"I WILL CONSUME HUMOR!" said anti-humor man.
"NOT TODAY ANTI-HUMOR MAN FOR I AM FRENCH FRY MAN!!! The greatest superhero of all time!" said French fry man.
"OR AM I?" said French fry man having a mid-fry crisis.
"Your power won't work on me MID-LIFE CRISIS MAN!" said French fry man.
Audience audibly gasps.
"HOW DID YOU FIGURE IT OUT!?" gasped mid-life crisis man.
"My mid-fry crisis gave it away of course, foul villain! Now face my special attack: FRY-CUFFS! Hand cuffs made of fries!"
The fry-cuffs cuff mid-life crisis man making it impossible for him to escape. Civilians surround French Fry man cheering and praising him.
"I CAN HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?" said a woman enthused.
"WHY YES FELLOW CITIZEN!!" said the hero confidently.
Said woman faints as French fry man signs her forehead.
The police are now on the scene and apprehend the evildoer.
"Well if it isn't mid-life crisis man, you will be locked up for a long time buster," said the police man as he puts the villain in the back of the squad car.
"Thank you for another job well done, French fry man," thanked the officer.
"No, thank you fellow enforcer of the law. Now I must be off now, FOR CRIME NEVER SLEEPS!!!!"
French fry man launches himself into the air in search of more crime to stop.
An old hag is cries at the foot of a tree crying for help.
"Help! Can somebody help me!" cried the old woman.
"DON'T WORRY MISS FOR I AM HERE!!! FRENCH FRY MAN!" said French fry man as he lands next to her like a meteor falling from the sky.
The woman almost has a heart attack but still grants him permission to him her.
She points to a car stuck in a high up branch in the tree. The cat was scratching the tree branch afraid for its life.
"Please help him my poor Mr. Fluffy is..."
"DON'T WORRY MISS SAY NO MORE FOR I WILL SAVE THE DAY! WITH MY SPECIAL ATTACK: gentle fry hands, an attack where I gently pickup the target."
He flies up to the cat and safely grabs the cat. He comes back down to the ground cat in hand.
"Thank you so much. I thought this will be the end for Mr. Fluffy."
"Don't worry miss when it comes to saving those in need no matter it be fellow citizens or trees I will be sure to help."
"Trees?"
"NOW I MUST BE OFF MISS EVIL NEVER SLEEPS!!! Oh I forgot about this cat."
He tosses the cat into the upper stratosphere
The old woman faints at the sight of Mr. Fluffy joining the space program.
"Sorry I can't be here longer madam, FOR I AM FRENCH FRY MAN PROTECTOR OF THE CITY OF LEEROY!!!"
French fry man launches himself into the air in search of more old hags in need.
"Fire! My house is on fire!" screamed a man.
"FEAR NOT FOR IT IS I!!! FRENCH FRY MAN!!!"
"Its French Fry man the world's greatest superhero. I am saved!"
"This is the work of Stovetop neglect man, one of my fiercest adversaries!"
"Fear not low-income millennial for you are under Stovetop neglect man's influence no longer!"
"NOW I WILL USE MY SPECIAL ATTACK: fry shower, an attack where I force boiling fryer oil to rain from the heavens."
Boiling fryer oil rains down on the low-income millennial's poor excuse of a shack called a house. The fire dies and French fry man pulls out a fryer to collect some boiling fryer oil. He then starts cutting up potatoes.
"Huh?"
"OH SORRY FELLOW CITIZEN! YOU SEE I COULDN'T LET ALL THIS OIL GO TO WASTE SO I STARTED TO WHIP UP SOME FRIES! YOUR MEAL WILL BE READY SOON!"
"MY HOUSE! ITS RUINED!" yelled the man.
"Sssshhhh, trust me bro this will fix everything," French fry man reassured.
A few minutes later the fries are ready and French fry man serves them to the man.
"Thank you French fry man you're so amazing!"
"WHY YES I AM! DUDE WHO'S HOUSE BURNT DOWN IN DRAMATIC FASHION!"
"Never mind you're no longer amazing. I can't eat fries without ketchup."
(Bitch. Uh I mean WHAT WILL FRENCH FRY MAN DO?! NO KETCHUP! HOW DARE HE!)
"WHY YES THAT IS A PROBLEM DUDE WHO"S HOUSE BURNT DOWN IN DRAMATIC FASHION! LET ME FIX THAT FOR YOU!"
French fry man materializes a Heinz ketchup bottle and gives it to the man. Yay the day is saved!
"SORRY FELLOW CITIZEN FOR I MUST GO NOW FOR EVIL NEVER SLEEPS!!!!"
French fry man launches himself into the evening sky in search of more wage slaves who need their Heinz ketchup.
"Help me French fry man! I can't take it anymore! I feel like there's no escape! Save me before I jump of this bridge!" said a woman on the edge of a bridge. (Well thank you Captain obvious)
"FEAR NOT FELLOW CITIZEN!!! IT IS I FRENCH FRY MAN!"
The woman moans from excitement. (EH YO!!!)
"Please I can't take it anymore! Let me be your girlfriend/romantic love interest/Louis Lane."
French fry man has an awkward look on his face like he's about to say he already has a girlfriend or something.
"Uh so like that's a nice offer and all..."
"Yeah," she nods her head with twinkling stars in her eyes.
"Your not my type."
"What?" said the lady with a blank stare.
"What's your type? I can be your type!" said the woman who seems like she has mood swings.
(Think ya dodged a bullet here French fry man.)
"FOR TYPE IS WOMEN WHO ARE ATTRACTIVE!!!"
"Fuck you."
"NOW I MUST BE OFF, FOR EVIL NEVER SLEEPS!!!"
French fry man gets back into his taxi and it drives off in search of red flags to avoid.
French fry man was taking a sip of his French fry spice latte when out of no where he's attacked.
Audience gasps.
Oh no what will he do?!
Next time on "For I am FRENCH FRY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"