"Uh-oh ..." said Fishlegs.
This was most definitely NOT a Peaceable fishing boat.
It was, in fact, a sizable Roman ship, seventy meters long from stern to prow.
The sails were pure white, and high above, when Hiccup craned his neck, he could see the Roman flag of the Imperial Eagle flapping cheerily in the wind.
The boat was crammed with what looked like an entire legion of Roman soldiers, who were now looking at Fishlegs with astonishment and fury.
There was a gigantic iron cage set near the mast of the boat.
An enormous number and variety of dragon species were being held prisoner behind the bars of this cage. Deadly Nadders, Flying 'Gators, Big Spotted Gormlesses, Yellow Vampires, Common or Gardens -- you name it, they were all there, trapped together in a furious tangle of talons and wings and fangs, ready 45 to be sent back to the restaurants and shoemakers in Rome.
"Oh, for Thor's sake," whispered Hiccup. "Roman Dragon rustlers. I do not believe this ..."
'Ah ..." said Fishlegs with a nervous smile, backing toward the edge of the boat, "I seem to have made some sort of mistake. This is the wrong boat, you see ..." He tried to laugh in an airy fashion. "So sorry to disturb ... Carry on with what you were doing, why don't you ..."
The nearest soldier, who was a six-feet-five centurion with legs like tree trunks, drew his sword with a nasty flourish.
"And where do you think you're going?" he asked Fishlegs in Latin.* He put out a big hand to grab Fishlegs, and Fishlegs ducked under his arm in the nick of time.
"GET HIM!" yelled the big centurion, and six or seven more soldiers made a leap toward Fishlegs.
* Latin was the language spoken by the Ancient Romans. Most Vikings did not understand this language, but Hiccup had been secretly taught a little Latin by his grandfather, Old Wrinkly. "Might come in useful," Old Wrinkly had said.
(As indeed it did, on occasions too numerous to mention.) 46 Now, if Hiccup had been a traditional Hooligan Hero, he would have drawn his sword, Endeavor, and launched himself over the side to the aid of his friend, shouting the Hooligan War Cry at the top of his voice.
[Image: Pirates.] But then if Hiccup had been a traditional Hooligan Hero, he would have been dead as a kipper 47 several books ago. A noble kipper, perhaps, a gloriously brave kipper; but, nonetheless, a very, very dead kipper.
Instead, Hiccup sneaked over the edge of the boat as quietly as he could. As soft as a ghost, he hid behind a couple of jars of olive oil beside a bit of the deck that was covered by a large tent.
In the meantime, Fishlegs was being chased by the Roman soldiers. The chase didn't last long. Fishlegs ducked and dodged as best he could but finally ran into the stomach of a gigantic centurion, who picked him clear off the ground.
"Look who we have here ..." bellowed the centurion, as Fishlegs kicked his legs like a stranded beetle. "A scary little Viking trying to attack us all on his own ..."
"Har har har!" The other three hundred and forty-nine soldiers thought this was very funny.
"This is all a big mistake," wailed Fishlegs, scratching himself violently as his eczema started coming out with the anxiety of the moment. "Please let me go ..."
"Let's take you to the Boss, little barbarian, " said the centurion. He carried Fishlegs over to the tent where Hiccup was hiding.
48 Hiccup peered out from behind his jar. Gently he drew back the curtain so he could see what was happening.
Bright red in the face and trembling and itching, Fishlegs was brought before two richly dressed men reclining under the tent just a meter away from where Hiccup was crouching.
One of these men was very, very fat. So fat that parts of his stomach were dripping over the edge of his couch and were being held up by a small slave. The other man was thin and wearing a fancy helmet with a gigantic plume and a face guard that covered his eyes.
[Image: The fat consul.] 49 The Fat Roman was eating nanodragons in honey from a plate on a low table in front of him. Nanodragons were a tiny species of dragon as numerous as insects. They were about the size of locusts. The poor creatures were still alive and were wriggling but unable to escape from the honey that gummed up their wings. Hiccup could hear their pathetic cries for help as the fat fingers picked them up and gobbled them down.
[Image: The thin prefect.] The Fat Roman was difficult to understand because he was talking with his mouth full.
"By Jupiter, Prefect," drawled the Fat Roman through a big helping of nanodragon. "I do believe we 50 have been attacked by a teeny-weeny little barbarian..."
"So we have, Consul," replied the Thin Prefect. "I recognize this one. He is a member of one of the local Tribes I was telling you about. I'm worried that these Tribes might object to OUR FIENDISHLY CLEVER PLAN."
"Oh yes, remind me what is our Fiendishly Clever Plan again?" asked the Fat Consul.
"One, disguise ourselves cunningly as Hooligans and kidnap the heir to the Brutish Bog-Burglars..."
"Marvelous," spluttered the Fat Consul.
"Two," said the Thin Prefect evilly, "disguise ourselves cunningly as Bog-Burglars and kidnap the heir to the Hairy Hooligans ..."
"You're a genius," gurgled the Fat Consul.
"Three, the Bog-Burglars and the Hooligans are so busy fighting each other, they do not notice us STEALING EVERY SINGLE DRAGON IN THE INNER ISLES!"
"Bravo!" shouted the Fat Consul.
Hiccup would have loved to hang around and discover more about the plan.
But he had important 51 The Romans Fiendishly Clever Plan I The Romans disguise themselves cunningly as HOOLIGANS and kidnap the Heir to the BRUTISH BOG-BURGLARS...
II The Romans disguise themselves cunningly as BOG-BURGLARS and kidnap the Heir to the HAIRY HOOLIGANS...
III The BOG-BURGLARS and the HOOLIGANS are so busy fighting EACH OTHER they do not notice the Romans...stealing EVERY SINGLE DRAGON IN THE WHOLE OF THE INNER ISLBS!!!
Her her her her her (evil laughter) 52 work to do. He had to get Fishlegs and himself off this ship alive.
Luckily, although everyday life as a Viking was a big struggle for Hiccup, he always came into his own in a crisis. And this sure was a crisis.
Hiccup quickly summed up the problem. On the other side: three hundred and fifty of Imperial Rome's finest soldiers armed with javelins, swords, spears, arrows, entrenching tools, etc., etc., etc. On his side: two scrawny Vikings and two small dragons, one on strike and one in a coma.
Yup, it was a crisis.
Hiccup's eye was caught by a tiny Electric-squirm clinging to the edge of the curtain. He looked from the Electricsquirm back to the cage of dragons. All that talk about distracting had given him an idea.
Perhaps he could use the Electricsquirm to distract the Romans' attention so that he could tiptoe up and open that cage of dragons. The dragons would rush out and attack everybody, and in the confusion, Hiccup could rescue Fishlegs...
Hiccup got out his handkerchief, wrapped it 53 VIKING DRAGONS AND THEIR EGGS The ELECTRICSQUIRM This nanodragon is not aggressive, but it gives a truly terrible (although not fatal) electric shock when touched. Like their close cousins the Glow-worms, these creatures can he used as a source of light if no flame or candle is available.
STATISTICS COLORS: Transparent SIZE: Very small POISON: None.....0 RADAR: None.....0 ARMED WITH: Electricity...8 DEFENSE: Electricity....8 SPEED: Quite nippy.....5 FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Harmless if picked up by tail.... 5 [Image: Horny tail does not conduct electricity.] 54 around his hand and picked up the Electricsquirm very, very carefully by the tail.
As its name suggests, the Electricsquirm gives a truly terrible electric shock if you touch it in the wrong place. The tail is fine, because it is made of some sort of horny material that does not conduct electricity. But every other part of its body is likely to electrocute you.
Hiccup dropped to his hands and knees and softly pushed aside the curtains of the canopy.
The Thin Prefect and the Fat Consul were still deep in conversation.
The Fat Consul had nearly finished his nanodragons-in-honey. There was only one nanodragon left on the plate, struggling to escape. No one was looking at it;
the two men were far too busy talking.
Hiccup crawled forward, reached up and removed the nanodragon, putting it in his pocket. At least he had saved one of the poor creatures. He replaced the nanodragon with the Electricsquirm, which was almost exactly the same size.
Hiccup then crept away toward the cage of dragons.
Still talking, the Fat Consul reached out with one fat hand to grab another portion of nanodragon. His 55 56 porky fingers scrabbled around in the honey for the final juicy morsel... and closed around the stomach of the Electricsquirm.
All thirty-eight stone of the Fat Consul soared quite one meter in the air.
His hair stuck up and out like a hedgehog, sparks flew out of his ears and his great blubbering mounds of flesh lit up with a strange blue light and quivered and shivered and wobbled and jiggled hysterically like a truly gigantic pink jelly that has been struck by lightning.
A few seconds later he fell to earth again. His toga turned to ashes around him and the vast flabby acres of his enormous stomach went on wobbling for the next ten minutes.
While everybody's attention was being drawn to the Fat Consul doing a one-man impression of the northern lights, Hiccup quietly lifted the wooden bar of the dragons' cage.
The next moment there was pandemonium aboard the deck of the Roman ship as the dragons poured out in a furious, shrieking, snapping and flaming river of beaks and wings and talons and tails, 57 attacking the Romans, setting fire to the sails and causing no end of damage.
The Thin Prefect climbed on top of his couch in order to have a better view of what was happening.
"Hiccup!" he said to himself under his breath. "This is the work of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third or I am a freshwater crayfish -- which I'm not of course. Well, I'll flush you out of your hiding place, my fine fellow, you see if I don't... CENTURION!"
This command was directed at the Roman soldier who was still holding Fishlegs upside down by his left ankle.
'Trepare to execute the prisoner!"
The centurion drew his sword with a flourish and swung it up over his head.
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCUP!'' screamed Fishlegs, absolutely terrified.
This was not part of Hiccup's plan.
"TOOOOOOOOOTHLESS!" screamed Hiccup.
58