As I step outside I feel chains being released from my ankles. You get so used to being a prisoner you forget what it's like to be free. No more pleasing people with fake laughs and pretentious agreements to fit in.
Still, it's cold out here without them and I feel my heart sink a bit. I look across the street and see a group of homeless people in an alleyway lighting up smokes. Even they have each other at least. Maybe it was the wrong decision. Maybe I should go back in and apologize. But for what, so I can go back to lying to myself about being happy? Obviously I want more than their company right? I take a big sigh before I start walking the opposite direction of where I parked my car. I could do for a city walk.
Thirty minutes pass of me wandering around in a dangerous place at night to be alone, but I could care less about my environment right now. I just want to brood about my choice and the possibilities of the future now that I've changed things at the last minute.
My phone suddenly buzzes and I pick it up without looking. "Hello?" "Ada, why would you just leave like that? Mandy says she feels like killing herself now. She feels like the world is hopeless because you left-" I end the call before she can finish. The positivity of my choice reinforces itself and I remove them from my contacts except for Anna. I don't need to be controlled through guilt trips. I keep reminding myself that I'm not a bad person and that I'm just following what I think is right for me.
The uncertainty of life still broods upon me and I return to my car compelled to get more drinks to pass the time. I think If I could just skip to the important moments rather than wait for the expansive consequences of my choices. Frustrated I hit my head against the steering wheel defeated by boredom.
Realizing I'm still tipsy and my vision is a bit blurry I just sit in my car and recline the chair back to stare at the night sky. I expect the stars but all I see are dark clouds and the occasional peeking moon that lets me know there's more to the lovely night than what I see. I let out a weak laugh at my attempt to cheer myself up by being hopeful. At least I tried.
Time will pass and things will be revealed.