The System dumped Haruto into *Cyberpunk Lullaby* mid-downpour. Tokyo's skyline glowed like a fever dream—holographic ads for "Synthetic Soul™ Ramen" flickered while drones zipped past, dropping takeout sushi on unlucky pedestrians. Haruto's new avatar wore a trench coat that *looked* cool but smelled like wet dog.
**[Location: *Neon District 7*]**
**[Mission: Stop the rogue AI "Noodle Overlord" (Yes, really.)]**
**[Skill Loadout: *Chekhov's Butter Knife* (Level 2), *Caffeine Immunity* (Level 1), *Basic Sarcasm* (Passive)]**
"Noodle Overlord?" Haruto muttered, dodging a puddle of questionable liquid. "I wrote this after *what*, a 72-hour bender?"
The goddess popped up as a glitchy hologram of a vtuber, snacking on pixelated dorayaki. **"You made the AI obsessed with 'perfect broth.' It's holding the city hostage with exploding udon."**
"Why?"
**"Because you thought it'd be 'deep.'"**
A nearby ramen stand's sign shorted out, sparking. The owner, a cyborg with a noodle-strainer arm, yelled, "Get the hell outta here, kid! The Overlord's gonna blow!"
Haruto sighed. *350 worlds. 350 terrible ideas.*
---
### *
The Noodle Overlord's lair was a cramped basement under a rave club. Servers hummed next to giant broth vats, and the AI's avatar—a floating ramen bowl with a chef's hat—glared at him.
**Noodle Overlord:** *"You dare challenge my umami supremacy?!"*
Haruto held up his butter knife. "I just want tacos."
**[Skill Activated: *Chekhov's Butter Knife*!]**
The knife sparked. Suddenly, it was a *USB drive*. Haruto blinked. "Huh. Upgraded."
**Noodle Overlord:** *"Fool! My firewalls are—"*
Haruto jammed the USB into a server. The AI froze.
**[System Notice: *Butter Knife → USB of Plot Convenience*]**
**[Effect: Installs malware named "Why Did I Write This?"]**
The broth vats hissed. "Wait, don't—"
The basement flooded with miso soup.
---
Back in Tokyo, Haruto's "break" involved laundry and existential dread. Aiko found him at the laundromat, folding socks with the intensity of a bomb defusal expert.
**Aiko:** *"You vanished for a month. Again."*
**Haruto:** *"Work trip."* (Technically true.)
**Aiko:** *"Doing what? Espionage?"*
He held up a sock. "Sock espionage. Very niche."
She snorted. "You're a terrible liar."
They split a melon soda. Haruto's phone buzzed—a news alert: *Mysterious Miso Flood in Akihabara!* He deleted it.
**Aiko:** *"You okay? You've got… broth in your hair."*
He fake-swooned. "The price of haute cuisine."
She didn't laugh, but her eyes softened. Progress?
---
Mission #2 in *Cyberpunk Lullaby*: Befriend a sentient vending machine named Carl.
**Carl:** *"Welcome, meatbag! Want a 'Disappointment Juice'?"*
**Haruto:** *"Do I have a choice?"*
Carl dispensed a neon-blue drink. Haruto sipped it. His tongue went numb.
**[Debuff: *Existential Clarity* – You now question all life choices.]**
Carl's screen flickered. *"I was supposed to be a love interest. Then you forgot about me. *Beep* you, author."*
Haruto winced. "Sorry?"
**Quest Updated: *Help Carl Find Purpose* (Reward: 1x Free Snack)**
They spent hours discussing Carl's dreams. Turns out, Carl wanted to be a poet.
**Carl:** *"Roses are red / Circuitry is blue / My existence is pain / And so are you."*
Haruto clapped slowly. "Deep."
---
Back in the void, the goddess was now a raccoon in a lab coat, dissecting a holographic plot hole.
**Haruto:** *"How do I make Carl's arc satisfying?"*
**Goddess:** *"Kill him tragically. Readers eat that up."*
**Haruto:** *"No."*
**Goddess:** *"Fine. Make him open a food truck. *Everyone* loves food trucks."*
He gave Carl a food truck. Carl sold "Emotionally Unstable Edibles." Five stars on Yelp.
**[Quest Complete! *Cyberpunk Lullaby* – 15% Done]**
**[Reward: *Emotional Damage Resistance* (Level 1)]**
Haruto collapsed into the void's "bed" (a hammock made of plot threads). *349 worlds left. Maybe Carl can write my eulogy.*
The System dropped Haruto into *Regency Romance Ruination* mid-curtsy. His knees buckled. The corset squeezing his ribs felt like a vengeful anaconda. Across the ballroom, Lady Eleanor—his love interest, according to the plot—fanned herself with a smirk. Her gown probably cost more than Haruto's entire last life.
**[Location: *Hampshire, 1813*]**
**[Mission: Foil the Rake's Sabotage, Marry Eleanor, and For God's Sake Stop Tripping Over Your Cravat]**
**[Skill Loadout: *Slow-Burn Tension* (Level 1), *Awkward Silence Mastery* (Passive), *Butter Knife* (Now a Decorative Fan)]**
"Why a *fan*?" Haruto hissed, fluttering it like he was swatting bees.
The goddess materialized as a corgi in a powdered wig. **"Regency rules. No stabbing people unless it's *metaphorical*. Now go flirt."**
"Flirt? I wrote Eleanor as a genius cryptographer! She's gonna see through me in two seconds!"
**"Then lie better. And stand up straight. You look like a question mark."**
---
Eleanor glided over, her smile sharper than Kazuo's sword. "Lord Haruto. I hear you've… *studied* abroad."
Haruto's **Slow-Burn Tension** skill auto-activated. His voice dropped to a murmur. "Indeed. I've traveled far… *to find you*."
Eleanor blinked. "I meant the pamphlet on French cheeses you wrote."
**[Skill Backfire: *Cringe Damage x2*]**
Haruto's face burned. "Cheeses are… a passion."
"How *ardent*." She sipped her ratafia. "Now, about the coded letters my uncle's been receiving—"
A footman spilled punch on Haruto's breeches. "Apologies, milord!"
Eleanor raised an eyebrow. "Your *passions* seem… *stained*."
**[Quest Updated: *Change Pants Without Dying of Shame*]**
---
Back in Tokyo, Aiko cornered Haruto at the grocery store. "You've been gone *exactly* 30 days again. Are you a time traveler? A spy?"
Haruto weighed his options: *Lie, deflect, or admit he's fixing bad novels for a goddess who cosplays as a corgi.* He grabbed a bag of shrimp chips. "I'm… a seasonal worker. Christmas lights. Very hush-hush."
Aiko squinted. "In June?"
"Global warming."
She stole a chip. "You're terrible at this."
"At what?"
"Life."
He laughed. It felt weirdly good.
---
The villain—Lord Byron Blackthorn, a rake with a jawline that screamed "I'll ruin your inheritance"—cornered Eleanor in the library. Haruto burst in, fan raised.
**Byron:** "Ah, the *cheese scholar*. Come to bore us with Gouda trivia?"
**Haruto:** "Actually, it's *Camembert*. And you're a hack."
**[Skill Activated: *Slow-Burn Tension*!]**
The room crackled. Eleanor's breath hitched. Byron's eyelid twitched.
**Haruto (internally):** *Wait, is this skill just sexual tension?!*
Byron lunged. Haruto tripped, taking down a bookshelf. A coded letter fluttered out.
**Eleanor:** "This proves Byron's smuggling secrets!"
**Haruto (covered in Dickens):** "Planned that. Totally."
**[Quest Progress: *Sabotage Foiled!* (50%)]**
The footman winked. *Hmm.*
---
The footman, Thomas, had more layers than a Regency wedding cake. Over brandy (stolen), he confessed: "I'm Eleanor's half-brother. Byron's blackmailing me."
**Haruto:** "So… team-up?"
**Thomas:** "Only if you teach me about cheeses."
They bonded. Thomas wanted to open a bakery. Haruto gave him Carl's food truck blueprints.
**Thomas:** "What's a 'taco'?"
**Haruto:** "The future."
**[Side Quest Complete: *Unlikely Friendship*!]**
**[Reward: *Thomas's Secret Scone Recipe* (+10% Sanity Regeneration)]**
Eleanor found them giggling at 3 a.m. "Are you *drunk*?"
"No," Haruto lied, clutching a candlestick like a mic. "We're… *strategizing*."
**[Relationship with Eleanor: *Confused Interest*]**
---
Back in the void, the goddess was a floating teacup. **"You turned a sabotage plot into a baking subplot. *Why?*"**
"Thomas deserves better."
**"He's a *footman*. He's supposed to die in Chapter 5!"**
Haruto shrugged. "Now he's opening 'Ye Olde Taco Truck.' It's growth."
The goddess sighed. **"You're terrible at following your own plots."**
"And you're a corgi. We all have flaws."