There are times when we experience something and instinctively avoid thinking about it. We put it at the back of our mind and treat it as if it never happened. We cover it with everything else and never address it.
And when we do, we realize a lot of things. That we never really forgot about it. That we never really moved on from it. It just got easier to avoid it. It wasn't resolved or anything.
And all of a sudden, the feelings pour in. It's like a dam suddenly collapsing, and unprepared, the water starts drowning you. You get overwhelmed and subconsciously, you want to just get out of it. You want to forget it again like you did before. Except it's so heavy, and so hard to get away from. It's decapitating. You get so busy just trying to fight it that you forget about everything else.
And when we get out of it, we swear to never look at it again. Remembering is almost harder than trying to forget it.