We have just finished watching Emily's and Derek's movies. We are now watching mine. I really just want to be alone. I... hate feeling this way, and over a boy? A boy I just met and... I have never been boy crazy so why is this so different for me? I look over at him. He is staring at me. My heart starts racing. "I think I am going to go for a walk. I've seen this movie a bunch. Y'all finish it," I say, before grabbing his jacket and going out front.
I head towards the park near my house. I make my way to the swings. I have always loved swinging. I don't care how kid-ish is it. I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling you get in your stomach when you start to feel like you're going to fall. "Now, this is a cute sight," Haylie says. I open my eyes and come to a stop. "What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Not... stalking Jake, if that's what you're thinking," she says. "I wasn't thinking that," I say, feeling awkward. She smiles, taking a seat next to me. "You know he has been in love before." She looks at me. Her eyes are dark. "Has he told you about her?" she asks. I stare at her, confused. "Her... I thought y'all were a thing," I say. She throws her head back laughing. "Kinda. I was more of a distraction he needed to move on..." she says. I feel frustrated and confused.
"He has a past. You're not going to scare me with it. I don't know what your game is, but leave me out of it," I reply. Her smile fades. "I think I already have. It's why you were crying in the bathroom, right"? she asks.
"Isn't that a bit much... seeing how you just met?" Haylie says. "That's... that's why you were crying," Jake asks. My face goes white. How long was he standing there? I look at him. There's a look in his eyes that let's me know that if he feels the same, I'll never know.
I try to not react to that, but I feel my heart shatter. "Look, it's your boyfriend!" Haylie says laughing. She is crazy, I think to myself. "Stormie, go back to the house," he snaps at me. I look at him, confused.
This seems like such a different side to him. "Why don't we give her a show... like we did Katie."She gives him a seductive look. That must be the girl he loved, I think to myself. "Jakey
here was a bad boy," she says. He is so mad that he looks almost not human. I also see a hint of hurt. I want to hug him.
He glares at me. "Stormie, please go home!" he yells. I look at him, wanting so badly for him to come with me, but I already know he is staying. I run. I open the door and run inside. Emily and Derek are upstairs already. I could feel my heart racing. And what happened to Jake? He was so cold. Like I am a burden on him. My mind is racing. I decide I'll ask him when he gets back.
I wake up around 7 am. Did he ever come back? I think to myself. My mind is racing with all the things he might have been doing instead of being here with me. I grab my phone and text him. "Hey... Did you come back last night? Things got weird... Can we talk pls?" I hit the send button. A few minutes later my phone buzzes. "Look Stormie... right now isn't a good time for me... I am busy," he replies. My heart sinks a little.
What if he is disgusted with the idea of me liking him? I feel tears sting my eyes. I run up to my room. "Please... I really need to explain... why I was crying," I say. "Stormie... I know why and trust me, you're better off... Haylie is right, my world is too much for you... you're too innocent. It's best you find this out now... before your feelings grew. See ya around." he replies.
I read the text over and over, mentally torturing my self. I cry so hard. I lay in my bed, curled up in a ball. I hold his jacket. We couldn't even be friends, I thought. I grab the note and pull it out. "I know we just met... but I feel really connected to you. That scares me. But we can only ever be friends and I want to make that clear now. There are things about me that if you knew, you'd hate me too. My life moves too fast for you. I am not good. You wouldn't want me if you knew... your're... you're too innocent. You'll be OK. I just want to make sure you know you're not alone. You'll always have Emily and Derek. Let that be enough."
I put the note in my pocket. I grab my phone. "You're selfish... This should be my choice, not yours. How dare you tell me what I can and can't handle... You know what I think it is... I think you're scared. Scared of being cared for," I hit send, anger now rising through me. How dare he!
I throw a brush at my mirror, cracking it. Great, seven years of bad luck. I hear laughter downstairs. I wash my face off and go downstairs. I can't believe my eyes. Jake is sitting here like nothing happened. I am so confused. He glances at me then looks away.
That pisses me off more. I take his jacket off and walk towards him, throwing it at him. He just stares at me. "I am not one for games," I say, before turning to go back upstairs. I feel proud of myself for letting him know he can't play games with me. I feel my phone buzz. I take it out. One new text from Emily. "What was that about?" she asks. I fill her in.
"I think it is time for us to go," Emily says. Jake raises a eyebrow. "Why? We were about to play video games," he says with sad eyes. She stares at him in shock. "Who even are you right now?" she asks. "Oh I get it. You talked to Stormie... It's better this way," he says. Emily shakes her head in frustration. "Nothing about this is right," she says, her heart hurting. His old self was back.
"I think maybe we should take a rain check," Derek says, sensing the tension. Jake rolls his eyes. "Fine," Jake says. He and Emily start walking home. It's been mostly silent. "Before we go in... what is going on?" She asks. He looks at her. "Em, I am not a good guy. You shouldn't want her with me... she is better off... trust me," he says.
"This is all Haylie's fault. She came back and undid everything that was good about you!" she says, tears in her eyes. "You... You promised this 'you' would never come back," she says, now crying. "Emily, when are you going to wake up!? This is who I am! There is nothing good about me!" he yells.
"I don't know what she did to you... because you wont tell me.
But I hate her for it... I hate her so much," Emily says, before running inside.
"It is better this way... You'd hate me too. I've done worse than her," Jake whispers to himself.