I also don't want a hookup or a fling. I want something indefinite, Matsumoto-senpai."
It was probably because I hadn't expected the word indefinite, and Kawashita Akira was an enigma to me that I stood frozen instead of walking away. I didn't look back. I didn't need to. He stood beside me and said, "Why don't we go somewhere cozy first instead of standing around here?"
He got me hook like a fish on bait. I followed him and figured I could easily scream for help since it was still crowded or call the police if he ever attempts something. I promised myself to haunt Tanaka-senpai and Tachibana-senpai if it came to worst. When we were nearing the love hotel hill like a big flashing reminder, I almost changed my mind and turned back. But Kawashita kept on walking without giving the hotels a side glance until we passed and continued to another corner. He turned around to check if I was still following him.
We stopped and went inside a small wooden themed café. Kawashita ordered our drinks while I headed to the farthest table near the glass windows. The place wasn't packed and there were only two girls sitting two tables away from us. The lighting was a little dim and the chairs were soft and comfy. I leaned back and stretched out my legs, heaving a small sigh, relaxing a bit. Kawashita found me like that when he arrived with our coffee.
He had a wide grin that I instantly sat up. He raised an eyebrow before he settled on the opposite seat. "Can you please not walk out on me again, Matsumoto-senpai? Let me finish. You followed me all the way here, so you must be curious."
"Fine." I rolled my eyes and started pouring three packets of sugar into my coffee. Kawashita's nose wrinkled, and I almost smiled.
He set down his black coffee and then pulled out his wallet. He placed two bills on the table and pushed it to my side. "First, here's your money. A lady shouldn't pay especially on the first date."
"Ooh, a gentleman in disguise or definitely a playboy," I cooed, sipping my coffee.
Kawashita's impassive expression remained the same as he slid back his wallet in his back pocket. "Second, I won't apologize for being rude earlier. I believe we're tied on that."
"Do you ever get girls that way? Do they fall at your feet?" I smirked.
"Yeah. It's weird. It doesn't work on you." Sighing, he ran his fingers on his hair before he returned the smirk. "I've got my sex appeal on and gentleman act down."
I laughed and shook my head.
"But seriously, I believe you're more than worth it." He looked at me straight in the eyes. "Just hear me out."
"Just for a lay you're not even sure would be good?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. I'm that serious about you."
"You know, I would have been flattered if this happened, I don't know, in a different situation." I tilted my head. "But your words won't change my mind."
He nodded as rubbed his cup. "I figured that. It's not the result of tonight that I'm after. I'm sure you'd eventually agree that it will be a waste of this great chance."
"What do you mean?"
"I know you rejected the marriage proposal of your boyfriend." Kawashita met my gaze. "It was the part I heard. You didn't want to marry him. That's the real reason you broke up with him, isn't it? You don't want any commitment. You dated him without any intention to marry him even though you knew he wanted something serious."
"Of course not. I just don't want—" My hands began shaking. It was as visible but there were little tremors. I rested my hands on my lap, hoping he didn't notice. The words were lost for a moment. I inhaled deeply, concentrating. "We were too young. I was only thinking about my future career. I don't want to be just a housewife."
"I'm not saying you were wrong, Matsumoto-senpai." His voice was firm, and his eyes were clear and bright. There wasn't even a hint of joking or mocking. The panic in my chest and trembling subsided.
Kawashita gave me a half smile. "What I've been meaning to say is it doesn't have to be a one-time thing. We can have something easy indefinitely. We can sleep with each other anytime we want. No marriage proposals in the future involved. I'll be there whenever you're lonely or you want me to. What do you say, senpai, do you accept?"