She wiped her teary-brown eyes, she wrapped her arms tightly around her pillow and squeezed herself into the corner of her bed. Grasping her breath as she deeply sobbed.
Loneliness, emptiness and sadness. These caught her up right at that moment.
Image and memories of him. The hitch of course is that his everywhere.
This feeling that whenever she looked at the mirror, she saw his pretty face and twinkling eyes looking at her passionately. And when she looked at the close door thinking he might be there waiting when she opens it. When everytime she lay down her bed, his beside him with his teasingly look for tickles and cuddles. Those times, she missed it so much.
The feeling of being physically alive but emotionally dead.
Tears kept on shedding as the raindrops heavily poured the roof. It seems though the weather's colliding with the emotions she felt inside. It's unending.
---
It was a lonely night. A cold lonely night. She's all aware that she doesn't have to be like this. For the fact that he left long time ago. And he might have forgotten her existence.
She knew, she need to wake up from this daydream and accept the reality that he will never come back. Never!
She needs to move on and somehow live her life. This time alone. Alone without him.
---
"Why, is it so hard to move on? How I wish doing it would be as simple as those words they said. What tragic spell was cast on me that up until now I have to suffer from the pain happened long time ago? I am going crazy! I just wanted to get out of this sad cage and continue my life. But whenever I try, whenever I tried to, his memoirs keeps on haunting me! What unbearable sin I did in my past life to suffer like this? Please tell me! Please make me understand." Trix bursted as she angrily tore his picture.
"God, please help me! I no longer want to live in this trap. In this dark place. I want to see the beauty of life again. Please!"
Though trembling, she slowly stood up from her bed and went straight to the closet. She then opened her drawer and from there she took out the diary she kept.
Written there was the happy times they shared together. The times they are still much in love with each other. The times where no one can ever separate them. The times where love and happiness exist.
As she turned the pages, she saw the short poem she wrote out of anger to Vincent. This was written a week after the break up.
---
11th of August
Why do you have to leave
Without even saying goodbye?
My hearts gonna explode
As I didn't understand why
I've tried my best
Yet you turn your back
If love really faded away,
Could you have atleast tried to stay?
Could you have atleast told me?
Even how much it hurts,
I would willingly accept.
When you held my hand
I did the same
With hope, you and me will work out
But why'd u suddenly let go?
Why'd it has to end up so sudden?
Like stardust, you've gone forever.
Now I'm curled up sobbing
Maybe everything happened for a reason,
I might not know it now,
But I hope one day I will.
- Trixie Lee Beanne Lopez
---
Riping out that page as she angrily murmured...
"I should hate you right, Vincent?! But damn this stupid heart that is still hoping!"
Tears began to fall again.
"I hope this will be the last! Please Trix, pull yourself together!"
With not enough strength, she throw herself to bed. And with all the ranting, Trix fell asleep with tears freely falling.
---
It's been 3 years when Vincent broke up with Trix. But why is it so hard for her to just move on from this tragic past? Felt like it happened yesterday. The scars and the pain seem not to heal. No matter what she does, it seems the pain is unending. It's like it's being pinched by a needle. It's unbearable that she just wanted to die. She doesn't get why he has to left. She might just need and wanted an explanation. She deserves an explanation for her to understand his reasons to leave like that. She wanted to know what she needs to do to make things work. But was it too late? Did she really have done wrong? Did she said anything wrong? She just didn't get it.
---
"I'm sorry Trix, but I can no longer continue this relationship. Let's end it up here!"
This words that came out of his lips, are the most painful words she ever heard her entire life. This words tore down her world apart.
"But why Babe? Where did I go wrong? Please give me a chance to correct whatever I've done wrong. I need you. Please don't do this to me. You can't to this to me." though shuttering she loudly speak these words.
Vincent turned his broad back at her, leaving no answer. She wanted to run after him, hug him tight, and beg him to stay. But her legs trembled and weakened, that she doesn't have any strength to take even a single step.
Her sight begun to get blury and the last thing she remembered, his image slowly fading away.
---
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[]Baby, why are you crying again? Want me to give your favorite? Your favorite warmest and tight momma hug? Stop crying honey. This will be the last time I'm going to wipe these tears. And I need you to keep your promise to me. That you will stay firm and strong becuase the world we are living in isn't kind all the time. It can be so cruel and a betrayer. You know that I am always here for you, sweetie. No matter what, I'll be here to watch and guide you all throughout. I may not be with you today but we will meet again someday. I love you.[]
[]I love you more Mom. I missed you each passing day. You will always be in my heart. Thank you for everything. Until we meet again.[]
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