I set the griddle above the coals to bake potatoes and fry bacon. The smell of cooked meat woke Daniel. He stumbled tiredly from the bedroom and around the couch to kiss me on the cheek. He leaned his body on mine, wrapping his arms around my waist. "You smell like roses."
"If roses smell like dirt and grass then, yes." I teased.
"Do I have to go to work today?" He whined.
"You can stay home if I don't have to go, either."
"Deal." He mumbled as his nose was crushed into the nape of my neck.
"Don't tempt me," I said as a joke, but it's not a joke to me. We had been working so often that the entire solstice had flown by without us being together. "Eat your breakfast."
I shoveled his food on a plate, and he ate it in an impressive two gulps.
"Don't eat so fast! You'll make yourself sick!"
"Yes, Mother."
"Brave words for someone who's only defense against an iron poker is a fork!" I waved the pointed end at him, daring him to make another joke. He laughed.
"Mae, you're too innocent to be taken seriously." He kissed my cheek, again. Daniel grabbed his clothes from the bedroom, careful not to wake my mother and Dodger.
Daniel lifted his arms to pull his night shirt over his head. My gaze followed his sternum down his chest to the little curls of hair disappearing into his pants. His pale skin showed off the veins traveling through his hips. I stood up to trace the blue lines with my fingertips. My hand skimmed across his hips to his stomach. His shirt fell to his waist and covered his abs, but left just enough space for his chest to peek through.
My eyes met his and I moved my lips closer. He leaned in to press his soft mouth against mine. My neck tingled at the sensation of Daniel's rough hands. He caressed then grabbed my neck to hold me closer. He dragged me to him by the waist and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Daniel's hand ran from my hip to my shoulders and slipped the strands of my gown off me. I shimmied my body slightly, and it fell to the ground.
I fiddled with the strands of hair on his stomach as he lets his breeches drop. My breath came quickly when his lips brushed against my neck. My heart raced as if it was my first time. My love for him would never fade and each moment together was a blessing.
We didn't have long. We made the most of our time together. Time seemed to speed up when I desperately needed it to slow down so we could make our love last.
The sweat gathered on our chests when we finished. His lips pressed against my nose sending a tingle to my ears. He lied above me, his light brown hair tickling my cheeks as his look of admiration turned to sadness.
"Work needs me," he said. Daniel wiggled to leave, but stopped as I groan.
"Stay just awhile longer."
We relaxed as I trailed my fingers around his collar bone and up his neck to his soft lips. I kissed him gently.
As my eyes drifted shut and I was seconds away from a peaceful sleep, Daniel stood up to leave. He dressed for work while I watched his back, regretting every second I didn't try to convince him to stay. I missed our time together.
The front door closed, I quickly redressed just as the bedroom door opened. Out walked Dodger with a detached look in his eyes.
"Morning." I smiled at him. He ignored my existence and crouched to reach underneath the couch. Coming up with nothing, he stood and threw the pillows off, his tiny hands frantically patted every inch of the couch. "Dodger, what are you doing?"
He left the living room for the kitchen. A progressive amount of banging ensued. Curious, I went after him. Bruised fruits and vegetables were strewn on the floor while the contents of our cabinets were everywhere. Dodger was rummaging through the potatoes, tossing each one out of his way when he was done with it.
"Excuse me, young man! What do you think you're doing!?" I used my best mom voice to grab his attention. He pushed past me as panic rose with each breath he took. Dodger continued to explore the home he had memorized by touch.
Was he looking for Robber?
Dodger overturned the couches pillows again and began to squeal as his hands didn't find what they were searching for. He stomped his feet, his face turning bright red. He threw himself to the floor and kicked violently. In doing so, he hurt his toe. His cries grew even louder.
"Dodger, stop it!" I picked him up, returned the pillows to their rightful places, and set him down.
"I know you miss Robber." I hugged him tight until his screams turned into painful moaning. "You'll see Robber again in another life."
Dodger's loud crying turned to soft sobs then slight heaving. All the while I never let him go and he didn't push me away, he held onto my neck until he slowly cried himself to sleep in my arms. Any movement I made would likely wake him and send him into another panic looking for Robber. I waited with nothing but my thoughts keeping me entertained.
~~
Another morning meant another chance to make Dodger's day the best he's had.
I boiled water to pour over ground wheat, it clumped at first, but stirring with a knife the contents became smooth. I added cream for texture, brown sugar to sweeten the meal, and banana bits to finalize Dodger's breakfast. Right on cue, Dodger woke up and enters the kitchen with a yawn.
"I made your favorite breakfast, Dodger. Daniel stopped by the store and purchased sugar just for you!" I tried to hand him the bowl, but he ignored me. "Dodger, over here."
He walked around the counters and went through the bag of potatoes before exiting. He was looking for Robber, again.
There was no way he could go without eating another day. I left the kitchen and found Dodger nestled on the couch. His legs were curled to his chest with his thumb in his mouth. I sat next to him and set his breakfast aside.
"Dodger, you need to eat." He didn't respond. I knew that he needed to deal with Robbers death and I had to teach him how.
"Did you know that the Godius and Goddessa reward the good? Before we leave for our other lives, they grant us our hearts' desires." Dodger's head perked up slightly, thumb still in his mouth. It was a small gesture, but a gesture that showed interest in what I said. I took it as a sign that he was listening.
"The god and goddess are probably granting Robber a wish right now since she was such a good kitten. What do you think she's wishing for?" Dodger sat up. There was no smile on his mouth, but his eyes filled with wonder instead of sadness. "I bet Robber is somewhere wishing for a bushel of fish or even some tummy rubs."
I patted Dodger's belly. He smiled and laid his head in my lap to rest. I stroked his thick hair until the back of his throat rumbled with tiny snores.
"He'll forget her," Mother said, appearing in the bedroom door as she brushed her gray hair. "Children's minds always end up focusing on the next important thing. He'll forget her if you stop encouraging his fascination with stories."
My heart burned at her insult. When my father had died, Mother had followed her own advice. She had ignored me when I needed her to explain Father's death and didn't understand my depression over my loss. She would yell at me for being lazy. I wasn't lazy. I had my father's weakness and wanted to give up.
I made sure I learned from my mother's mistakes. Even with the death of our cat, I would not let him forget. She was a companion and we had come to see her as family. I needed Dodger to learn about death and how to deal with it. I wanted him to know that being sad was better than holding it in. I spent the remainder of the day trying to help Dodger get back on his feet, but he refused to play or laugh. I'm thankful I was able to take these days off from work to focus on Dodger. Later in the day mother had taken Dodger outside to occupy his mind with anything other than Robber.
My head bobbed back and forth as Daniel released my hair from the knotted braid. We sat sideways on the couch, he rested on the arm. Together, we sat without the accompaniment of others.
"I can't believe Mother would say that to me. I never focused on the next important thing. Father's death still rattles me." I confided in my husband.
"Maybe it works for her? Oddly enough dealing with emotions must be taught to children."
"What I'm teaching Dodger isn't working, though," I said, exasperated. "Dodger listens, but he doesn't take it to heart. He's still depressed. This morning he cried when I said paw!"
"Teaching Dodger is one thing, but he also needs time to reflect on his sorrow alone. That's how we heal. Don't rush it, Mae. Mourning takes time. Be there for him the way you are, and he'll be fine." Daniel advised. I took the advice to heart. Daniel had lost both his parents and an unborn sibling to an illness that had spread from inside the castle.
Daniel finished disentangling my braid and moved his hands to my neck. He turned my head to face him then kissed me.
"He'll be alright," he said. He pinched my cheek, puckered his lips and spoke as he would to a baby. "You'll be ok too!"
I slapped his arm playfully.
"It's difficult, I know. I had to deal with you when your father died. That wound didn't heal overnight. Yes, it's just a cat, but to children the littlest thing is made into the biggest deal," Daniel added, reading the sadness in my silence. Little did he know that I wasn't thinking about the cat anymore.
"I wish I was there for you when your parents died." It wasn't fair that Daniel had been there for me during my worst, but I hadn't been there for his tragedy.
"You are, Mae. I lost them before I met you, but you've helped me heal. To this day I miss my family, and with every memory that haunts me, I think of how warm you make me feel." Daniel ran his fingers through my hair. I turned around to look into his sparkling eyes. I found him so attractive when he was inspirational.
I took his hand in mine and held it to my lips. I kissed his fingers as he wrapped his arms around my neck. Without losing physical contact, I gently slid my hands up his arms, down his shoulders, and then across his waist to bring him closer to my bosom.
I tightened my hold on Daniel as his nose burrowed into my thick hair. He hid his face and I couldn't let him go for fear I would lose him, too. Robber's death had reminded me of the darkness in the world.
I couldn't control death or disease. I could only pray that Dodger would never have to experience such heartache. I silently promised him my death would never be my choice as my father chose death over a life with me, his only child.