Haruto Sato—age 18, muscles annoyingly functional, hair defying gravity in ways his 73-year-old self would've called *"youthful nonsense"*—stood in a void that smelled vaguely of lemon disinfectant and existential dread. A glowing blue screen hovered in front of him, its font aggressively Comic Sans:
**[Welcome to the *Unfinished Business Correctional System*™!]**
**[User: Haruto Sato (Author #4271)]**
**[Current Mission: Complete *Song of the Sky Samurai* (Dark Fantasy, 3.5/5 Stars on Celestial Amazon)]**
**[Failure Penalty: Permanent deletion (including browser history!)]**
"Celestial… *Amazon*?" Haruto muttered. "What's next? A divine loot box?"
The goddess flickered into existence beside him, now shaped like a disgruntled office worker clutching a Starbucks cup labeled *"Worlds' Worst Author Juice."* **"You rated your own book 3.5 stars. *Generous.*"**
"I was drunk!" Haruto protested. "And it was the '90s! Everyone gave themselves fake reviews back then!"
**"Uh-huh."** She sipped her drink. **"Let's recap: Kazuo, your edgy samurai protagonist, is trapped in a floating prison battling shadow dragons. His little brother Ren—that's you—dies in Chapter 2 to 'motivate' him. But you rage-quit the draft because dragons were 'overrated lizards.'"**
Haruto winced. "Look, I was going through a phase. Can't I respawn as, I dunno, a sidekick? A *cool* sidekick?"
**"Nope. The System's glitching. You're Ren. Fix the plot, or get yeeted into the void."**
The screen updated:
**[Skill Unlocked: *Protagonist's Monologue* (Level 1)]**
**[Effect: Enemies pause for 10 seconds when you say something vaguely profound.]**
**[Warning: 85% chance of sounding cringe.]**
Haruto groaned. "This skill sucks."
**"Blame yourself. You wrote Kazuo's dialogue like a middle schooler's fanfiction."**
Before he could retort, the void dissolved. Cold wind slapped his face, and suddenly, he was kneeling on weathered stone, wearing rags thinner than his patience. Above him loiled Kazuo, the *Sky Samurai*, clad in armor so spiky it could double as a porcupine cosplay.
**Kazuo:** *"The shadows will* consume *us, brother! This prison… it festers with the rot of fallen souls!"*
Haruto blinked. *Did I really make him talk like a Shakespearean edge-lord?*
**Kazuo:** *"Fear not, Ren! I will carve our path to freedom—even if it costs my* **honor!**"
Haruto's System dinged:
**[Quest: Survive the First Dragon Attack!]**
**[Reward: 1x *Chekhov's Butter Knife* (Guaranteed to be relevant later!)]**
"Wait, *first* dragon attack? How many are th—"
A roar split the sky. A shadow dragon the size of a subway train crashed onto the platform, its scales shimmering like oil spills. Its eyes locked onto Haruto.
**Kazuo:** *"Ren!* **Behind me!**"
Haruto's legs froze. *Oh right. I wrote Ren as a "frail, trembling soul." Lame.*
The dragon lunged. On instinct, Haruto shouted the first thing that came to mind: *"Your mom's a swamp troll!"*
**[Skill Activated: *Protagonist's Monologue*!]**
The dragon paused, tilting its head. **"Excuse me?"**
Kazuo gaped. *"Brother… your words… they* **sting!**"
Haruto dove behind a barrel, heart pounding. "That's not even a monologue! That's a yo mama joke!"
The System blinked:
**[Improvisation Bonus! +5 Snark Points.]**
**[New Skill Unlocked: *Chekhov's Butter Knife* (Level 1)]**
**[Effect: Randomly find a butter knife. 30% chance it's slightly useful.]**
A butter knife clattered to the ground. Haruto stared at it. "Really? *Really?*"
The dragon recovered, snapping its jaws. Haruto grabbed the knife and—channeling every bad action movie he'd ever half-watched—stabbed it in the claw.
**[Critical Hit! Dragon's HP: 999,999 → 999,998]**
**Dragon:** *"...Are you* **serious?**"
Kazuo chose that moment to strike, his sword glowing with *"the fury of a thousand suns"* (Haruto's words, regrettably). The dragon recoiled, and Haruto scrambled away, butter knife still in hand.
**[Quest Complete! +10 EXP]**
**[Level Up: Level 1 → Level 2!]**
**[New Skill: *Plot Armor* (Level 1) – 10% chance to survive fatal blows!]**
The goddess materialized, now a floating cat wearing a tiny party hat. **"Congrats! You didn't die! Here's your loot."**
A single melon bread plopped into Haruto's hands.
"This isn't loot," he said flatly. "This is breakfast."
**"It's a metaphor."**
"For *what?*"
**"Your lack of creativity. Now get back to work. Chapter 3's a boss fight."**
Haruto sighed,"Maybe i should have stayed dead."
The floating prison wasn't just cold—it was the kind of cold that seeped into your bones and whispered, *"You'll never retire comfortably."* Haruto huddled under a moth-eaten blanket he'd scavenged from an empty cell, staring at the System screen glowing in the dark like a toxic smartphone.
**[Current Location: *Tengu's Perch* (Sky Prison #4)]**
**[Time Until Next Dragon Attack: 12 hours]**
**[Objective: Fix Kazuo's 'Motivational Arc' (Progress: 2%)]**
"Fix his *what*?" Haruto muttered. Aiko's melon soda was a distant memory. Here, his only roommate was a suspiciously sentient patch of moss growing on the wall.
The goddess flickered in, this time as a middle-aged woman in a bathrobe, holding a bowl of spectral ramen. **"Kazuo's supposed to avenge your death and become a hero. But you, uh, forgot to give him a personality beyond 'angsty sword guy.'"**
Haruto poked the moss. It hissed. "Why do *I* have to fix him? I'm just the dead brother!"
**"Because you wrote his entire backstory as 'sadness x100.'"** She slurped a noodle. **"Also, the dragons are unionizing. They want better working conditions."**
**[New Quest: *Negotiate with Shadow Dragon Local 303*]**
**[Reward: Dragon ally (temporary), 1x Trauma Counseling Coupon]**
Haruto groaned. "This is why I stuck to *cozy mysteries*."
Kazuo found him at dawn, practicing stabbing the air with his butter knife.
**Kazuo:** *"Ren! Your spirit burns brighter than the morning sun!"*
**Haruto:** *"It's called sleep deprivation."*
He'd forgotten how *exhausting* his old protagonists were. Kazuo's idea of small talk was reciting haikus about despair.
**Kazuo:** *"The wind howls my sorrow / Shadows claw at my resolve / Breakfast is stale bread."*
**Haruto:** *"...We have bread?"*
Over rock-hard rolls, Haruto probed. "So, Kazuo… any hobbies? Friends? Crushing insecurities?"
**Kazuo:** *"My sword is my companion. My purpose is vengeance. My soul is a tempest of—"*
**Haruto:** *"Ever tried knitting?"*
**[Skill Activated: *Protagonist's Monologue*!]**
Kazuo's eyes misted. *"Mother tried to teach me, once. Before the dragonfire took her."*
Haruto paused. *Wait, did I write that?*
The System dinged:
**[Backstory Discovered: *Kazuo's Knitting Trauma*]**
**[Relationship Level with Kazuo: Acquaintances → Tolerable Siblings]**
Progress.
The shadow dragon arrived at noon, its wings blotting out the sun. Haruto stood on the prison's edge, butter knife in hand, Kazuo dramatically unsheathing his sword behind him.
**Dragon:** *"You again. Got a better insult?"*
**Haruto:** *"I'm here to negotiate. Your union's demands?"*
The dragon blinked. *"...Health insurance. Dental. Less stabbing."*
Haruto turned to Kazuo. "Can we stop stabbing them?"
**Kazuo:** *"But… vengeance!"*
Haruto sighed. "What if we stab *metaphorically*? Like, through personal growth?"
**[Persuasion Check: Failed.]**
Kazuo charged. The dragon sighed. *"Humans."*
The fight lasted three minutes. Haruto's **Plot Armor** activated once—when a stray fireball singed his eyebrows off.
**Kazuo:** *"Fear not, brother! I shall—"*
**Haruto:** *"Duck!"*
He lobbed the butter knife. It bounced off the dragon's snout.
**[Critical Hit! Dragon's Pride: -50]**
**Dragon:** *"Okay, that's just rude."*
After finishing *Sky Samurai* (by convincing Kazuo to open a bakery instead of a revenge quest), Haruto reappeared in Tokyo. His month-long break began with a 3 a.m. trip to FamilyMart.
Aiko was there, restocking onigiri.
**Aiko:** *"You look… crispy."*
**Haruto:** *"Grill accident."* (Technically true, if "grill" meant "dragonfire.")
They ate tamago sandwiches on the curb. Haruto's hands still shook.
**Aiko:** *"You okay?"*
**Haruto:** *"Just… work stress."*
She tossed him a chocolate bar. *"Here. For the vitamins."*
He smiled. It felt weird on his face.
Back in the System void, the goddess scrolled through TikTok. **"Next up: *Cyberpunk Lullaby*. You wrote it after binging *Blade Runner* and green tea shots."**
**Haruto:** *"Is the System always this judgy?"*
**Goddess:** *"Only when you make the love interest a sentient toaster."*
**[New Mission: *Cyberpunk Lullaby* (Post-Apocalyptic Sci-Fi)]**
**[Warning: 80% More Neon. 100% More Existential Dread.]**
Haruto flopped onto the void's "floor" (which felt like static). "Can't I just nap?"
**Goddess:** *"Nope. But here's a skill from your past life."*
**[Skill Unlocked: *Caffeine Immunity* (Level 1)]**
**[Effect: Survive on 2 hours of sleep! (Side effects: hallucinations.)]**
He groaned. *350 worlds to go. At least the coffee's free.*