Cami and the man with the blank stare left the corridors and descended one floor down. At a right turn from the stairs, the two reached the pantry.
It was a small window-less room at the end of the corridors, its white painted walls were almost covered with health care-related posters, a bulletin board with several announcements and a gray round wall clock which stated that it was already thirty six minutes past five in the morning.
Cami slothfully pulled a chair from being tucked under a coffee table with glass top. She smiled nervously as she watched Loren pulled another chair away which created a sudden scratching sound;
"See, it was just one floor down, a right turn from the stairs, and we're here, at the pantry!"
Loren has already settled on his chair as Cami shrugged her shoulders off as if to get her point across before settling on her own chair
The pantry had several coffee tables arranged orderly with three tables already occupied. At the far end, near the water dispenser and the sink there settled a middle-aged woman clutching on a Styrofoam cup of coffee. The table near the doorway was occupied by an old couple. The old woman was busy scrutinizing some papers on the table while her husband was deeply asleep with his back resting on the chair
.
"Do you want some coffee?" Cami enquired breaking the silence
The man with a blank stare took a few seconds to realize that it was him that the nurse was enquiring at as he was busy staring at the old couple near the door way;
"I'm good," he claimed, "How about you?" he enquired back now staring at the nurse
Cami shook her head forcefully to disagree and raised her right hand;
"I am also good, honestly. Besides, I am out of shift, I might find it hard to fall asleep at home once those caffeine kick in" she claimed as she let out a forced chuckle
Cami caught him staring at the other people in the pantry again, this time his gaze was fixed at the middle-aged woman sitting on the coffee table near the kitchenette. Her gaze followed where his was at and watched the woman blew the heat off her coffee. The two of them took time to watch the woman still blowing on the Styrofoam cup and sip from it after
"Whoever she came here with might need to spend more days in this hospital. He or she might be in the ICU or undergoing an operation maybe; a major surgery if I may add," Cami calmly exclaimed
Loren retrieved his gaze from the woman then brought them to Cami and then back to the woman again. This time he seemed to be studying what the nurse might have been seeing in the woman which he could have been missing
Cami immediately noticed Loren's confusion as she let out another forced chuckle;
"The coffee," she claimed while smiling, "She needed caffeine to keep her awake while waiting for results,"
The middle-aged woman stood up and walked towards the coffee vending machine, she placed her cup under the vending tube and chose the appropriate variety of coffee for her
Loren looked back at Cami upon watching the woman filling her cup of coffee again, his gaze was welcomed by Cami's stare along with a silent giggle as if to affirm that she was right. Loren nodded as if to convey his acknowledgment of her affirmation
"Those couple," Cami pursed her lips together to point towards the coffee table near the doorway, "Whoever they came here with might already be for discharge"
Loren swiftly turned his head towards the old couple. He watched them longer before he looked back at Cami and made a claim;
"The papers on the table that the old woman is looking at. Those hospital billls gave them away" he responded now staring at Cami
She smiled in return and shrugged off her shoulders once again, with her pursed lips she lead his gaze back to the old couple;
"You could say that," she paused, "But for me it was him" she claimed while looking at the old man asleep on a chair beside his wife
"Because he was asleep. Is that it?" Loren sternly enquired
Cami nodded her head in agreement.
"Most family members of patients are deprived of sleep no matter how tired their body can get. No one can sleep easily due to the uncertainty of their loved ones surviving. And when they do, then the days that the family members did not sleep well would take its toll on them, they feel like they can then finally sleep peacefully" she halted claiming as she hugged herself with her arms;
"In nursing schools, we were taught to practice charting, drawing blood, administrating medication , physical assessments, among other things; but we never get proper training on how to support a family who has just lost a loved one or are under going an operation. We have our patients to care for yet their families also look to us for support" she continued as she watched the old woman placed a crumpled sweater under her husband's head to support it
Loren silently stared at her with his hands firmly clutched together
"It took me some years to be able to find the appropriate words to say to a grieving family member; to try to make a connection or to try to make them open up. In my experience, it has always been the time that they have spent with that loved one. People often share fond memories of their loved ones when they were still alive or well; and that was the leverage that I took advantage of to make them feel at ease with me and to eventually anticipate the help that they might possibly need" Cami finished in a somber tone
Loren looked back at the old couple before facing Cami again;
"He surely looked like he needed a place to lie down"
"Absolutely. Only this hospital does not have such luxury, unfortunately" she smiled awkwardly
"I bet that chair is a already a luxury to him" he responded
"How about you?" Cami interrupted
Loren looked away from the couple and gave Cami an inquiring look;
"What about me?"
"I might be off-duty right at this moment, but I am still a staff. It is still my job to look after your well being as a family member of one of our patients" she answered calmly
"I am good, like I said" he answered softly
"The man you came here with looked like he is in a lot of pain and it might be as equally painful for you to see him that way" Cami claimed
Loren released a sigh as he nodded slowly;
"Excruciating pain, actually. I can feel it too. The wounds he had all over his body, the shattered bones, the scratched skin, his head concussions; every bit of pain that he is currently in, I feel them"
Cami stared at him in bewilderment as if struggling to search for appropriate words to say to somehow show that she understands how he feels, only she actually does not. She can easily use empathetic yet empty phrases just for the sake of acknowledging his situation; but she acknowledges more the fact that she does not really know how to respond to him at that moment.
Maybe she was right about her claim that she was taught patient care in nursing school, but she was not trained to properly care for the patient's family members as well as how she cares for her patients. How could she have the courage to claim that she understands how he feels if she is not in the same situation that he is in? When in reality, people don't want her to pretend she understands their grievances because she does not, even if she has had a similar loss in the past; and she was certain that they will appreciate her honesty more about how unique and devastating their loss was. She took time to formulate the proper response to his claim but all those time spent contemplating were reduced to one random and canned response;
"I,.. uhm, am so sorry to hear that"
Loren just sat there staring blankly ahead the painted walls as if he fell deaf of Cami's response.
"Wait, you said you can feel his pain?" she interrupted
The man before her just looked at him silently
"Did you mean that, like literally?"
He still did not respond, instead, he just kept on staring at her with crossed brows as if adapting her confusion, taking a moment before he responded calmly;
"I did" he paused, "Because I am him"