He was tall and handsome. His eyes were warm and he would make you fall for him just by looking at you...

Wait, isn't this how every romantic story goes? But I will tell you that story anyway! Maybe you will say: "Oh, I was there too!"

Before telling you more about him, I will open my heart to you.

I am not good looking, I am fat, I am nothing special, just the ordinary girl who studies very hard, dreaming of a better future. And... my mind is a mess! One day I feel totally fine, I am confident, I straighten my back and walk like I am the most beautiful person ever. However things are a little bit different mostly - I am afraid to look others in the eyes because I feel like my whole existence is ugly and unnecessary. Sometimes, I think that even my presence can make people feel sick. I told you, my mind is a mess, I didn't lie for the sake of an "interesting" plot line. There are times when the black shadow visits my mind and makes me think absolutely the worst about myself.

I am sure I am not the only one who feels like this, so let me talk more about that, so called "black shadow".

You know how they say: "...the beauty is power, the beauty is the key to having it all, isn't it?" We live in a society where beauty really is power, where pretty people rule and all the rest, who are we? Just the bunch of irrelevant existences, brainwashed to run toward the beautiful individuals? Or maybe there is something else... I still don't know the answer. Yesterday I was told that my hair looks ugly and I should do something about it as soon as possible So, I guess If I want to be "powerful" I should style my hair differently and put a lot of make up? However, is this really the key path to that so called "beauty" - this smiling mask I put on my sad face? With that mask I can make others see me differently and judge positively. Or maybe I am just invisible to others and nobody cares about me... They just care about seeing something pretty and aesthetically pleasing. Who knows?

I always thought the wolrd is wrong, not me, the others just don't understand me at all. But the true path to change is to change your mind first - to start facing yourself and loving yourself as who you are. In other words, first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem at all. You are the owner of your life and yes, you can't change the world, but you CAN change yourself.

But, listen to me just this once. Maybe... We don't want to change. Maybe our current state of mind is our "safe place", our sanctuary. Maybe, we are just damned... And we can't never escape from lookism, right?