"Oh, hey." The girl looked up in surprise. She haphazardly swept some books and stationery aside to make space for me. "Make yourself comfortable. Why did you wanna sit here all of a sudden?"
"Um, I saw you sitting alone and er, I thought I'd like to make a new friend," I stuttered, wishing I could sound more confident.
She threw her head back and laughed. "And I thought just about everyone here sticks to their own clique. Anyway, forget I said anything. I'm Isabelle. Nice to meet you," she grinned, eyes curving into crescents.
"I'm Avery," I mumbled as I unpacked my lunch. I told myself to look into her eyes when we spoke, but it was hard to hold her gaze.
"You're shy," she stated. "Shy but making the first move to befriend someone, that's interesting," she mused. "Don't be put off by me, I'm always this talkative. Ohshit, I lost focus again!" She picked up her pen and began scribbling furiously again.
"Is that homework?" I asked curiously, peering at what she was doing. My eyes widened in surprise.
She caught the look in my eyes and let out another peal of laugher. "Yep, Chem. This lab report's due right after lunch but I was lazy so now I'm freeloading off my groupmate. No judging, thanks."
"Won't you not learn if you copy it off someone else?" I blurted, then bit my lip. I should've kept my mouth shut.
Isabelle didn't seem to mind. She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear as she worked. "Nah, it's all good. I read everything and know the whole topic already. It's not worth my time or effort to do this anyway. Studying smart, not hard, ya know?" she winked at me.
I blinked for a moment, caught in her eyes. There was something wild and unrestrained about her that was beautiful, she had a bubbly charm to her, and her eyes sparkled with mischief and chaos. That lunch, as I watched her work, I couldn't help but be drawn to her. Everything about her resonated with me. She was the kind of person I wanted to be. Friendly, bubbly, funny, confident, that one friend you'd always want to bring along for laughs. Unlike me, the butt of the joke.
In that moment, I aspired to be like Isabelle, the first warm, open personality who'd so casually welcomed me as a friend.
-
20 April 2016, Wednesday.
I made a new friend today. It's curious how such a small thing feels like a huge accomplishment for me. This is the first time I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, doing something I won't usually do. It was scary but thrilling.
It felt like I had my heart in my mouth as I forced myself to go up and say hi. I half expected her to glare at me and tell me to frick off, hate me for some reason or other just like it's happened before in the past, but she didn't. Instead, she glanced up from her work with a wide smile that took my breath away.
Her name's Isabelle. I hope we can stay friends. Her aura glows with a soft golden light. So does her personality - charming, radiant like the sun. It was what drew me to her. She was the first person to make me feel like my presence was welcomed. She was busy copying someone else's homework, but still chatting to me all the while. It feels like she can talk about anything and everything. And as I watched her do her thing, I felt like she is everything I want to be - funny, witty, playful, confident.
On a side note, Kalen has been coming less and less. Sometimes, he leaves earlier after tucking me into bed, other nights I fall aleep before he comes, only half waking up when he appears by me and pulls me into his arms.
It bothers me a little that I'm seeing him less. I miss him. He seems busy with whatever he does. I didn't wanna ask so he wouldn't have to feel bad about spending less time with me. He already seems stressed or bothered about something. I can tell from the cold iciness in his unfocused eyes as he zones out, the way I feel him stiffen.
I wonder what's up. I wish he could tell me. I wish I dared to ask. I wish we could go back to when he was around more, but it's only been a few weeks knowing him and I don't want to be clingy.
Should I ask him about it?