28 April 2016, Thursday
I've been so caught up in life that I've forgotten to log. The past two weeks have passed in a whirl. Kalen and I have gotten a lot closer. He has been appearing more, even when I'm doing my homework. It feels like he's dropped all pretense and doesn't care what he shows me anymore. I'd be solving my physics problems with his head in my lap, his eyes closed. I know he's never asleep. I don't know why he'd choose to spend time with me, but I enjoy his quiet company as I work.
I keep replaying our first kiss in my head. I'd been pressing him for more answers as to what he was and what he did - he was a lot more talkative that night it'd be a waste not to weasel what information I could out of him. I must have pushed my boundaries a little too far, because all of a sudden, the warmth disappeared and I saw another darker, colder side of him - probably the same side of him that had tried to murder me in my sleep.
In that moment, I saw how the light around him shifted, turned dark. His aura felt threatening and all my instincts screamed at me to run. It was like I could feel his power seeping out of his form. I remember feeling my heart in my mouth, the sudden realization that I was nothing but a doll to him, something- someone he could easily crush without batting an eye.
And yet, what came next took me by surprise. I can't remember the details, but I remembered how he made me feel. I remember how his lips were soft and warm on mine, a stark contrast to the way his arms trapped me against the cold wall in an iron grip. If I close my eyes, I can still trace the silhouette of his face, half lit by the light shafts wafting through the gaps in my curtains.
He woke a part of me I've supressed for far too long. When was the last time I'd acted of my own accord, instead of holding back for fear of being judged or disappointing others? When was the last time I took things into my own hands? That night was the first time in a long while.
I felt a strange energy burning inside me, the thrill of stepping out into the unknown, as I leaned into the kiss. My hands resting on both his cheeks, I whispered all the words I never dared to admit to myself. I told him I loved him, no matter what he was.
I don't care that he's not human, I don't care if he'll eventually be my demise. I don't care that this probably won't last forever, I don't care that no one can ever know, and no one ever will. This irrational, unconditional act of putting my heart on the line for someone else - is this love, or infatuation?
I don't know. It doesn't matter. What matters is for the past two weeks, my days have been a little brighter, a little less hard, despite what goes on at school and at home. Maybe all we need is someone to walk hand in hand with us as we fight our battles.
-
Manuscripts fanned out around her, almost like a paper skirt as she sorted out her compositions. "This goes here, this one here. Ugh I remember you. Should I trash this draft?"
He watched in amusement as she mumbled to herself as she worked. Occasionally she scrawled things on the paper he did not understand. All he knew was that everything would evetually translate into notes on the piano, stitching together melodies that touched parts of his heart he didn't know existed.
Wasn't that what she was good at - drawing out sides of him he didn't know he had? In the short time they had together, her unrestrained honestly, her peals of laughter, the way she almost seemed to glow with an infectious energy, enthusiasm and curiosity to everything around her, brought out a warmth in him he never knew he had. She was the kind of person he always wanted to be around, the first of a kind.
The time he spent with her never seemed enough, flowing like sand sifting past the gaps between his fingers. And the time he spent without her passed excruciatingly slow, akin to the mineral water that trickled down staclatites. How much time did they have together before-
His hands clenched into fists and a blanket of iciness settled over his eyes as he cut off the thought. It only lasted for a split second before he composed himself.
"Avery."
"Huh?" She paused, looking up from the work she had been engrossed in, eyes wide in a mixture of surprise and curiosity.
Drawing upon the shadows, he darted to her side, materialising in front of her in a move too quick for the human eye to catch. She let out a startled gasp and he felt the breath squeezed out of her as he gripped her in a tight hug, barely controlling his strength so as not to crush her.
She struggled to wriggle her arms free, reaching up to put her hands around his neck. "What's wrong?" she asked, eyes brimming with concern.
Everything. This system. Their fate. The way the world was. Everything he couldn't tell her. And so, he carefully masked it all, burying his face in her soft long hair. "It's nothing."
It's not nothing. It's never nothing. But I'll wait till you're ready to tell me.
The words she never spoke made his heart feel heavy. And they sat there for a long while, in a silence that was too loud as he listened to all the thoughts she never said aloud.
I don't care what you are, who you are, don't care if this can't work out.
I'll always love you.
No matter what.