I think it's a common phenomenon.
People always want what they can't have.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Korean was my first language. But it was quickly replaced by English starting from the second grade. English became my main, primary language.
A lot of adults are surprised at how well I speak Korean, all thanks to Korean Dramas, K-pop, Korean Variety Shows.
But I'm actually, quite terrible at Korean.
I can read in Korean. But I actually understand about 40% of what I read and use context clues to figure out the rest. Unless the story is about politics, science, business, world news. Those words fly high over my head.
I cannot write in Korean. I don't know how their alphabet system works. There are these rules regarding what goes where and I haven't learned them. I guess they taught that stuff in second grade.
But when I come across a Korean text, or an adage, or a proverb, or even just a simple sentence out of webtoons, I feel moved. Something about reading that sentence in Korean. Using those specific words, the way they feel coming out of my "broken" mouth is weirdly beautiful.
I have noticed that a lot of Koreans will quote famous American or European philosophers. Something about things written in English seems more sensual and sounds more sophisticated or whatever.
The grass is always green on the other side.
남의 떡이 더 커 보인다.
I want to hope that one day, I would be able to write in Korean. Write to express the mess that is my thoughts.