I swear I could speak to him endlessly. When we first met there are things I wouldn't have desired about him so much as I do now. His voice warms my cheeks and fills my heart with helium air. I'm unable to think about anything else when he's on my mind and it makes me feel insane and obsessed. I sometimes hate it but I can't help but feel what I suppose people call 'love' when I'm near him. What amazes me the most about him is his ability to question my rationale when I'm not thinking straight. I've grown so much as a person since I've met him and my feelings have been building up inside for a year now.
As I hold the phone up to my ear, he finally breaks the silence I accidentally created by my racing thoughts. "Something on your mind?" He always knows I'm hiding thoughts when I'm quiet. What's worse is that he forces me to tell him, and what I want to say is the last thing from easy. I attempt to lie, "I'm just wondering how I can help my friend for her date this Saturday." Obviously he doesn't buy into it but he remains quiet. "Well, if you don't want to talk then I'll just talk to you later" He says, and I quickly respond, "No! I um.. Sorry there's just something on my mind and.. I don't really want..well.. I'm just scared to talk about it." I start fidgeting with the ends of my shirt. I can feel the apprehension and tension inside me from the mental war from the one side that wants to run away and hide and the other side that's been fighting a harsh battle to confess their feelings. If I don't deal with this soon then I don't know how I'm going to be able to function normally around him. I love our normal conversations about life and philosophy, interesting TV shows and likely conspiracies, but my feelings. My damn passionate feelings are getting in the way and this is all so overwhelming.
"Well, I'll always be here if you want to talk. Also I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow night."
Someone please save my rapidly beating heart. He wants to hang out. "Sure! Where and when?" I say enthusiastically trying to mask my nervousness. He gives out a faint chuckle and then says the details. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then! I have to get to sleep though. I have early classes, goodnight…" I hesitate before I decide to say his name, "Dalton". "Goodnight Ada" He responds and we both sit quietly on the line waiting for the other to hang up but also not wanting to get off the call. I finally hang up and let out a long sigh as I drop the back of my head to my pillow and clutch my phone in my hands. This is going to be a long night.