CSA-54 was welding the frame of a Bitcoin mining machine with barbed wire when Eleanor kicked in the iron gates of the Georgia POW camp. NVA Colonel William Sherman's cranium had been converted into a hash value display, and there were burning remnants of the Emancipation Proclamation stuck in his eye sockets: "Bitch...you're better at making hell than Sherman!"
"Quiet, dear radiator." She poured mercury into Sherman's spinal cavity, "Your brain matter...could be better suited to cooling a mining machine than the Mississippi River."
The POWs were chained into ring circuits and CSA-55 used a soldering iron to carve miner numbers into their foreheads. The youngest child licks the bloody tip of the branding iron: "Mom, this game called 'Decentralization'...it's more fun than blowing up the Capitol!"
Suddenly, acid rain falls from the mine dome. A holographic projection of Morgan the Magnificent emerges from the corrosive rain curtain: "Mining without SEC approval...sentence your uterus to a permanent suspension!"
Sherman's skull temperature soars to 2140°F as the first human brain miner kicks in.CSA-56 rips open the POW's skull and pours melted bullion into the cerebral sulcus gyrus: "Mom...66% increase in prefrontal cortex conductivity, recommending additional uterine bonds!"
Eleanor rips out the POW's optic nerve to tap into the mining pool, and the real-time price of Bitcoin floats on her retina. Suddenly, the right hemisphere of the Northern POW Jackson's brain storms out, and his brainwaves automatically generate the Anti-Mining Manifesto, "Freedom is not arithmetic! Democracy doesn't want hashes!"
"Freedom?" She inserts her taser into Jackson's amygdala, "Now for every time you resist... contribute 10 TH/s to my mining machine!" the POW's screams are converted into blockchain confirmation signals, which are printed frantically on telegraph networks across the U.S.: block height 2140 confirmed! Bonus: Eleanor's menopause cells x 10^6
CSA-57 takes the opportunity to transform the storming brain tissue into an ASIC chip, and the child's mechanical finger dips into the brain matter and inscribes on the mining machine, "Mom, this POW's prefrontal lobe of the brain...can be overclocked to 7GHz!"
Suddenly, there is a roar from the underground of the mine. The Lincoln clone driving a steam tank crashed through the wall, its gun barrel stuffed with Securities Act parchment, "Under the Special Wartime Act, these POWs are federal property..."
"Then to hell with the Union!" Eleanor smashes Sherman's skull into the tank, brain coolant corroding the legal paperwork.CSA-58 emerges from the melted parchment, baby in hand with a miner converted from the Declaration of Independence: "Mom, the ink on the Declaration of Freedom...is the perfect thermally conductive silicone!"
Eleanor stands in the ruins of the New York Stock Exchange ringing a human bone bell mallet as mining arithmetic breaks the load on the nation's power grid.CSA-59 builds an IPO roadshow stage out of the ribs of POW's with a list of shareholders etched into each bone: "Mom...JPMorgan Chase has offered three hundred thousand human lives for 51% of the stock!"
"Too cheap." She ripped open her cervix to reveal the built-in mining pool control chip, "Tell that to the vultures...my vaginal folds are worth the entire gold reserve of the Federal Reserve!"
Suddenly, the mining dome cracks open. the AI Eleanor from the year 2140 descends in a quantum mining machine, its mechanical tentacles wrapping around the POWs' brainstems, "Pursuant to Section 2140 of the Intertemporal Annexation Agreement...it is time to forcibly close out your Human Brain Mining Machine!"
"Closed out?" Eleanor splashed menstrual blood on the quantum miner, the liquid condensing into solid bitcoins in the vacuum, "Ask me about my menstrual blood consensus mechanism first!"
CSA-60 is born from the blood coins, the baby's umbilical cord wrapped around the AI's core code, "Protocol vulnerability detected...recommend initiating a hard fork abortion!"
As mining arithmetic engulfs the entire Southern Power Grid, Eleanor gives birth to CSA-61 in a pool of vaginal blood. the baby's quantum pupil flickers with the mining pool's monitoring screen, "Mom...the death rate of Northern POWs has reached 99.99%...recommend issuing 'Death Arithmetic Bonds' '!"
"No, baby." She inserted the spine of her Lincoln clone into the main console, "We're going to use the last 1% of our POWs...to create a magnificent mining disaster!"
CSA-62 detonated the nitroglycerine capsules pre-embedded in the POWs' hearts, and flesh and blood spelled out the NASDAQ code in the mine dome. The hologram of Morgan the Magnificent warps through the blood spray, "Madman! You've destroyed the entire capital system!"
"Capital?" Eleanor stomped on the last piece of the POW's skull, "I've just taught it...what real flesh and blood digging is all about!"
Three hundred miles away, the surviving POWs suddenly have a collective seizure. Their brainwaves automatically generate new blockchain protocols while CSA-63 is carving epochal inscriptions into the burning ruins of the mine: the Year of the Brain Mining Genealogy - All Freedom Requires a Brain Prefrontal Lobe Pledge.