She woke up in pain. She tried moving her legs but she cannot. Kapag bumabaling siya kahit anong direksyon, lalo lang siyang nasasaktan. Maybe, this is the consequence of her, not accepting the offer of Esaac last night, being stubborn indeed. She got into a minor motor accident. Pero kahit na ganoon, she is still in pain.
She tried raising her arm but she cannot. Tinignan niya ang relong nakasabit at doon niya nakitang alas tres palang. Alas tres ng umaga o hapon, wala siyang pakialam, basta ang inaalala niya ngayon ay ang kalagayan ng motor niya. She is crazy. Siya pa kasi ang bumili noon sa pamamagitan ng pag-iipon. She did it to have a vehicle that can bring her anywhere to escape.
Escaping from reality is her way to cope up. Hindi naman maiiwasan ng isang taong hanapin ang sarili niya. Ang mahalaganag bagay, mayroon magandang bunga ang pagtakas niya sa reyalidad ng buhay.
She tried thinking of how did she get here. Amoy na amoy niya ang gamot at wirdong amoy ng mga hospital. Nanatili siyang nakatingala dahil hindi pa niya maigalaw ang leeg. Hindi na niya alam kung paano siya uuwi ngayon. Hindi niya rin alam kung anong sasabihin ng daddy niya kapag nalaman niya ito. Sarkastiko siyang napangiti. Inaalala niya ang isang taong hindi naman makakaalala sa kaniya.
Ilang minuto rin siyang nakatingala at nag-iisip. Wala siyang magagawa at kasalanan niya iyon. Mabuti na lang at bumukas ang pinto at doon niya narinig ang doktor. Hindi na lang muna siya nagsalita nang marinig na may kausap ito. Sino? Yung yaya ba niya na palaging pinapadala ng daddy niya? Nagtulog-tulugan muna siya para hindi siya maka-istorbo.
"Yes Sir, you can bring her back home tomorrow, she needs to rest for a week. No extreme movements. Pwedeng maglakad, bawal tumakbo. If she wants to get well so soon, she needs to have a complete bed rest. Minor scars and sprain is what she has on her left leg because of the manner of her fall." Nilalakasan ni Charity ang loob niya habang nakikinig ng mga sinasabi ng doktor.
"Her left arm is also injured, hindi niya ito pwedeng gamitin. No carrying of heavy things. And most of all, no drunk driving again," paalala pa nito. Narinig niyang lumabas na ang doktor sa pinto. Naramdaman niya rin ang paglapit ng taong kausap ng doktor kanina.
"Charity, you should have listened to me, la mia amor," he said. Hinaplos nito ang buhok ni Charity at bahagya itong sinuklay. She knows it. It was Esaac.
Hindi niya alam kung bakit may kilig siyang nararamdaman sa ginagawa ng binata. It was not typical on her to get into somebody. She had never been in love. She never thought of falling for someone. She never even thought of getting married. She does not believe on marriage. She believes more on herself being alone. She really wants to live a life alone.
Kalokohan lang ang pagmamahal. This love can take people to fantasies but never reality because the reality behind this, love brings people to death. It is an enigmatic feeling towards somebody. Why love if you do not have a trust on your lover? How would you trust if your lover is a perfect example of being enigmatic? Ito lang naman ang kinakatakot niya. She is afraid of falling too hard. She is afraid of falling and forgetting others behind. Natatakot siyang magmahal ng iisang tao hanggang sa doon na lang umikot ang buhay niya. Natatakot siyang ibigay ang sarili niya hanggang sa wala nang matira sa kanya.
She felt his lips landed on her cheeks. Her heart stomped in no beat. This cannot be happening. Ngayon na lang ulit siya kinilig ng ganito sa parehong tao. He cannot be kissing her for real.
"What the?" she said as she opens her eyes. Nakita niya sa Esaac na dahan-dahan pang lumalayo sa kanya. Pareho silang nagulat. Esaac was shocked with Charity waking up and she is shocked with the kiss.
"Well, I am so sorry," he sincerely said. "I am sorry for the kiss and about last night."
She heavily sighed. "So why are you here?" she asked. "Bakit ikaw ang nandito?"
"I followed you after you went on your own."
Napatigil siya sa pgatatampo at biglang lumambot ang puso. She never hoped for him to make her feel like this. She just thought of him as the disgusting stupid in the university who never fails to make her annoyed. But now, she is getting into him more and more. Hindi na niya mapigilan ang sarili sa pagkahumaling kay Esaac. Impossible in her case but her heart is already melted.
"Naisip ko lang na mag-sorry sayo kagabi so I followed you. In no minute, I saw you lying on the street so I immediately called the ambulance to safely rush you here." Note the safely. Iyong mga salita ni Esaac ang lalong nagpapalambot ng puso niya.
"I have not called your father because he cannot be reached. I thought of going to your house but I also mind that you have no one here to be with so I asked my mom to inform your parents about this."
"They are not home. My father is with that whore while my mother already died years ago," she told him. Halos mapanganga si Esaac sa mga narinig mula kay Charity. He never knew about it.
"That is why you are walling up?"
"Putting up that topic again seriously?" She just smirked.
"You admitted it last night." Hindi na lang umimik si Charity sa narinig. "You know, Charity, you could have more friends if you stop building up your walls. I mean, you could protect yourself from anything but be open to people who wants to get in."
"I am not into admitting things, Esaac." she said. "Ayaw ko lang na maging bukas ang buhay ko sa ibang tao. But the fact that you had the guts to talk to me and befriend me makes me think that you could come in to my boundaries."
Napadilat nang bigla si Ez sa narinig. "Wait. Did you just say, I mean, do you think of being friends with me, if I understand it right?"
"No," sabi niya. "Hindi pa sapat iyong mga sinabi ko para maging tunay kitang kaibigan. Tandaan mo, hindi ako isang tipikal na taong madaling makipagkaibigan. My life is a mess that is why I do not want people getting into my life because I know, they will all go away after sometime.
Not to judge you, Esaac, pero lalaki ka. Alam ko kung paano tumakbo ang mga isip niyo. I may speak stereotypical but it is true. You boys kept on coming and going after everything. I mean, friendship is what you want but your gestures says the opposite. Ang sinasabi ko lang, maybe it is not the right time to befriend me, Esaac. After all, I enjoy company but you lied."
Napatayo at napalayo siya mula kay Charity matapos marinig iyon. She seems to be over protecting herself from guys, or from everyone. Gusto niyang kaibiganin si Jacob but the fact that he is also Esaac, makes her refuse to befriend him.
"I will be who you want me to be." Napabuntong-hininga na lang si Charity sa mga salita ng binata. "Kaya kong maging isang katauhang gusto mo Charity. I just want to make you happy and feel the satisfaction."
Satisfaction. Maybe the satisfaction that he is taking about is for her to have someone to talk to. Siguro ang sinasabi nito, gusto niyang ibigay kay Charity ang kailangan niya. After all, ngayon lang siya nakakita ng isang lalaking pasok sa standards niya – musician, plays the songs of her favorite band – but stupid. Ito lang naman ang mga gusto niya sa isang kaibigan. Isang kaibigan.
"I do not want you to change yourself for us to fit in. I can find another friend, or none at all. Do not do this for myself para lang magkaroon ako ng fit in na kaibigan. Hindi ko kailangan ng iba, I can handle myself." She sounded so decided. Alam na niya ang gusto niya. She cannot coach herself to like something that she does not want at all.
"Charity, you know, I am doing this for myself," panimula niya. "Hindi ko ito ginagawa para sayo. This is for me. I may sound selfish but please, let me do what I want to. This may not be the first time of me being like this but the fact that this time, I am doing this for myself, for my own growth, please let me. Kailangan ko lang talaga. This is my preferred mission."
Napasinghap si Charity sa mga naririnig niya. Hanggang ngayon pala, wala pa ring taong gagawa ng pabor para sa kanya. Esaac will still befriend her for his own sake. Gusto niyang gumawa ng bagay na para sa sarili niya. This may help Charity to cope up with everything or to grow for herself but the fact that he is doing this not for her makes it more hurtful.
"You know what, you should not have told me that. Sana hindi mo na lang sinabi sa akin na hindi ako ang rason kung bakit gusto mo akong kaibiganin. You should have told me that you want to befriend me, period. Hindi iyong gusto mo akong kaibiganin para sa sarili mo.
Look Esaac, I look pitiful here. Parang kakaibiganin mo lang ako dahil satisfaction mo iyon. It was not my satisfaction hindi gaya ng sinabi mo. Kung wala rin namang taong tatanggap sa akin kung sino ako nang walang pagpapanggap, thanks, but no thanks Mr. de Sevilla. I would better remain unfriended by everyone than to befriend someone who just want a friendship in selfishness."
Nanatiling nakatitig si Esaac kay Charity. Nakaawang pa rin ang mga labi nito nang hindi makapaniwala sa mga sinabi ng dalaga. She thinks that he wants the friendship of her for his own benefit. Gusto lang naman si Esaac na maging kaibigan si Charity dahil naaalala niya rito si Enie, ang kaisa-isa niyang tunay na kaibigang babae. Though hindi lang ito ang dahilan. He also wants to befriend her to further explore her walled world.
"I want to be your friend Charity." Nothing less but maybe more. Ito ang mga salitang gusto pa niyang sabihin sa dalaga. Hindi niya alam kung bakit naiisip niya ang mga salitang ito pero ang katotohanang hindi pa rin niya alam kung bakit gusto niya talagang kaibigannin ang dalaga ay mas nagpapakumplika ng lahat.
"Nope Esaac, I cannot meet your standards." Napasabunot na lang si Esaac sa kaniyang buhok nang marinig ang mga salita nito. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang itinuturing niyang standards.
"Standards on what, Charity?"
Bumaling si Charity sa direksyong hindi niya nakikita si Esaac. Ayaw na niyang pahabain ang pag-uusap nila, una dahil hindi niya gusto ang pagsasalita. Pangalawa, baka may masabi pa siyng hindi maganda tungkol sa pag-uusap nila. Pangatlo, napapagod na siyang mag-isip ng mga isasagot dito.
Ilang minuto ang lumipas at patuloy pa rin siyang nakatingin sa kawalan. She might have had a frozen heart but she also has this feverish mind. This time, utak na niya ang nagsasabing kaibiganin na niya si Esaac. Hindi siya naaawa rito. Hindi rin niya iniisip ang kapakanan nito. She just thinks of it as her benefit. Gusto niya na ring magkaroon ng kaibigan. Yung totoong kaibigan, kahit na sinabi rin ni Esaac na gagawin niya ito para sa sarili niyang kapakanan.
"Come to Club Lavine if you have decided to get along with me again," sabi ni Esaac. Kasunod ng mga salitang ito ang pagkalabog ng pinto na tanda ng paglabas ng binata.
Gaya ng pagkalabog ng pinto, sumabay ditto ang pagkalabog ng puso niya. Her heart stomped and almost willing to come out of her chest just to follow him. I mean, gusto niyang magpasalamat kay Esaac para sa mga nagawa nito para sa kanya, sa pagkaligtas niya sa aksidente.
Walang anu-ano, agad niyang tinanggal ang pagkakakabit ng suwero sa katawan niya. She tried standing on her own feet even after the accident that she had experienced last night. Gusto niyang habulin si Esaac para makapagsorry. Hindi ito ang tipikal na siya pero ito ang gusto niyang gawin.
She took no minute to grab the knob and open the door. Hindi na niya inisip kung masasaktan man siya sa ginagawa niya basta ang alam niya, she wants to say sorry to him. Pagkalabas niya ay bumangga siya sa isang taong nakahambalang sa harap niya. Muntikan na siyang matumba pero nasalo siya nito.
"Aw, f–" Wala pa mang segundo ang nakalipas ay bumalik na siya sa sarili. "Excuse me, I have to go out."
Pero hindi siya hinayaan nito na lumabas ng kaniyang kwarto. "Wait, Miss Locquias," anito. "Stay here." He seemed to be immovable.
"Nope, I have to say sorry to him." Nagpupumilit siyang lumabas ng kwarto pero ayaw nitong pumayag. Patuloy pa rin siyang hinaharang ng doktor hanggang sa malapit na siyang sumuko.
"Stay here for good, Miss Locquias. Jacob does not want you to get hurt." Agad na lumambot ang puso ng dalaga sa sinabi ng doktor. Hindi siya naniniwala sa mga sabi-sabi pero ikinatuwa ito ng puso niya.
"But I have to go, doc. Gusto ko sanang humingi ng tawad sa kanya. Please, let me."
"You still cannot. Hanggang hindi pa magaling ang mga sugat mo, hindi ka pwedeng magpumilit na gawin ang isang bagay na magpapalala ng sakit mo." Malaman ang mga sinabi ng doktor. She still cannot do it. It may not have been a big deal to cry over that small trust but the fact na nagtiwala siya kay Esaac, it makes her feel even worse.
"But I have to follow him-"
"Nope, my friend told me not to permit you to go out, unless you are completely healed." Friend? Ito ang tumatak sa isip niya. Ito ang isang bagay na hindi niya maibigay kay Esaac dahil sa trust issues niya. Natatakot na siyang magtiwala ulit matapos ang mga nangyari sa buhay niya.
She had been broken down by everything that she had put her trust on. Nagtiwala siya sa ama na hindi na ito muling maghahanap ng iba matapos mawala ng kanyang ina. In contrast, her father still searched for somebody to be with. Ito ang ayaw ni Charity. Nagtiwala siya rito na magiging kaniya lahat ng atensiyong dapat naman talaga sa kanya.
She cannot feel the love that she wishes to receive. Masyadong malayo ang ina niya para iparamdam ito. She might look so selfish but she deserves what she wants. Anak siya nito. Mas kadugo niya ang ama niya kaysa sa kinakasama nito ngayon. That is what she thinks. Pero naisip din niya, mas tanga pa ang matatanda kaysa sa mga bata sa ngalan ng pag-ibig.
"Healed? Matagal pa akong gagaling. I cannot stay here, so please, let me get out." Patuloy siyang nagpumilit na makalabas sa kwarto niya pero hindi talaga nagpatinag ang doktor.
"Jacob wants you to rest to get well and do whatever you want to do. So if you will excuse me, Miss Locquias, I will still fix your papers in your admission to this hospital. Therefore, huwag kang makulit."
Napasimangot si Charity sa mga sinabi ng doktor. Padabog siyang bumalik sa hospital bed niya at saka naman akmang lalabas ang doktor. "He is right, you are stubborn," anang doktor. Walang kibo naman siya sa muling pagsasalita nito. "Anyways, I have to go. I will just tell your nurse to get you back on your bed and fix your oxygen hose."
Hindi na niya binalikan ng tingin ang doktor. Humiga na lang siya sa kama at bumaling sa bintana. She cannot believe it but she is still cared by Esaac. After all of her refusing his befriending, nagawa pa rin nitong alagaan siya. Kakilala, ito lang siguro ang label na maibibigay niya kay Esaac. Because of her damn trust issues, patuloy siyang walang kaibigan sa mundong ito. She cannot easily give her trust to anyone especially she had experienced every rejection that she had receive.
Matapos ng magulong usapan nila ni Charity, agad naman niyang tinungo ang kwarto ng lolo niya. It was in the same hospital, kaya madali lang siyang nakapunta rito. Doubts invaded his mind. Nagkakaroon siya ng pagtatalo sa pagitan ng isip at puso. Sabi ng puso niya, he must befriend Charity with no beneficial cause or taking it for granted. On the other hand, his mind says befriend her for his own benefit, for love. His thought told him to befriend Charity to remove his trust issues on girls.
Sabi nga nila, de Sevilla membership are only for boys because girls make them fall in love and then easily turn their backs from them. Minsan, niloloko sila, minsan pinagpapalit, o madalas, pera lang ang habol sa kanila. If for money, in return, de Sevilla gets the children, which happens to be always male, to have their successors of wealth.
Ganoon na lang ang pagtataka ni Esaac sa sariling nararamdaman para kay Charity. This is how hard they can fall in love with girls. Maybe he had fallen for her. Gusto niya ito higit pa sa isang kaibigan.
He may have this trust issue but she breaks it with her simple smile. Bihira man, pero kapag ngumiti ang dalaga, his breath is already taken away. Maybe it is their curse, to fall hard until they bleed.