In my childhood, my elders told me that if I become a good person, good things would come to me.

.

HAHA..

..

Nice joke, fucking liars !!

...

I was a rare person in a city where many people lived and had a lot of events like usual. Or should I say that I was a little incompetent among so many people. I don't know why, but people didn't treat me well. Because of this, I made a distinction as "They and Me."

"Humans and Me!"

Although this definition didn't make my life easier, I can sincerely say that "I no longer have the bad feelings of being a Human.*

...

"Hey catch it, he's hidden in the corner!"

"Grabbed him, you go on."

"Look at the shape of his face. Isn't it even uglier than before?"

"Haha. Is that possible? He's an ugly creature. Who's was the last one?"

"My turn! Move aside."

Psghfft ... (They punch)

That's the nickname the girls in his school gave him. A long time ago, someone said and spread all over the school. This happened in a time when he thought other people would be polite and sensible. He almost believed that people could be nice to him if he was nice enough. He was trying to mix and get along with other people.

He tried, but ... you can imagine how far he succeeded.

"Creature"

The nickname the kids at school fabricated for him. Every time he heard the cursed and sticky name he just asked the same question.

"Why me!"

But there was no one to answer this question. So, after a couple of years in childhood, he had given up his hopes for divine bullshit. He was younger than 10 years old when he decided that there is no god.

"He wouldn't have been like this if there was a God, right?"

With a logic that is far above the atheist bullshit, he just ignored his religion or other stuff and decided to forget holy things above. After fully ignoring the Theology, there was nothing is his life apart from repeating the question. "Why me.."

Even if he hits his head against the walls and he is angry at everything, the unchanging truth was that life is not fair. Nobody can say the opposite. Especially someone who has seen him and his life.

"What? Did you say something? I couldn't hear. Say it again."

The young man wanted to take a moment's look up at the sky with his sad eyes in a short moment. At this moment school's bullies didn't hit his body. When he came up with a sentence from his mind, he ignored the punch in his stomach and stepped away. He shouted as looking up at the sky. Everyone on the street could hear it.

"Fuck you!"

That day, those children thought the insult was said to them and beat the poor child more than usual.

But the fact that this battered boy shouted for somebody else. He shouted at someone above that care for no one and nothing. Without exception.

...

Eren closed his eyes and stood still under the hot water. He closed his eyes under the boiling water-not to clean himself..but to forget everything! To forget his history, appearance, hair, family, the dreadful day he had, bruises on his body, everything..

Eren just wanted to forget about the fact that he was alone at home. Stubbornly or you would say- stupid ignorance but againts to life he hated, he touched his face with his hand. Touched his closed eyelids, his hair then his neck and slowly whispered the same thing. He whispered to his body, like speaking to himself. He was trying to make his body feel like it was alive or had feelings.

"You have no fault. You are the things forming me. I love you."

Yeah, it is strange but Eren had no bad feelings for his body. Even though he was suffering he never blamed his ownself. What if it's weak. What if he is short. What if he looks ugly and feel a little bad. It isn't a crime to be weak or sick! Who cares If you're breathing on each floor while climbing the stairs and vomiting most of the foods just after eating!

What if he was born like that?

Didn't his body deserve to be loved just like everyone elses'?

Couldn't he be loved?

When he knew the answer was a little heavy after what he experienced that day, Eren didn't answer the question while crying. Like every fucking time he was discriminated, he just cried, cried, and cried..

He was standing in the corner of the shower cabin. It was the only place he felt safe in the gruesome, cruel world. The one place nobody can get close him with bad intentions.

Like a personal safe heaven, Eren felt that crying at this place was unfair. Also he couldn't feel bad any more and souldn't disrespect his body. Eren turned towards the running water and tried to relax with the feeling of hot water coming into his face.

He decided to plan for the rest of his evening to forget what he had in mind. After a few seconds, Eren suddenly decided to make a simple pizza using the frozen items he had prepared earlier. In the rest of the evening, he would study first and then watch tv.

After closing the water, Eren looked at the steamed mirror in the small bathroom. He couldn't see himself but he swill wondered. Is this blurry thing in the mirror better than his real face?

Even if it was bent and odd, the silhouette was the most comfortable look and state of his image as a being. He watched the strange silhouette in the mirror for a while. After a little sigh, he wiped the mirror with his hand and started fixing his hair. Even though Eren possessed a body of worse standard, he still had his smart mind. So he waited the future with different hopes and ambiences.

A simple but happy life was waiting for Eren, like every other normal person in the Earth.

He had never been told that he had a different choice, and frankly, he had the confidence of youth as everyone else. He was looking forward to his turn in life and the times when he would be happy and not crushed. It started in the exact moment when he took his eyes off the mirro___

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Eren lost his inner voice he had during his whole life at once! All of his self, all his strength, all the consciousness, his weak voice; ALL the system that lets him stand in a regular shiny day! Every single fucking thing collapsed one by one.

It started with a momentary misfire in his heart and a sudden drop in his knees. The second second he already had nothing..

Eren hit the edge of the shower's edge and began to fall in the middle of the bathroom. Even in slow motion, he was aware of his fall. It was tiny, but he knew. Just he couldn't stop it. Eren felt desperation rather than pain.

He found himself in a position facing the ceiling of bathroom. Not even able to lift a single finger to protect his body from the falling.

It was a galling moment to experience. He couldn't even feel if his body was hurting or not.

He was silently on the ground hearing nothing except for his heartbeats. Even if It was painful to not able to control your trembling body, the strangest thing was to lose control of his tongue.

Just seconds after the start, he lost control of his eyelids. When his eyes closed, Eren couldn't even concentrate on the blackness he'd used to see. But he somehow knew he was about to lose consciousness.

Even though Eren wasn't quite sure, what kept his brain a little deliberate in those seconds was that his chest quickly went up and down. For a moment, things were coming back, and in another moment they were disappearing.

In parallel with the throwing of his heart....its like he sometimes felt a coldness in his body.. and a tiny piece in his body was trying to remind him of something. "Come on, come on, you just came home, your name is Eren, Ha! You were in the bathroom. Remember..! HOLD ON TO ME!!? ..!

(20:15) September 17, 2015! He had a heart attack in the evening in just a few seconds!

The young man named Eren, died alone in his house; without any friends, without really laughing and even without feeling that he was ever loved..

...