{But even the wolf wants her…} Russ found himself mounting the stairs of the apartment before he even realized his paw had left the soil. He pushed the door open and made his way down the long hallway. He stood outside the door at the end of the hall, fighting the urge to open it.
… But the fight was lost. Russ entered Joslyn's room still in wolf form. {I need to leave…} He couldn't pull his gaze off her beautiful sleeping form. {Just back out of the room, Russ… NOW!} He took another step forward. {I… Can't... LEAVE…}
"Ahhh…" {Umm… sooo… good!} Joslyn had been wrecked with dreams of Russ from the second she had drifted off into a restless sleep. {This dream feels so real!} She released a heavy moan, "Oh, Russ!" A strangely arousing sensation pulled Joslyn from the recesses of sleep. Hot, wet pressure stroked seductively along her neck causing a low moan to escape her lips. As her body began to move toward the sensation, she felt an arm come down on the bed beside her chest. {Wait! Did the bed just shift? Was that a dream or… is someone in here?} Without even opening her eyes Joslyn knew immediately who it was. {Oh no…} She could smell the strong musk that was Russ, a kind of earthy blend of fresh night air, Oleander (a flowering shrub with a vanilla fragrance), and raw male essence. She could feel the weight of his body slowly work its way down onto hers. As she slowly opened her eyes, she rolled further onto her back extending out her left-hand making contact with a bare, rock-hard chest. "Stop!"
The words were barely a whisper, but they were enough to snap Russ out of whatever had come over him. "Sorry," Russ said as he set back onto the bed with his head hung low in embarrassment at the second rejection of the night. {Why is she fighting this so hard, I know she wants me. She was responding to my every touch and even called out my name… Why is she fighting me now?}
"Russ, it's ok. I understand." Joslyn said as she sat up in bed and worked to soothe Russ's obvious discomfort. "I love you… but-" Before the last word could even fully leave her mouth, Joslyn could feel his body drawing closer to her once again.
As he lowered his head to her once again, Russ answered, "I have always…"
"RUSS, please stop and listen!" Joslyn tried to put more force into her words this time. "I love you and Shelly dearly." She could feel her eyes start to burn, "You are both my everything, you mean so much to me…"
"Jos." Joslyn could hear the hurt in his voice as he said her name.
Emotion filled her voice as she continued, feeling tears build up in her eyes as she spoke. "It's hard for me to see you like this. Every time you… lately…" Joslyn lowered her head and closed her eyes, fighting back the tears she knew would come one way or the other. Struggle as she may, the tears wouldn't hold back any longer as she finished her next sentence. "I can't risk losing you… Because of something like this!"
"Jos, don't cry." Hurt weighed heavily in Russ's voice as he continued, "You would never lose either of us. I know what you think but this isn't like that."
Staring at the head still hung low over her legs, she begged in a low whisper. "Please go back to your room."
Russ let out a heavy sigh, "Jos, I love you in more than a 'family' kind of way." He fought the urge to take her into his arms. {If I pulled her into my arms right now it would probably just upset her more, and I doubt I could stop at just holding her.}
Her eyes met his in the darkroom again, "You couldn't possibly!" despair filled her words as she continued, "You know better than anyone why!" Tears trailed down her face as she asked again, "Please, just go to your room."
Russ moved to the edge of the bed. He slowly pushed himself up off the bed and turned to place a light kiss on the top of her head. {I'll give in tonight, but I'm not giving up!} The faint light from the window gave Joslyn her first good view of Russ. The faint flakes of light contoured and stroked the hard curves of his arms and chest muscles. "I'll go…" Russ said. He turned away from her and walked slowly toward the door, each step painfully weighted. As Russ opened the door, he looked back over his shoulder at her and said, "Jos, I really do love you… I'll wait as long as it takes for you to realize the truth of my words." He waited quietly in the doorway for her response.
Muffled in sobs, Joslyn said with the last remaining shreds of restraint, "Please Russ, just leave. I can't have this conversation with you like this right now." She watched as the soft glowing sparks of light from her window danced across his bare body. {Why me! God Damnit! He looks so good right now!} She thought as she watched the light add contour to the rippling muscles of his back and ass. {Why couldn't werewolves be like the ones on TV and keep their clothes on when they shifted?} She pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face against them.
She stayed like that until she heard the soft click of the door closing, then she quickly grabbed her robe off the floor and walked over to the window and gazed out. Her eyes quickly scanned the yard of the apartment on the edge of the campus. There were a few people out and about even at this hour. Her eyes skipped over the guy sitting under a tree texting and fell on a couple holding hands and giggling while walking a small dog. {I want that too, but it's just not possible for someone like me.} Another tear slid down her cheek as she imagined walking hand in hand with Russ along a beach with her stomach swollen large with his child. "I am my mother's daughter after all…" She pressed her palm against the glass as she watched the first flickers of morning brighten the sky.