Nakita kong sumabog ang comment box sa 100th post ko. I do blogging. This is the only way I could express the feelings I've closed in a jar. All my bottled hopes and my timid love. Lahat ng hindi ko maamin.
Hindi ako ang tipo ng tao na kayang itapon ang katinuan para umamin. So I relied in the virtual world that the digital age created. It was just funny to think that I was still fake even in a fake dimension.
PollenPrincess.
That's how I named myself. Hindi pinag-isipan ng malalim ang pangalang iyon. Isang tingin lang kasi sa buhay ko, sapat na para malaman kung ano ang mali. My life is a compilation of fallen fairytales. Para bang noong naglaro ang tadhana, ako lang ang bukas na playground. Sumalo tuloy ng lahat ng kalokohan nito.
Kasi kung hindi nga ganoon, bakit ako hinayaan ng tadhana na mabaliw sa best friend ko? At bakit niya hinayaan ang best friend ko na ligawan ang ibang tao?
I hated its plays and games. Because every time it's having fun, I'm having a downfall. Thus, Pollen is from Fallen. My jeje days created the idea. Wala lang. Simpleng paglalaro ng ponetika.
"Siri!" The familiar voice behind my ear made me jump. Agad kong naisara ang laptop kung saan nakabukas ang mga posts ko.
I faced the human liable for my sudden heart attack. "What the hell Zero?!"
He laughed lazily pero puno pa rin ng pang-aasar. "You're reading that blog? Bakit? May ikinabibigo ba ang love life mo?"
Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa kahihiyan. Hindi ako sanay nakaririnig ng personal comments sa blog ko. Higit sa lahat, nagulat pa ako na alam niya ang blog ko. It was not very popular. But at least, it reached 60,000 people by now. Kahit pa, hindi ko inaasahang isa siya sa naabot ng mga basag kong kwento.
"Shut up. What do you need?"
He jumped from the back of the couch and slid himself down to the foam. "Magprapractice ka mamaya?"
Tumaas ang kilay ko, "Bakit? May competition ba?"
"Yabang!" Tamad niyang idinantay sa likuran ng sofa ang ulo niya. Pinanood nito ang ceiling.
I went silent as I watched him move languidly. Lagi itong tamad at ayaw kumilos. There were only very few things in this world that could catch his interest. And there are fewer things that could make him work with his full power. But I've never seen anything or anyone make his passion go wild.
Tulad ng dati ay malaya kong natitigan ang mukha niya. Nagbalik sa puso ko ang pilit pinipigil na tibok. Iyong mabilis at parang baliw. Ang makapal na kilay at kahit madalas ay walang ganang mata niya ang paborito ko pa ring pagmasdan. Kaya kapag nagkakaroon ng kahit kaunting pagbabago sa emosyon niya sa mata, ay nahuhulog ako lalo.
His nose defined his eyes even more and his lips just complemented everything. Hindi pa nakakatulong ang makinis nitong balat at ang kakaibang bagsak ng buhok.
Tumayo ako bago pa 'ko mapaamin ng wala sa oras. "You think I need a practice?"
Hindi siya nagsalita pero alam kong sinundan niya ng tingin ang paglalakad ko papuntang grand piano. I sat there carefully and opened it.
The first key where my finger landed resonated a calm and soft sound. I gracefully hit the other tiles until my soul was satisfied with the melody I'm making. I'm very proud with this. Matagal kong pinag-isipan ang melody nito para maipagyabang sa kaniya. Hindi ko pa nga lang napagdedesisyunan pa ang bass part.
My fingers alternately flying through the air and landing on the piano made me smile. Pero halos mahulog ako sa upuan nang makita ang daliri niyang gumawa ng isang simpleng pagtipa. Nakalapit na pala siya. He sat beside me.
I didn't stop playing. Tuloy-tuloy ako hanggang sa sumabay na ang daliri niya sa melodiya ko. His slender fingers were as precise as ever. It created a powerful complementary sound to mine.
"That was a nice music." He said.
Umirap lang ako. Nakakainis ang pagiging genius niya. "That's very insulting."
"What?" He asked innocently while the refrain repeated.
"Matagal kong pinag-isipan ito! I couldn't decide for the bass part tapos isang rinig mo lang sa melody, you knew exactly what to play!" I burst out. Inborn talents are so damn insulting. Not that I am no good, he was just really so above.
Paulit-ulit lang kasi iyong strophe and refrain. Nang marinig niya na ang dalawang tunog, he decided immediately what to do with the bass part and damn, I can't think of anything better than that.
The music approached the ending notes.
"Siri," he called me, "I thought I'd let you know first."
Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang kakaibang kaba ko. Basta dumadagundong ang puso ko ng malakas. Malakas pa sa tunog na nagagawa naming dalawa.
"Mistica and I," Isang banggit pa lang sa pangalan niya, alam ko ng masasaktan ako sa kasunod.
"We're official." He whispered, eyes serious on the keys.
Nanghina ang daliri ko at bumagal sa pagtugtog. So what, right?
"Oy, may Ritardando ba talaga sa dulo?" He asked, chuckling, but still following my slowing fingers.
Hindi ko na naisip sagutin iyon. This music will forever remind me of the day I lost him. I bled inside and realized where things started to go wrong.
I was too blinded with the days we were crazily happy. I held too much on the promises of a silly child. I got carried away with our parents' jokes that we'd end up together.
So now that the days are about to end, now that the child is no longer a child, and now that I see he's not taking the jokes seriously, only now did I realize I was always just a best friend to him.
I laughed like any best friend would, "Ganda niya ah! Iba ka, malakas. Akalain mong makukuha mo nga 'yon!"
He rolled his eyes, "Yeah."
I acted playful when a part of me was breaking. I teased my best friend even when I felt a deep fear that soon, he'll be taken away from me. Yes, I kept the faćade because I was even faker in the real world.