Cami gently removed the facial mask off her mouth, folded it and reached for her right pocket to thrust the mask in it. Her other hand wondered inside her other pocket as if tracing her hand with its contents. From her left pocket, she picked an ibuprofen, opened her palm with the medicine on it. She pulled her palm close to her eyes as if to inspect if she did have the right medicine on hand. Once satisfied, Cami popped the medicine and swallowed it. She then rushed to reach a bottled water from a table next to her and eased the pill down her throat.
Her head was pounding all night while she was completing her shift; her left shoulder felt heavier than the right. She was gently massaging her nape when she passed by a small mirror on their locker room. Her gaze locked at herself upon seeing the reflection in the mirror, obliging her to consciously brush her bob cut hair with her hands.
"Who are you?" Cami twitched her neck left and then right still staring at her own reflection, "Your patients even looked healthier than you do, honestly" she whispered to herself
She had been struggling with a bad hang over all night, nursing head aches and a heartburn, in between attending real patients at the hospital other than herself. For weeks, Cami has been nursing her own heart which has been crushed by a recent break up. Few months ago, she was all smiles while attending patients with terminal illnesses, or the hapless children with chronic diseases. Her sunny disposition had been known to be contagious it can actually light up not just the corridors of the hospital; but the darkness looming inside the hearts of the hopeless patients as well;
"Where is that nurse with a non-expiring smile?" asked one of the old man to another nurse;
"I want the nurse in a cute pony tail. Where is she?" asked the fat little girl in tantrums;
"She should drop her huge smile; that nurse in pink knitted sweater. It was obviously fake and was all for a show." claimed the old woman with dementia, "but she is still a doll to me" the old woman added with a warm smile
It was just last month when Cami received the news that her soon to be fiancé, cheated on her with a reformed hooker. The woman who once have a notorious reputation for her promiscuity, was then on her third day of becoming a Christian; when she, Cami and her then ex-boyfriend met at the church. They were constantly sitting next to each other during masses, even exchanging pleasantries at the start of the mass; and imparting good wishes upon the mass conclusion. Unaware that the woman seated next to her then boyfriend would be the same woman who would steal him from her.
Cami adjusted the collar of her uniform while still staring at her reflection, inspecting every flaws on her face. Eye bags, pimple marks recently healed on her forehead and her pale cheeks which has started to resurface from tons of concealer and blush on she had applied early on. When she caught her own stare in the mirror, then came the memory back from the night when she and her ex-boyfriend broke up;
It was such a cozy night at their favorite restaurant. She arrived few minutes late than the agreed time and he was already seated when Cami came in. She was still gasping for breaths when he took out a carton from under the table and laid it on the table;
"It is not what you think it is, Cami" he paused with a forced smile, "this is not an engagement ring!"
She held her breath for a minute before she took a glance at him, then glanced at the carton laid on the table and back at him. She released a deep sigh as she stabbed him with a scrutinizing gaze, the same look people do when trying to decipher the humor from a bad joke. The more she stared at him, the more she realized how serious he was;
"Of course I know that is not a ring, you idiot," Cami looked down at the carton, "that is a pregnancy test kit. Why do you have that?"
"It has been used actually!" he excitedly responded,
She leaned forward, closer to the table looking both confused and irritated;
"Are you kidding me?"
He pulled his chair closer to the table as well, and like an eager child he could not contain his excitement as he answered,
"I'll cut to the chase, Cami. I am having a baby," he smiled wildly, "But not with you, though"
"Oh my God, of course I'm not pregnant. I have not urinated in any pregnancy test kit in a while. And I think I would know if I am pregnant, more than anyone else" she shook her head and began to struggle for breath,
"Who is she? Whose urine was on that pregnancy kit?"
"You know her. You just chose to look the other way. Every Sunday during mass, you know, the woman sitting beside me. I am having a baby with her" he stuttered
"That hooker?" she yelled.
Her raised voice suddenly caught the attention of the other guests,
"What do you mean I chose to look the other way?" she continued
"Maybe deep down you knew it but you just ignored. That we were in love with each other" his eyes wide and glowing
"In love with each other? We met that bitch on a Sunday, exactly a month today. You were in love with her when you just knew her for few weeks? You were only seeing each other during masses every Sunday, exactly four Sundays ago" her voice was cracking
"I beg to disagree, Cami. We met again three days after we met her at the church. And don't call her a bitch cause she is now a reformed Christian. She maybe one in the past but that was before she met me." he was shaking his head gently
"What do you mean?" she grasped again for breath, "you met her on a Sunday and you fucked her on a Wednesday? Now she is pregnant after a month? That's being a reformed Christian to you?," Cami grabbed the hem of the table cloth struggling to control her temper
"Look, I know this is unfair to you Cami, But you knew how I wanted to start a family of my own, plus you were barely available, you work on night shifts. I apologize if we have hurt you" he reached out his right hand to her clutched right fist.
Cami stared at the chandeliered ceiling and fired yoga breaths. Slowly, she felt the air coming off her chest which made her feel calmer
"Just leave. Please" she took her hand away from his grasp and fixed her gaze at the carton on the table, "and take this filthy piece of trash off the table I was about to dine in"
"Oh no, Cami. The actual kit isn't there. It was with Ruby and we planned to have that as a souvenir" he enthusiastically responded
She rolled her eyes out of frustration as if that was the only thing she could at that moment;
"Just leave, alright?"
Cami watched her ex-boyfriend exited through the door of their favorite restaurant as she tried to slowly take in what had just transpired. That was the last time she saw him, (except for the time he asked to have his skateboard back, and the time he casually asked if she liked to be a God-mother to his and Ruby's baby which of course she said no to; and just last Sunday at the mass when he came in with the obviously pregnant Ruby) She felt her throat dry, her whole body was numb and her hands were trembling. She reached for the untouched bottle of wine on her table because she felt like there was no better way to console her predicament than a glass of wine; she was too upset that night she downed the whole bottle alone
"She even had a name, huh?" she whispered to her own reflection in the mirror on the nurses' locker room, "Rubies are supposed to be precious!".
The following days, Cami was caught in a whirlpool of emotions dealing with the break-up. She went from 'Faking it Til You Make it' fine that the asshole did not end up as her husband or else she would have been too miserable with their marriage. She kept repeating to herself how special she was and that she deserved nothing but good things in life; Then to 'I will change anything for you, just get back with me' phase with thoughts in her head by playing out different scenarios on how she could win him back from that reformed hooker; to a total train wreck and locked herself in a pity party she even detached herself from the real world and from everyone she knows. She totally blocked phone calls, messages and logged-off all her social media accounts for one whole day! Then she was back again to socializing the day that followed.
As in every other girls who had bad break-ups, Cami one day decided to cut her hair short; bid farewell to her tresses and her signature phony pony tail! It was as if every hair cut from her head that fell on the floor corresponded to the pain that she was cutting herself from. Every split ends, frizz and dull hair that she allowed to be cut away would give way to revitalized new hair strands, like those bad memories she finally decided to throw away would give way to new and shiny memories. She felt so empowered being surrounded by fallen hair as if she was a victor looking over her defeated demons of jealousy, insecurity and a demon particularly named Ruby.
The moment came when the hairdresser finished doing her hair and finally turned the reclining chair around for Cami to see her new look. It was a bob cut, with full bangs on, it was different from what she was used to, and it was short! That what was her first reaction actually upon seeing her new haircut that it was too freaking short. She panicked she even considered to pick up those strand of hair scattered on the floor and glue them back on. It had only been couple of seconds that passed and she already wanted to go back to the way she looked before. She always had long tresses which she always tie in a ponytail; people loved her in a ponytail, she was recognizable that way. She was so uncomfortable with her new look that she wanted to lash out at the hairdresser, to ask the manager to fire him or ask for a compensation. Then use the money out of the settlement to buy her a wig which she will then tie in a ponytail.
But then she realized she wanted change. She took air in and out to calm herself. She looked at her own reflection and try to find things to appreciate with her new hair. She needed to find at least three of them so she wandered her eyes at her own reflection. First, she acknowledged how short it actually was, and with a haircut as short as hers, it would be easier for her to groom it. It was pretty straightforward, just let it dry by itself, no need for a blower and that will be it. Short and simple. Second, she noticed how her face seemed to be much visible, her chin and jawline was specifically highlighted without a need to contain her hair tightly in a tie, so pony tail no more! And lastly, she realized how light she felt with her new hair since most of her nape are now bare she could feel the chilling atmosphere of the salon biting it. That was when she finally accepted her new look, she even felt proud of herself for braving the drastic change she put herself in. She felt so uplifted she even asked for the manager to commend her hairdresser;
"Oh hey there, Dora. You ready for some exploring, Sweetie?" the transgender manager greeted her trying to make a connection with her upon approaching the manager station
Then Cami was upset again.