When I mentioned that my time isn't coming I thought that my loyal friend was going to open up about their conversation earlier. But it can't be over until the fat lady sings. As I watched him driving back, I thought of going in the house and also thought of staying outside on the veranda. I asked myself, what is the need of going inside the house? If I will keep on, drowning myself into misery. I never knew that love can be unpleasant, all I knew was that love is kind, caring and patient, I did all that but when is my big break? Will I utterly get a cessation when she has got someone with more vibe like Vusi? Cause I'm church a church boy. It is so painful just when they cannot see the love you have for them. It pains me to see her every day, seeing her worry about someone else whilst I'm just a second away.
The stress I'm having about her will definitely send me straight to alcohol or maybe cigars. I just need to clear my mind that's all. It is so bad for a Christian child or anyone who thinks of doing the unthinkable doings prevented to be done by Christians. As I relaxed my mind gazing at the moon I heard footsteps coming straight to my direction. I wasn't scared, why should I be scared, I know I'm supposed to and its also late at night. A thug would come and shoot or stab me as many times he or she would like. I wouldn't mind or even fight back; he or she would have released me from my anguish.
I sometime do wish that God should have made us humans more superior so that we could see or either sense or even tell the love about some people that they claim to have, we would tell if it was Genuine or just an imitation kind of love, probably some people would be living a healthy and promising life other than stressing yourself out without having the assurance that it is the right partner and stop pretending just for the sake of kids or property.
"Would you mind if I sit down?" she asked with a sweet toned voice.
"No,"
"Thanks, why are you sitting alone in the dark?"
"I… um… just need to think and clear my mind." my voice was quivering "the freshness of the air at this time is so celestial,"
"Oh ok, I can feel it too, so um… what are you thinking about?"
"My life and everything, which I would love and want to achieve,"
"Ok…. That's great… so um… what have you achieved so far?"
"Nothing,"
"Seriously nothing?" she was amazed by my response.
"Yeah, is there some sort of a problem with that?"
"No its just that, you are in school and you do own quite a few things… that is some sort of achievement,"
"The things I have I don't mind about them, I can regain them even if I were to lose them!"
"Oh really?... so what are those things…"
"… Would you please, cut it out with your questions?"
"… I was just creating a conversation… there's no need to be rude!"
"Well, don't…. I told you already… I need to think!" I got up and stood by the door, she also got up.
"But… but why,"
"Because… I'm not in a mood for it!"
"Am not talking about your silly thoughts of achievements… I'm talking about the way you are treating me… why are you being like this?"
Her voice started to quiver, I know that she's an emotional person, if you mistreat her sort of unkindly manner; tears would just drip out of her eyes. I did not answer her; I thought I should keep quiet for a while.
"J.R I know there's something troubling you… please stop blocking me away… talk to me I'm here for you just like you are here for me!"
"Why do you care all of a sudden? Why, or you have been made the next mother Teresa?"
She tried to speak but the rage in my eyes scared her off, she was out of words, she just unleashed the beast in me, which I thought has been buried but no.
"Yeah, I thought so… you have got nothing to say,"
I turned around as I started walking she grabbed my hand.
"I care about you!" she stood in front of me, and gazed into my eyes with her teary eyes. "Friends take good care of each other," she said.
"I have told you before that I don't want to be your friend!"
"But J.R… you promised me that you'll wait!"
"Tonight is my last night here, when we get back from the campus's function, I'll drop you off by the gate and I'll drive off to my parents place,"
"But that is unfair…" tears dripped and dripped out, she wiped them out, her eyes were red, she was shaking but I could not hold her or either comfort her.
"…You know that I'm trying to heal the wounds in my heart and you have asked me of this!... you don't think for other's but yourself!"
"Tell me, Lindy, what is fair? The fact that I left my family and be with you whilst we are not in a relationship? Tell me what is fair, the fact that I can see it in your eyes that you love me but don't have the guts to tell me? Oh please tell me what is fair, you love me, baby but you are messing around with my heart, and it hurt so bad, I love you and I know you love me, why can't we just be happy?"
"You promised me that you'll wait!"
"Look, I'm sorry, maybe I'm getting the wrong impression, but the truth is, it pains me because I don't know what you want from me? A friendship or a relationship,"
"Please try to understand Joe…"
"I think the best thing I have to do right now, is walk away from you, because I just can't keep on standing, hoping that you might change your mind about me…I'll understand that, you were not taken from my rib, bones of my bones, veins of my veins."
I walked out on her and went straight upstairs into my guest room. My intention was never about leaving, but just to open her eyes because she'll miss the bright moonlight in me whilst counting the stars. I just wanted to push her on the right direction.
The time was 23:58 when she stood at my door. She saw me packing my clothes the alarm went On! It was my time for prayers. Praying when your heart is down or your emotions are all over, it's totally impossible to say the right words. The only option was to do a silent prayer.
"Are you going to stand there and watch me pray?"
"Am sorry just that you did not invite me in,"
"It's up to you… you either come in or not… I don't care but please don't stand at the door!"
"You can be so mean sometimes…"
"What?"
"Just when it's suits you,"
"Whatever! I'm praying,"
Morning come, the sun shone as bright as the moonlight it was so bright and beautiful too. I stayed on the room did not want any complications in my heart anymore. But hunger made me walk out of the room, my intestines were roaring like a lion in the jungle.
As I walked down the stairs Ncane was at the kitchen, preparing some lunch for herself.
"Oh… look who has finally walked out of the room? Joseph Radebe!"
I giggled and she laughed too.
"Good day Ncane," I greeted.
"Good day to you too son,"
"What are you making?" I asked.
"Just lettuce, with some fruits in it… do you eat olives?"
"No I don't!"
"They are healthy you know?"
"Yeah I know it's just their bad taste that I don't like… I love cherry's they are so sweet," I replied.
"You young stars and sugar… grab a plate so that I can dish up for you… Lindy, oh hi… you are just in time for lunch… you can also grab a plate so…"
"… No thank you, I'm all right! Am not hungry," she said.
"You seem a bit occupied, are you alright?" Ncane asked Lindy.
"Yeah I just need to lie down for a bit," she replied.
"I saw that you kids were having fun last night!" Ncane said.
"Yeah it was a great night," she looked so tense.
"Ncane, I have to tell you something before you go back to sleep!" I said.
"What is it?" she asked.
"… um I think that I should probably leave, Lindy seems to be fine now… and after all I have extended my visit."
"No silly! You haven't, I'm enjoying your presence around the house so does Lindy… isn't so dear?" She probed.
"Yeah that's correct… having a man in this house is probably the nicest thing." Lindy agreed.
"Come on ladies… I also have my own life you know," I said.
"You can do whatever you are used too, just as long we are probably safer enough you can then go, no questions asked." She said.
I suspected that perhaps Lindy had told her Aunt before I did; she must have twisted her arm to gang up on me. I kept on wondering throughout the whole day, how was I going escape this house.
Later that evening, we prepared for church. We got dressed up for church, as a guy it's not our thing to play around the wardrobe, just to change on outfits. I was prepared for church and also the function. After the service at church we greeted each other with everyone, we were about to get into our cars when the man of God, Apostle Nkosi sent out one of the ushers to stop us. We were all stunned, I did not know what to do or either say. We went back to him, because we were all confused.
"Evening sir," I greeted, he looked at us and he placed his right hand on Lindy's chest! "Um… Apostle is everything alright sir?"
"Everything… will be fine until she decides to do the right thing…" he said.
"What right thing sir?" she asked.
"My dear… your heart is heavy… and there's a lot of strain," he expressed.
"But she looks fine to me!" I said.
"Yes … she's hiding it! My dear, breathe and release your heart, this is fate, and I can see that you are trying to fight it, but I edge you to do it before it's too late!"
She nodded her head; she was dying inside because of guilt.
"Lindy you don't seem, to disagree with what the Apostle is saying?"
"It's because it is all true, J.R." she said. Her emotionality took over.
"So what is he talking about?" she was quavering she did not know that she might be spotted, since the day she caught Vusi cheating with that other girl, she has been all emotional.
"Don't pressure him Joseph, she'll tell you when she's ready…" he said.
"Ok… I understand but…"
"… You just carry on and keep it up too, and carry on with your kind heart! And by all means, fast and pray…. I have to tell you this though, if I don't I'll regret it… Lindy you need to release your heart my dear… its heavy."
"Pastor please tell me, if it also concerns me… sir talk to me I can handle any situation now." I was shaking, I knew that I was fasting and praying but why should I need to be reminded?
"I see a dark cloud over you…" he said.
"What, a dark cloud?" It scared the devil out of me! "But …Sir what do you mean? Can't you pray for me and remove it?" he shook his head sideways.
"Ask your friend here, she's the one who can help. Other than that, dear son there's nothing I can do it's out of my hands!... I was just passing the message... and I only hope it won't be too late by then!" he explained.
"What is he talking about son?" Dad asked. He was shocked by my action, that's why he came over.
"He's speaking in riddles pops, I don't understand either." I said.
"Pray for your son. Now for what may happen in the future might save him!" he concluded.
We were all bemused. I didn't know what to say my body crumbled. Did not know how to answer him, I thought all of this was just a lark cause it was April fool, I had it in me that perhaps the man of God is pulling a lark on me, so to sadden him I had to act calm like I'm not shaken by his stunt. But then I replied with great assurance and prudence.
"Whatever that may happen sir, I can't revoke it, and it was all in God's plan from the beginning, since from creation, so it is all in his hands. I don't know what tomorrow holds I'm just going to leave everything to him and only he will prevail upon my life!" I said.
"I love that spirit that's within you." he said.
It hit me so hard! How can my life be depending on her? I understood every word the man of God had said, and there I only thought that he would say 'it's a joke son' but he didn't. What he said isn't making any sense has my love for her sent me to an early grave? I guess I poured my heart out to the wrong soul, for a moment I regretted falling for her. I'll rather not keep my focus on her anymore and try to get my life in order. Perhaps this 'dark cloud' hovering above my head that I can't see, will soon disappear.