It has been quite hard to control my anger these days.

But when he snapped at me with his own personal problems and teenage angst, I felt a tingle in my throat. A roar, a growl almost, wanting to eject out of my mouth.

It happened so fast. I felt my face get hot.

And I screamed. Almost instinctively.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE ANGRY AT ME!"

And I had no reason to be angry at him. Not particularly anyways.

Was I annoyed that he projected his own personal, petty, annoyance at me? Yes.

Was I annoyed that I had to drag my weary body out to give him a ride to his friend's birthday party? Yes.

I wanted to stop the car, right then and there. I wanted to kick him out like they do in those movies. But I kept driving. I stopped at the four-way stop and turned right, too quickly. I didn't even see that it was not my right of way. We didn't crash since that car was turning in the same direction from the opposite street.

I felt sick. I hadn't yelled at someone like that, ever.

My heart started pounding even though we were not even close to being hit.

We drove in silence. His eyes and hands were fixed on his phone. He didn't even fall asleep which he always did when he got in the car.

Probably talking to his friends about me. I brushed it off and kept driving.

While waiting for the light to turn green so that I can take the freeway, my face cooled down and my anger quickly was replaced with guilt.

He didn't deserve my anger. I wasn't really mad at him despite my brain trying to reason that I was. I kept coming with what HE did prior to our departure. He lashed out at our mom and dad, he asked me for a ride to a place that was 30 minutes away when he had to be there in 10 minutes, complained that I was too slow when I was getting ready to go, gave me the wrong address. All the reasons that made me incredibly annoyed at him yes. But did he deserve this deep hatred and anger? No.

What was I so deeply angry about?

I don't know. Actually, I might but I don't know if I'm ready to bring it out to the surface. I'm afraid that I might get hurt. Or worse.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling.