JUDE
What would you do if your life changed overnight?
Click! Click! Click!
Eyes on you everywhere you looked.
Click! Click! Click!
Nowhere to hide.
Click! Click! Click!
And anything you said now could be used against you?
Who would you turn to?
"Jude!"
"here! Jude!"
"smile for me, Jude! Yes like that!"
"you are so beautiful! I love you!"
The screaming and the camera lights make me flinch making Ava step close to me.
"don't flinch, keep the smile and wave a little. We move in five seconds."
It's hard not to flinch. I feel blinded by the lights, someone is trying to grab my hand, another my coat. Too many people are calling for me from all directions.
I don't know where to look. Everything is too stimulating. Someone grabs me but before I can even turn to see who it is, I am pushed back by the man in the black suit, guiding me away.
Smiling and waving, turning and posing.
I am to keep a poised persona, even though I feel like jumping and screaming at all the people here who came to see me.
I want to scream so bad that I am famous now, but that would be frowned upon. Famous people don't need to say they are famous.
"not bad for your first time," Ava, the woman who scouted me pushes the double doors. "But we will have to work on that flinch and the smile."
"Okay." anything to make me appear composed unlike how I am feeling inwards. My hands are trembling so I stuff them in the coat I am wearing.
"we have makeup and someone to go over the lines you will say in the interview. Try not to flinch live on TV, will you?"
Ava and I met two months ago. the first day when she showed up in front of my house and handed me a letter, telling me that I had made it in life.
The second time is when she came in and accepted the letter I had signed, then proceeded to take over my life.
"life as you now know it is over," she said. "its no longer yours, but you will be very happy."
I thought it was a joke at first.
I mean, sure I just went viral for my song but it wasn't a big deal, right?
Apparently not.
I am now signed under Starz Records and not only that, I am banded together in a relatively new pop group, but upcoming.
I have become a rockstar overnight.
"keep your chin up, and always wear a carefree smile. It will crinkle your eyes and make you look more sexy," the makeup artist dabbing some powder on my cheeks tilts my face up, eyes trained on my face through the mirror.
"Thanks," I say and his smile widens.
"you have the aura, you will shake the world."
I am left seated in front of the large mirrors, note cards on my hand as I look at the questions and answers that will be gone through in the interview.
I didn't know you practiced before going live on TV.
"ready?"
No. "yeah."
"don't be too stiff, and try to laugh at the jokes, this should be over in five minutes and then we have another interview in an hour," ava types away on her phone and I nod.
She doesn't see it of course and I have to follow her when she signals for me it's time to be on stage. Someone hooks a microphone on me, another straightens my already neat clothes and another sets my hair perfectly.
The host doesn't talk to me, as he too is prepped, and when its time, he signals for me and we are live.
"Jude Angel Silvers," Jacob, the host says my full name and I nod smiling.
"yes."
"your parents ought to have known you would be a rockstar right?" the audience in the show laughs and I keep my smile light.
"if you mean, making me listen to all the rock classics and me ending up loving rock and music in general, then yes."
"your name is iconic."
"thank you, Jacob," I chuckle as I look at the camera that Ava and the crew told me to focus on.
"just like the song, 'My Heart, Your Palm' is. I mean, what a title."
"you are too kind," I laugh and look at the screen as the lyrics show.
"the lyrics, are too intimate. Dare I say you wrote this for a lover?"
"no lover, but yes it is intimate," I shake my head, still laughing. "inspiration comes in all forms. But it is my favorite song in the unreleased album."
"artists aren't supposed to have favourites," Jacob looks scandalized, very dramatic about it and I shake my head, chuckling.
"no they arent, but I do. we all have favourites we just don't say it with our chests."
"And now you will be joining a pop band, be the sixth member, fly high with the stars. How do you feel about that?"
"I am happy to have been selected, I am hoping that I will pass the interview and the auditions so that I can be one of them.it is the dream."
"Have you listened to their songs? What do you think of them?" Jacob rattles the questions and I pause. These were not in the notes I was given. "and one more question, were they your first choice?"
"uh, yes, I have listened to their songs. I am more of the in depth and moving solo songs so that is something I will have to adapt when I succeed to be one of them," I swallow hard but I keep the smile.
"I think they are amazing," shifting on the chair, I cross my legs. "They will shake the world one day and I hope we will be together doing it, after all, I have dreamt of being in a band. Singing while touring the whole world. It's a dream I wish to see happen."
"Well, thank you for your time and we wish all your dreams come true."
And just like that, my first-ever interview on TV is done.
"you did well, time for the next one," ava comments as we move past the throng of screaming people and paparazzi.
Once I am inside the black suv, I take a deep exhale, the first one of the day.
"why are there so many people outside when I juts got announced as one of the candidate?" I cant help asking and ava pauses.
"because saying you are one of the nominees is for the formalities. You are in, Jude. You are now a MARS band member. The minute you signed the contract, you were in. do you understand?"
I nod and look outside as the car pulls us away, heading towards my next interview.
It's all too surreal I don't think I am fully processing what is happening.
I meet new people, change clothes every time I am seen outside and before I sit in the next interview I am changed into a new set again.
The next one goes in a blur, the host sticking with the questions I was given and then having a small photoshoot.
By the time ava tells me I am going to be leaving my home town, I am exhausted, wide eyed and my mind is barely active.
Its around midnight by the time I am done for the day and we are headed towards the airport- to the city that is going to make all my dreams come true.
Every hope and dream, every secret whispered prayer I offered the universe seems to come alive, vibrating to life as the airplane starts ascending. I am leaving my hometown, leaving towards my dreams. Only one person teethers me here, and my heart aches when I think of how they will be alone now I am gone.
Its okay though, I am doing this for them. I have to win for them. I have to be big and achieve success for them.
It feels like I am leaving a part of myself behind, heading towards the big ocean, to swim with the whales and sharks, no longer swimming in my small pond.
I wonder if I should cling to this version of me, if I will survive as I am, or will I eventually change and become unrecognizable even by myself.
Only one way to find out.