Since I was a young girl. I never really understood why should I do things that made other people happy, but not myself. I was always told what to wear, how to eat and how to talk to people.

My life was very boring and this made me a rebel. I did the opposite of what was said. As I grew up though, I found out that society can be really judgmental and very hypocritical as well.

People expected you to be this perfect person that never makes mistakes, they expected you to give and give without getting rewards. They wanted someone who didn't express their real feelings but someone who accepted their ridiculous demands.

I had a mother who cared more about what the community thought and she loved that they praised her for everything, she painted this fake image and wanted us to live up to it.

Facade....

This made me angry all the time, I felt like I was drowning in my own home. Her perfect picture of a family, she demanded so much ended up breaking it apart.

Pyscho...

She ended up being divorced because father couldn't take her demands anymore. He was her husband, not her PERFECT doll. When the divorce happened. She couldn't handle the whispers about her not being so perfect after all. She had been very judgmental and cruel to others before, so they repaid her ten times worse.

Mother was a very selfish, self-absorbed person and this made people hate her a lot. She didn't notice the way they'd look at her. She also made us targets.

People always made nasty comments about us, I never gave them the satisfaction to hurt us. I will never be judged for her actions and I will never tolerate any ridicule towards me or my siblings. Father remarried and the stepmother is nice, mother became a laughing stock of the town. She couldn't take it, hence the reason we are all here today.

She was a coward, a coward that took an easy way out. She decided to take her life rather than face the music. She did not want to burn, so she ran away from the fire.

People were lying here and saying nice things about her, when we all know she was vindictive, arrogant, and narcissistic. I was scoffing and I didn't find it in my heart to cry for her, because she was never a mother to us, maybe that is why our lives were so messed up.

I wanted this funeral to be over with, I don't want to be here anymore. My mother's sisters tried to blame father for her death but I told them straight, they all should go to hell and leave my father the fuck alone.

Did they want to blame my dad for her fucked up life?

She had a princess syndrome and refused to understand that we are humans, and we're bound to make mistakes. I don't like being judgmental right now because it makes me just like her, but I cannot take the hateful glares they are sending towards my father.

After the service was done my aunt Louise dared to curse my father out.

"You have no shame coming here knowing it is your fault my sister is dead. You might as well have shoved those pills down her throat," she said ablazed with anger.

"You have no right to be here and you even brought your trampy wife with you. How disrespectful of you to my sister?"

I couldn't believe my ears. How dare she say such vile things to my dad?

My father is a sweet man, he just stood there welcoming all the insults. He said nothing to retaliate. He was sympathetic towards her, but I was not as nice.

"Look here, dearest aunt," I said sarcastically.

"Your sister was a self-centred bitch, a coward, and a dreamer. I am sorry she couldn't handle being dumped, but she had it coming. She cared so much about her appearance and what the community perceived than her family. She reaped what she sowed... Mother cared for herself only, no one else. So, her killing herself was her decision and her selfishness, not my father's doing." I said with a sneer.

She was shocked and I mean everyone else around too might have thought, wtf?

Didn't her mother just die? Why is she acting like she doesn't care?

Well, I did not care because she never cared about me. Good riddance.

"I never want to hear any vile things said about my father or my stepmom. Your sister inhaled those fucking pills on her own when she felt alone. Well, that is on her. This is all her fault and today is the results of her own doings." The dear aunt was seething with anger.

"You should be ashamed of yourself. She was your mother. How can you speak about her like that?" she was crying now.

Was that supposed to make me feel guilty? It changes nothing.

"She was not a mother to me but a donor. She never was there for me when I got bullied in school or in the community. People always expected us to be the perfect princes and princess she painted us to be." I was annoyed with her attitude.

"Do you have any idea what she did if we failed a test?" I asked.

"Instead of finding out what was hard for us to learn and what we didn't understand, she starved us." What type of a mother can do that to her offspring?

"Did you know that she once poisoned father's food with rat poison, because he was seen having a meeting with a female client?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow. I then carried on,

"That was cheating to her and it apparently made her look bad in the community. " Where is the logic in that? She was fucking crazy.

"Did you know she beat Liam so bad, he had a concussion? Just because he defended himself against bullies at school..." Aunt looked at me with wide eyes. Yes, she will now know how sick her beloved sister was.

"No?... Don't look at me like that, your sister was dip shit crazy and a selfish bitch." I shook my head in disbelief. These people had no idea how vile mother was, she was a very cruel woman.

"Stay away from my family," I said to her.

We left everyone there in shock and disbelief. I hate that in funerals people are made to look like they were saints, while they were the devils in disguise.

Well, that was my life when I was 17 years old, now I am 23 years old.

Today I woke up in a hotel naked, I don't remember a thing. I will not dwell on the what if's and what not's, the only thing I will do is use an after pill and go get myself tested. I had to make sure I didn't get infected.

I will not say someone took advantage of me because I know that would be a lie, I am a whore when I am drunk. That's why I usually stay far away from alcohol.

I am making a vow today, I will not let my colleagues or anyone else convince me, ever again to drink.

This was seriously getting old and quite frankly ridiculous. I needed to reflect on myself and decide what I want in life. I cannot keep on doing reckless things like this all the time.

I am no virgin, but I usually make sure I don't sell myself short when I have my one-night stands. It is a pity really when I get drunk, I usually forget everything until a week later.

This happens when I see a familiar face. I wish the dude I fucked this time is not a sick fuck, otherwise, I am fucked.