We sat together on one of the many black benches neatly organized across Farm 365, one of the countless training grounds inside the first level of the Citadel. The nearby area was a vast synthetic grass plain that seemed to stretch endlessly, with nothing but the familiar three black buildings of each training ground punctuating the landscape. Above, light rains down from a source that can't be seen through thick white mist.
I shake the plastic pouch of food given to me by Master 337 before carefully tearing it open. Like always, a soupy, brownish stew burbled inside sloshing against the sides. I gently blow on it and put the edge of the ripped bag to my mouth, tipping it upwards to allow the lukewarm sludge to slide down my throat.
The stew tasted of nothing in particular—just nutrition, sustenance without satisfaction, another slogan we live by.
"Can you guys believe it? After eighteen years, Deployment Day is just around the corner." Eight spoke softly, lightly grinning with excitement.
Deployment Day. After eighteen years of being prepared and trained, we would finally discover where we'd spend the rest of eternity. Once deployed, chances were we'd never see anyone from our training days again. The thought of deployment, usually bringing a feeling of pride and excitement to our classmates, leaves my stomach feeling as if it were trying to escape my body.
Eight, seeming to have read the drop in mood, changed the topic.
"Where do you guys hope to get deployed?" she asked, matter of factly.
Leaner dropped his now empty food container to his side, leaning back and stretching his arms. "I don't really care, but I'd rather not get put on the Keepers. It's too much work, you know."
Eight giggled. "You're too lazy for your own good, Leaner."
He sighed and rolled his eyes before shifting his attention to me.
"So what about you, Teller?" he asked while yawning
Before I knew it, Eight's and Leaner's gazes landed on me.
"I don't know," I began hesitantly. "I'd rather not get stuck in one of the sub-sections of the Library for eternity." I paused to gather my thoughts before continuing, "If had to pick, I guess I'd say the Keepers."
Eight's eyes widened in surprise, and Leaner squinted before he let out a ridiculous laugh, nearly sending him backwards off the bench.
"keepers?" Leaner sputtered. "You get your ass kicked in combat training every single day! Did you forget what just happened with Vance?"
"It's not like any of us do any better Leaner, Vance is in a class of his own" Eight chimed in.
Vance always had it out for me, I was always the only who put up even half a fight against him. I try not to let his mockery get the best of me. I tried to ignore my thoughts and leaned my head onto my propped-up fist while peering across the field, focusing on the distant black dots of other farms.
"You would probably do better if you tried a bit harder," Eight said softly. "But you always hold back in everything you do. You never give anything one hundred percent effort... you just give enough to get by."
Eight's words, compassionate and genuine, hit harder than anything Leaner ever said.
"What's the point in going above and beyond?" I muttered, "They don't give you any extra perks or praise for doing so. So what's the point?"
Eight sighed, patting me on the back as she spoke. "You can do it for yourself. Don't you feel like you owe it to yourself to do your best? Don't you feel like you owe it to the High Council?"
Her words held weight, but not weight I wished to carry.
I ignored the question and went to finish my food. Before long, Master 337's voice cut through the noise, signaling the end of ration time.
Everyone got up simultaneously; our movements synchronized after years of conditioning, like a well-oiled machine. Before I knew it, we began to fall into two large single-file lines that followed Master 337 back to the barracks. She opened the doors upon our arrival, and we entered the thin, long building filled with rows of beds stacked to the ceiling. On the left and right—white mattresses with white sheets tucked meticulously within black frames.
We walked until both lines were inside, then turned inwards, awaiting the Master's words.
"You may sleep," her words rang out, momentarily hanging in the air.
Like cogs, we all turned and walked toward our designated spots. We stripped from our uniforms into our underwear and laid them folded at the front of our beds. I laid down on my mattress, staring up at the featureless ceiling. Master 337 waited for us all to enter bed, then turned around and exited the building, leaving the lights on.
As I lay under the lights, I put on my night mask. Now in the dark, I could hear the breathing of dozens of my classmates. On my right, I could make out Leaner's familiar snore. On my left, across the walkway, I knew Eight would be lying awake too, perhaps thinking about deployment, about our uncertain futures.
Trust without question, obey without doubt, look do not see—the mantra we had been taught since we could understand words. I repeat those same words to myself, slowly lulling myself to sleep.
In just a few days, everything would change. Would I ever see Leaner's mischievous grin again? Would I ever hear Eight's thought-provoking questions?
As sleep began to claim me, these thoughts circled my mind until the darkness of sleep silenced them.