The neon glow of the Great Weeb Overlord's floating colosseum pulsed with untamed energy. Thousands of chibi avatars of anime fans screamed in excitement from the stands, throwing down glow sticks, body pillows, and questionable fanart. The tournament stage—an extravagant blend of a Roman arena, a Japanese love hotel, and a shonen battle ring—stood as the grand battlefield for the most ridiculous competition in anime history.
Kazuya, still struggling to process his existence in this absurd realm, wiped his brow. "I—I think I'm having a stroke."
Denji, who had been forcefully teleported in mid-noodle slurp, blinked at the chaos. "Wait… what? A tournament?"
Power cackled, hands on her hips. "HUMANS! BOW BEFORE ME! I SHALL WIN THIS MATE-MAKING BATTLE AND CLAIM ALL THE PRIZES!"
The Great Weeb Overlord hovered above them, his gaudy robe flowing in the nonexistent wind. "Yes, my glorious degenerates! Welcome to THE ULTIMATE HAREM TOURNAMENT! The rules are simple: YOU WIN BY BEING THE MOST DESIRABLE, CHARISMATIC, AND DOWNRIGHT IRRESISTIBLE!"
Luffy scratched his head. "So… we fight?"
"No, dear rubber boy," the Overlord grinned, twirling his omnipotent scepter (which was shaped like a giant pair of anime thighs). "You must CONQUER HEARTS! Through charm, wit, absurd flexing, and exaggerated rom-com tropes! THE WINNER WILL BE CROWNED THE ULTIMATE HAREM PROTAGONIST!"
Makima smirked. "How interesting…"
Gojo adjusted his blindfold, grinning. "Oh, this is going to be good."
Tsunade cracked her knuckles. "You're telling me it's all about attraction? Heh. Too easy."
Yor's face was already beet red. "I—I don't know if I'm ready for this…!"
Meanwhile, an entire row of competitors appeared, featuring anime's most iconic waifus: Rias Gremory, Esdeath, Nico Robin, Akeno Himejima, Zero Two, and even Boa Hancock, who was already glaring down the competition as if they were ants beneath her heels.
Denji's nose started bleeding. "I—I—I CAN'T HANDLE THIS MUCH HOTNESS."
Power slapped his back. "HA! You are already eliminated, weakling!"
The Great Weeb Overlord pointed his scepter forward. "ROUND ONE: SPEED DATING SHOWDOWN!"
Instantly, the entire battlefield transformed into a romantic game show set, complete with heart-shaped chairs, spotlights, and a giant spinning wheel labeled Fate of Love! The contestants were teleported into their respective seats, while a cheesy jazz tune played in the background.
A holographic announcer in a glittery suit materialized. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME TO SEE WHO CAN WIN THE MOST HEARTS IN THE FASTEST TIME! REMEMBER, IT'S NOT ABOUT STRENGTH—IT'S ABOUT RIZZ!"
First up: Gojo Satoru vs. Rias Gremory.
Gojo leaned back lazily. "So, tell me, beautiful, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I take off my blindfold and try again?"
Rias smirked, leaning forward. "Oh? Confidence. But can you back it up?"
Gojo winked. "I see everything, Rias. Especially how this is about to go in my favor."
A sudden DING! lit up on the scoreboard: Rizz Level - OVER 9000!
The crowd lost its mind.
Next up: Denji vs. Esdeath.
Denji trembled as the sadistic general grinned at him. "H-Hey, uh, you got some, uh, really… really nice… boots?"
Esdeath tapped her chin. "Hmm… a bit weak, but I do like broken men."
Another DING!—Rizz Level: 5.5/10. Painfully Mid.
Power burst out laughing. "FOOL! WATCH A TRUE CHAMPION!"
Power vs. Luffy.
Luffy grinned, leaning back. "So, you like meat?"
Power slammed her fist on the table. "I SHALL MARRY YOU."
The scoreboard exploded. Rizz Level: CHAOTIC MAXIMUM!
The crowd screamed as fireworks erupted, the Overlord cackling in pure joy. "YES! YES! THIS IS TRUE ENTERTAINMENT!"
Round after round, the competition continued. Makima dismantled her opponents with psychological warfare, Yor accidentally broke her chair in nervous excitement, and Tsunade made half the men faint with one sultry glance. Boa Hancock rejected every man without a second thought, causing the scoreboard to literally spell out LOL NO.
Finally, the Overlord twirled in excitement. "AND NOW… FOR THE FINAL ROUND! A ONE-ON-ONE DATE IN THE LEGENDARY HOT SPRING OF FATE!"
The arena transformed into a steamy, picturesque hot spring, cherry blossoms swirling in the wind. Only two contestants remained: Gojo Satoru and Makima.
Gojo smirked. "So, just you and me, huh?"
Makima's eyes gleamed. "I always get what I want, Gojo."
The tension in the air was thick enough to slice with a katana. The entire multiverse watched, waiting to see who would emerge as the ULTIMATE HAREM CHAMPION.
Kazuya, still trembling, whispered, "I think I just peed myself."
TO BE CONTINUED…