A home is always a place you can go to, it's the feeling of being safe with your family. I never felt that went mother and father got their divorce. So far living with my mother was becoming my side of hell. I wasn't dead, but inside I wasn't really alive. All that life that was there was taken from me over and over as I grew. I work and went to school, but it never got me away from school. Life of happiness was dead inside of me, but one thing made me feel normal. My friends and helping out with the football team. The thoughts of being happy slipped every day, but maybe it would end this year. That never happened, but we ended up having two students missing.

They were Marry and Lize, both were different from one another, but they got along. Marry was one of the cheerleaders and treated everyone the same, but Lize was different. She smoked and drank with most of the country boys or goths. Other than that she was quiet from people. I wanted to be like that, but I wasn't the same. Wanting to be different was hard, but all I have seen was pain. The cuts on my arm became a memory of who I was. No one was going to save me from this path in life, but some try. Alice Harper and Luna Grace, the only two friends I had. I thought that the football team was friends, but later on, they would treat me like I was useless. There I was only used as a Water girl or helped the coach with anything he needed. It made me feel better away from home, but it always ended the same. Mother sits there waiting for me to come home and beats me like no other. She blamed me for her father leaving me and uses the money he gives me for her alcohol.

"Caroline you little slut!" my mother called for me. It was early in the morning and had to get to school.

"Yeah..." I squeaked as I walked into the living room filled with bottles and takeup for the last couple of days. All she does was complain about the house not being clean and that I had to pay for my rent. I was lucky that she made it a hundred dollars, but I was forced to do most of the work. Last night I spent the time cleaning the house and making a list of what we need. But it seemed that she ordered food and covered up my hard work.

"Did I tell you to clean up this mess last night!" she screamed as her hand raised in the air.

"You did mother...." I said and took what was going to happen next. All I felt was a pain on my cheek, knowing that a mark would show during school. I wanted to run and hide, but I went back into my room, grabbing my school bag. I was lucky to have school supplies as my father sent them to me. He learned that Mom was spending most of it on other things and then asking for more. So he paid for my supplies and told me to send a letter for anything. All I wished for was a way out of this hell hole. Willow Springs was a small town in Missouri, but no one knew about my suffering. Small Towns are supposed to be known for information getting around, but minds stay behind doors. The beatings and my cutting were all I could do.

Outside I barely had a coat to keep me warm, and all I wear were long-sleeved shirts with a pair of jeans and black sneakers. But in school, I was a loner, since both Alice and Lune were with their friends. So I would sit outside in the cold and wish for something different would happen. All I had was school and the two jobs I had in the library and the bar. I was lucky to even work at the bar, but they needed people to be there. So I was taught the way of being a bartender and became very good at it. Some of the people from town would ask how I was doing and give me tips for the hard work. The worse times were went mother would come in and think that she was going to get a free drink or two. So I ask someone else to take my place when it happens.

"Caroline!" a voice called out to me, but when I turned to see a very tall and muscular person. I didn't know who he was, but I knew that he was in the football time. I bet it was something that the coach needed me or was that practice was after school.

"Yes?" I replied in a cold, but nervous tone.

"Coach wanted you to know that Practice was after school," he replied with a smile.

"Thanks," I answered and started to walk away. But it didn't take long for other boys to be laughing at him. I thought he was cute for a football guy, but the chances are very slim for love to happen. Looking back to see the brown-haired boy, who was close to six feet, with his friends. I thought it was weird to see him blushing and snapping at his friend to shut up. The sight made me smile a bit when I got inside. The temperature was better than outside and I could feel my body coming back to life. I hated the cold, but I force myself to act like I don't feel it. So I went to my locker to put my bag away and to grab my stuff for each class. The first class was my favorite, English Literature, where I get to learn more about old literature and read about them. It made me feel at peace, but most of the time Alice and Luna would ask me for my note. They had a tendency to fight about who is right on their homework, but I help when I can.

"Morning Mrs. Lowin," I said as I headed for my desk.

"Good Morning Caroline," she smiled, "How was your day yesterday."

"The normal." I replied, "Work, go home to clean the house, and make sure that my work is done right before going to bed."

"You take a few days off at work." she sighed, "You're going to burn yourself out if you keep this up. Worst is that you could get sick by not taking care of yourself."

"Don't worry," I smiled, "I make sure to take breaks when I need it."

"Hope so. Your my best student and I want you to do well." She smiled. I knew that she would keep an eye on me while I worked at the bar. There have only been times that someone flirts with me or tries to hurt me in any way. So every time that she asked about me working is the same answer. 'I need the money" or 'They need people". She would always order fruity drinks and ask to make them all the time, which normally gives me a tip. When I sat down to read my book about witchcraft, but I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I normally didn't like to be touched, but I knew who it was. I dug into my back and gave Alice her copy of the notes.

"How do you know it's me?" she asked.

"You normally ask right about this time." I sighed and looked up from my book. She was a red head with a firey personality, but she means well.

"I never thought you keep an eye on those things." she smiled and sat in her seat right beside me.

"It keeps my mind busy," I answered as the bell rang for class to start. I knew that Luna was going to be late and I made sure her copy was on her desk. When she came in with the skirts too short to save her life and a smile that killed most of the boys. All but a few in the back. One was the boy from this morning and some of his friends. Luna means well, but there are times that she needs to cover her skin. Soon as she sat in her seat on the other side of me as class started with the role. I just went back into my book and waited for my name to be called.

After a while of waiting for class to end as I took notes about Hamlet and saw outside was clear. I knew that it was going to be freezing, but I learned to hold back the cold. It didn't take long for both Luna and Alice to see the bruise forming on my cheek.

"What happened Caro?" they asked at the same time.

"I didn't pay attention at my locker," I answered and went to finish my second pair of notes for the class.

"You sure?" Luna asked.

"Positive." I snapped under my breath and waited for the bell to ring. Went it did, I ran for my next class. It was the one I hated the most, gym class. I wasn't the type to be with everyone else on the field and that I lacked long shirts for it. So before I went inside and changed. I grabbed my bandages and covered my arms to keep my cuts from being shown, but I mostly put the short sleeve over my long sleeve for the day.

"I hate the gym." I groaned under my breath and walked into the locker room. Most of the girls were in their bras and underwear, but I just changed my jeans into sweats as my shirt placed over the one I was wearing. People thought I was weird and teased me about it, but I blocked it out as normal.

"Look at miss outcast." a voice said high pitched.

"What do you want Ruby." I sighed and was about to leave.

"Mr. Rockwell told you that you need to change into your shirt and not put one over." she snapped.

"I don't like showing skin," I replied and walked out. Not care if she told the teacher about it, but I know that points would be counted off. But when I got in there so see that everyone was sitting on the bleachers, waiting for the coach to show up. He knew that I wasn't like other students, but he seemed to hate me. Ar least we were lucky to have Mr. Low today. He coaches the football team with Rockwell, but he treated everyone equally.

"Good morning Caroline," Mr. Low smiled.

"Morning," I replied and sat down. He knew that I didn't like being around people that much, but loved to help others.

"You think you can get me a coffee from the cafeteria?" he asked, "Since I know that you don't like sports."

"Sure thing," I answered and headed out of the gym. I was glad to be out of there, but it wouldn't take me long for my freedom. When I got inside and made his coffee with cream and sugar, I saw something weird. I didn't put much to mind as the door to the basement was open. Maybe it was something with the breaker boxes or students making out. So I turned back to see everyone was set into different teams for dodgeball. I hated the game since I would get burses again. My mother already left many on me, but this just made it worst. But Mr. Low sat on a chair with another right beside him. It was weird, but when I got over there with his coffee in hand.

"I got your coffee sir," I spoke, but didn't smile one bit.

"Good," he replied, "I got you a chair to sit out and talk."

"Okay?" I questioned as I handed him a cup of coffee and sat down. Watching everyone hit each other with plastic balls and having a smile on their faces.

"You seemed tired lately." he spoked but didn't look away from the basketball court.

"Really?" I stuttered a bit.

"One of the boys told me that they don't see you eating in lunch, but working on homework." Mr. Low sighed as he drank from his cup, "You need to take care of yourself more. Keep this up and you'll end up passing out in the middle of something."

"I just been busy lately," I replied and breathed in and out to calm myself.

"Okay," he sighed, "but if you need anything. Just ask okay."

"Yes sir." I smiled and watched the others play for the rest of the class. But the one stood out to me from everyone. The boy from this morning was here as well, but his smile made me feel better for some reason. So I looked away and asked if I could change back into my clothes early. When I have gone into the lockers to see that my jeans were on the ground with a note. It was normal for them to rip them up, so I put them in my bag before reading the note.

'You shouldn't be here bitch! No one likes you here, so just go die in a ditch'

I didn't care about notes and stuff, but these words were filled with hate towards me. So it hit me a little and made me think about my life. My mother hates me and most of the school does too. Should the ending be here or should I keep going with this? But when I got up the stairs and I decided to throw it away. They are just words on paper, they can't force me to do things. I felt a bit down, but I should be fine by the next class.

"Mr. Low," I said in a calm manner.

"Can I go to the restroom?" I asked.

"Sure thing." he smiled and called everyone to change.

I walked out with my bag in hand, a part of me wanted to cry and hated that feeling. But went I got to the restroom and checked if anyone was there. Lucky that no one was going to be there for a while at least. Running into a stall and locking myself in was normal as I sat there with my bag in my lap. I took what was my way to feel something else than emotions, a razor blade. It was normal but felt like I haven't used it in so long. I placed it on my wrist, cutting my skin lightly as blood ran down my arm. It felt nice to feel something else than anything. Everything had to come to an end as I wrapped myself again. Feeling pain shoot up my arm was all I need to keep me up during the day.

I walked back to see everyone was talking to one another as I stood there in the corner, alone. But it ended with the boy from before talking to me again, this time determined to make me a friend.

"What do you want?" I said in a monotone voice.

"Thought you want to talk to someone." he smiled and leaned on the wall with me. I thought if I talk to him, he would get tired of me. It happened with everyone who wanted to be friends with me.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"You don't my name?" he said in a confused tone, "I thought you knew my name from the football team at this point."

"I normally don't care for names. I just do my job and go home." I sighed and waited for him to tell me his name.

"It's James Storm," he replied with a smile.

"Nice to meet you," I said and soon the bell rang for lunch. I normally sit by myself, since Alice and Luna hang out with their friends. But James had other plans and asked me to sit with him at lunch. I didn't want to be rude and took his offer as I followed him to his table. There were about six other people sitting there. So I felt out of place being there.

"Never thought you would do it James!" one boy laughed.

"What is he talking about?" I asked James and he didn't have a clue either.

"Your friends with the shyest girl in school." another boy replied.

"Am I really that sky?" I asked.

"You never talk to anyone but Luna and Alice," James replied.

"I trust them more than others." I sighed and sat down with them. They seemed nice and I even learned their names with their faces. There was Mark, Zach, Roy, Luke, Rick, and Matt and they were all from the football team. They treated me like I was one of their own as lunch pasted by, but soon the bell rang for our last two classes. I just wanted to sleep at this point, but it had to be from the lack of blood in my body. I could tell that it stopped, but it made me tired during chemisty and office aid. The feeling of being in a bed with no worries made me feel better, but I had to help the football team. So I went to the practice feild and waited for the team and coachs to show up.

I was cold and felt goose bumps on my skin, but they finally showed up with their helmets and pads. It was neat to watch them work, but James walked up to me with a smile. I didn't know why, but it made me feel a little weird.

"You should take this," he said as he tried to hand me his school hoodie.

"I'll be okay." I stuttered as a blush burned on my cheeks.

"Take it, I don't want you to get sick," he replied and forced me to keep it till pratice is over. I put it on and blushed. It smelt like him and I kinda liked it as I had the feeling of being safe in it. I was warm and it made me tired as I knew that Mr. Low could see from the side lines. He told me that I should sit down for a while and when I did. I fell asleep in an instant. My body felt like it needed it and made it better as I felt the world go away. Maybe I should take a day or two off to sleep in my own bed for once.