The streets are deserted at this hour. It is too late for families to be out, and too early for the drunkards to be returning to their homes. The bright full moon lights the area creating dancing shadows.
The stranger is leaning against a wall when I exit. I study him before I announce my presence. He is tall, with broad shoulders. The build of a powerful soldier. His dark hair shifts in the wind. He stares at the heavens and the twinkling stars, observing their mysteries.
"I didn't ever get your name." He returns to the land of the living, looking down at me.
"Étienne." He is concise; not the kind to mince words.
"Nice to meet you Sir Étienne Noname. My name is Camille-Marie Ferré." I execute an exaggerated curtsy. He snickers at my joke. An unexpected warmth of pride and joy fills me.
"Marie?" The sensation builds at his questioning joke, and playful bow.
"I know, everyone is named some version of Marie. Just call me Camille" I roll my eyes with a smile. There is an openness among the unknown that we embrace. He turns and I fall in step next to him. "What is troubling your mind?" I am direct to match him. He doesn't answer, and I don't press. The silence of contemplation fills the void as we pass several homes.
"I have no right to be like this."
"You have a right to your emotions. There is no one who can tell you what to feel." I gently correct him. Soldiers are taught to suppress their feelings, leading to an inability to express themselves. It is dangerous for them and Étienne is no exception.
"I won't tell anyone what you share." He glances at me. "We are strangers. We will never see each other again." He formulates his words before speaking.
"I just got back from the war with Maubeuge. It is indescribable." He stops, trying to find words for his thoughts. I remain quiet, ready to just listen. I need someone else's problem to solve.
"The feeling of cutting another's life short is like breaking your soul. I know it was necessary, and in the moment, it is you or them. You don't think about it, but after you drown." I slip my hand in his and run my thumb across the back of it. This is unlike me. I have never done anything like this with a man, but it feels natural. My hand fits in his larger one, like puzzle pieces. He doesn't react but keeps explaining.
"Slaying men on the battlefield is one thing, but I watched my soldiers do unspeakable things to the cities we conquered. I tried to stop them, but they were too bloodthirsty. The worst part is that I received a title, and treasures from King Louis himself for my service. People see me as a hero, but I feel like the villain." I am surprised that he is that close to the king, and reconsider this talk, but I know that he needs this.
"You aren't a villain. You are a good man. You don't revel in acts of violence but are abhorred by them. It shows you care about others, and villains don't do that." He listens to my argument and his muscles relax, making him look less severe.
"I am returning to my father's house for the first time, and I know he will gloat about the honors I have received. I will be put on a pedestal. I don't know if I can handle it, but I need to see my family eventually." I step in front of him, turning to face him. He stops but doesn't look down at me. That doesn't stop me from seeing the glisten of moisture in his eyes as it reflects the moonlight. I stand on my toes and wipe his face. He looks down in surprise.
"It is okay to be scared. Like you said you have to go but it is your choice what you do. You can let this consume you, or you can find a way to express these feelings." He looks down at me, lowering his head. My heart quickens, and I realize how brazen I have been. I give a shy smile and duck away to his side.
"How should I express it?" We step forward in unison, ignoring my shameless actions.
"Do you have someone you trust back home? Or maybe a journal? If you talk to your father will he understand how you feel?"
"He is the last person I want to talk to."
"Sorry, I didn't…"
Étienne cuts me off. "You couldn't have known. All he cares about is fine cloths, alcohol and women. He was remarried before my mother was cold in her grave and has been through 4 or 5 other women since." I squeeze is hand reassuring him that I am here. "He is overbearing, and abusive. I am sure that some of his wives were murdered. It has been hard on my siblings and me. Now he is pushing me to get married."
"Do you want to marry?" The question leaves my mouth before I could stop it.
"No, well yes. I want a partner, someone who loves me, but women I know have always been after something. It has gotten worse since I have returned and gotten a title."
"Explains why you were hostile to those women earlier."
"At least I knew what they were after. Why am I telling you this?" He sneaks a glance at me.
"People tend to tell me about there problems. I have no idea why, but something about me makes them comfortable."
He thinks for a second them states, "You are open, and easy to read. There is nothing hidden. Maybe that makes others open as well." His observations make me happy for some reason.
"I don't think I am that easy to read. You are the only one who realized something was wrong this evening."
"How was I the only one?" I tilt my head to him and consider his question, while scrutinizing him.
"I mean my parents and the maid knew, but they are a part of it so you were the only one who noticed on their own."
"I shared; it's your turn." I glance around, scanning for distraction while I gather my thoughts. I realize that we have walked past the village onto a bridge. I stop, letting go of his hand and lean against railing. He lets me have the same silence as I gave him.
"This morning my parents got a letter. It is a proposal, and there is no way they can deny it. We don't even know who sent it. Our only clue is that they can use the seal of Torcy and plan a last-minute wedding. We know he is powerful, but that is all."
"Why can't you deny it?"
"My father is a merchant between Torcy and Changy. He can't afford to offend an official of Torcy."
"How do you know this guy is as powerful as you think?"
"It was written by an arrogant man. He gave me the travel plans with the time and place of the ceremony. He sent a horse, and a messenger to bring me back. There was even a vailed threat in his explanation of how he met me at the inn." A warm wall presses against my back, with strong arms wrapping around me. The action makes my heart race faster.
"Do you want to marry him?"
"Not in the slightest. The only thing I know about him is that he is arrogant. He could be old enough to be my father, or even my grandfather." I shudder at the thought. "Today after my father told me, my mother was in tears, and I had to comfort her. Do you know what her concern was? That I had never fallen in love. It is true, I haven't even had my first kiss. How can I be ready to be a wife?" Tears finally flow down my face, realizing the horror that is waiting after the wedding. Étienne gently turns me to face him. His strong hand lifts my face, as he wipes the tears.
"What are you the unhappiest about?" As I stare in his eyes, I see the lost possibility. What if I hadn't gotten that letter this morning?
"Never falling in love." He strokes my hair and holds me in a tight hug.
"Who says you can't still fall in love. It is fashion among nobles to have lovers. Maybe I could even convince you to be mine." If he hadn't said that with his teasing smile, I would have thought he was seriously suggesting it.
"You noted that I am an honest person. I have to keep any promise I make, even if I want to run away from it."
"I admire that about you." He looks in my eyes, and there is an emotion I can't explain staring into me. "Since you haven't made any promises yet, do you want to pretend tonight? I can be your first love and steal your first kiss." He slides his hand under my chin, and leans in, but waits for my permission. My heart beats fast. Do I dare?
"Who says it's pretend?" I tease, hoping he will understand, but afraid by how forward I act with him. Étienne's eyes sparkle with hope as he leans into me. I close my eyes, unsure what will come next.
Something soft, like rose petals, press against my lips. It is short, only an instant. A chaste kiss. I open my eyes and grin. Warmth fills me, despite the simplicity of the kiss.
"What is this feeling?" He asks but we both don't have an answer. He pulls me in for another kiss, but this time he stays longer. He pushes against my lips, and runs his hand though my hair, holding me in place. I reach my arms around his neck, holding myself up as I become weak. Something wet tickles my lips. I open my mouth in surprise, and his tongue slides in, twisting with mine. He deepens the kiss until I must pull away, panting.
He brushes his lips against the sensitive skin of my neck, then my ear. In a hoarse voice he whispers, "Run away with me."
"What?" I pull further away so I can see his expression.
"Run away with me. I can protect you." His eyes are serious.
"Why?" I want to say yes, but I realize that despite my feelings I can't trust him. I barely know him.
"I have never felt this comfortable, nor enticed by anyone. I don't want to let this feeling go." The desperation in his eyes chip away at my no. I feel the same way, but there are so many problems.
"We are strangers."
"We don't have to get married right away or anything. We can take our time." His rebuttal is both logical and romantic.
"What about my family?"
"They can come with us. My new title is greater than anyone in Torcy. I can easily protect them." He strokes my face. "I don't need an answer tonight. I leave tomorrow after dawn. Meet me at dawn with your answer." He leans down to give me another kiss, but this one is only a peck.
"Just think about it tonight." He gazes into my eyes trying to communicate something.
"I will, Étienne." I caress his cheek, before we finally pull apart.
We walk back to the inn in silence, hand in hand. I contemplate my options. At the entrance of the in he gives me another peck before going to his room, leaving me with my jumbled feelings to untangle before dawn.