The sky was painted in shades of pink and orange as the sun sank over Comino's Blue Lagoon. Amma's feet hung over the glistening sea as she perched on the edge of a tiny boat. Her thinking was anything but quiet, even though the soft swaying of the waves should have been calming.
Sitting next to her, Alex served as a reassuring yet unnerving reminder of the past. They had spent the day touring the island and thinking back on their early years and their former friendship. However, there was an unsaid tension behind their shared memories and laughter—a question none of them feared to express.
"Do you recall when we camped here in the summer?" The silence was broken by Alex's words. "We talked about our dreams and watched the stars all night long."
Amma grinned as nostalgia tore at her heart. "I recall. I told you I would never leave Malta, but you claimed you wanted to see the globe.
Alex laughed. And now take a peek at us. All I want is to return home, even though I've been everywhere. And you're about to get married to someone who doesn't even know who you really are.
Amma's chest constricted as her smile dimmed. "Alex, don't."
"Don't what?" he said in a quiet but firm voice. "Don't be honest with you? Don't you remember what we had? What might we still possess?
She averted her gaze, tears stinging her eyes. "It's not that easy. I promised Jones that. To my family.
With a shudder running down her spine, Alex grabbed for her hand. "You deserve to be happy, Amma. You are worthy of a partner that appreciates you for who you are, not for what you can provide.
His remarks confirmed what she had been too scared to say. However, the burden of her obligations and the life she had committed to seemed like a chain around her heart.
Her voice broke as she murmured, "I don't know what to do."
Alex drew in closer, with his breath warm against her face. "Then allow me to assist you. Allow me to demonstrate what love should feel like.
His lips touched hers tentatively and softly before she could reply. Amma briefly forgot about the engagement, the guilt, and the expectations. She just experienced the familiarity of his hug and the warmth of his touch. But as the kiss grew more intense, realisation set in.
Her heart thumping, she withdrew. "I can't, Alex. Jones is not treated fairly by this. To you. To me.
Alex had frustration and longing in his eyes. "You cannot continue to live for other people, Amma. What do you want?
She had nothing to say. She was only aware that her heart was broken and that someone would be harmed regardless of her decision.
—-
Amma found herself in the quiet city of Mdina the following day. The stone walls were steeped in history, and the ancient streets were peaceful. In an attempt to gain some understanding, she had accepted Jones' suggestion that they spend the day together.
Their footsteps reverberated in the little lanes as they moved side by side. With his hands in his pockets, Jones remained silent. Amma looked at him in an attempt to find the connection she so much desired.
The stillness was ultimately broken by Jones saying, "You've been distant." "What's wrong?"
Amma paused, her thoughts whirling. "I have simply been pondering."
"About what?" he asked, his tone sharp.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to be honest. "about us. Regarding if I truly want this.
Jones turned to her and stopped moving. He had a flare of rage in his eyes, but his face was inscrutable. "Are you changing your mind?"
Amma's heart pounded. "I'm not sure. I simply think I'm becoming less of myself. like if I'm attempting to pass for someone I'm not.
Jones's mouth clenched. "Marriage is about making concessions, Amma. about creating a life with each other. You must let me know right away if you're not prepared for it.
Amma recoiled as his words felt like a slap. "Jones, I'm trying. However, it's not simple.
With a groan, he combed through his hair. "Amma, I don't have time for games. Maybe we should rethink this if you're not dedicated to it.
Panic squeezed Amma's chest. "I didn't mean—" said Jones.
"Save it," he cut in, his tone icy. "I require a companion who is really committed. Not someone with a strong attachment to the past.
She stood alone in the peaceful city as he turned and left before she could reply. As the gravity of his words set in, tears welled up in her eyes. She had been making a lot of effort to act morally and to win over everyone, but all she had accomplished was to cause harm to those she loved.
—--
Amma was sitting with her sketchpad on her lap on the balcony of her family's townhouse that evening. Valletta was illuminated by a silvery radiance as the moon hung low in the sky. With a flurry of emotions racing through her head, she gazed at the blank paper.
She looked at the screen as her phone buzzed. Alex had left a message.
Alex: If you need to talk, I'm available.
She composed a response while tears streamed down her face.
Amma: Alex, I'm at a loss for what to do. I feel as though I'm about to drown.
He answered in a flash.
Alex: Then allow me to assist you. Allow me to serve as your anchor.
His remarks were so true that they made Amma's heart hurt. However, she felt guilty about hurting Jones and disappointing her family. She had to choose between two lives and two hearts, and whichever she did, someone would suffer.
She picked up her charcoal pencil and put her phone down. She drew clumsy, disorganised lines that reflected her inner distress. However, as the picture came to life, she recognised that it was a painting of herself sandwiched between two figures. Jones was the first, his face hard and unforgiving. The other was Alex, with hope and warmth in his eyes.
Amma's heart was sad as she gazed at the drawing. Her life would be defined by the decision she made at this juncture. She still didn't have any answers, though, as the night wore on. She only knew that love came at a greater cost than she had ever anticipated.