How to make love to a women
Older brother, Joe, was giving advice to his younger brother, Kevin, on how to make love to a woman.
"You need to start off slowly" explained Joe, "build up the tempo, then slow it back down again, then mix it up a little - fast then slow."
Kevin seems a little unsure, so Joe shares a technique he uses to keep focused.
"When you're having sex, imagine that you have a pocket full of change. Start out slow and gentle and think of a nickel. Increase the tempo and think of a dime. Step it up a bit more and think of a quarter. Then, as you really build up, think of a dollar. Finally, drop back to a nickel again and repeat the whole thing. You'll drive any woman wild with desire."
Shorty after this, Kevin finds himself about to have his first sexual encounter and he decides to use the advice his brother gave him.
He starts out real slow and in his mind he's thinking,
"nickel.... nickel.... nickel....
nickel... dime... dime...
dime.. quarter.. quarter..
dollar-dollar-dollar
BUCK FORTY!-BUCK FORTY!-BUCK FORTY!!"
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Guys vs girls
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy bangs a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl bangs just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then its a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then its called a crappy lock.
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Bobby wants to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else....
One day, Bobby got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, " I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.
Bobby said "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thougth for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accept the proposal. Half and hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and ask what happened.? She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!