"Hahahahaha…"
Blabber.
"Hahahahaha…"
More blabber.
"Hahahahaha…"
Blabber, blabber.
"Hahahahaha…"
Just how long are they going to laugh?
I downed another soju by myself.
They did not notice.
I poured another shot into my glass.
They did not notice.
Manners.
Basic manners.
They were missing them.
Eventually, blabbers died out, and their laughter stopped.
Perhaps I should have paid attention to what they were saying. If I did, I probably could have learned a thing or two about Miho. But I was too busy sulking just looking at them being so friendly to each other. Like they were friends who could share everything and did share everything. Already. Before I came around.
Not that I've been around for long.
It was like this throughout my life.
I'd get along with someone at school. I was not extremely sociable, but I could get along.
When things start to get mildly interesting and fun, someone else will join in. Perhaps because it looked like we were having fun. Then it would be three of us. Then two of them. And me.
I naturally dropped out when there were more than two people in a conversation.
I naturally shrank when I was no longer at the center of attention, although I never liked being at the center of attention.
I downed another shot.
I normally hate drinking soju. It feels like drinking petrol for me. The moment I take a sip I feel like puking.
But there were nights when soju tasted sweet. On those nights I could drink a lot.
Tonight wasn't one of them.
"Hey, slow down a bit, Sohee. You gonna be alright?", Miho finally asked me.
As if you cared.
"I'm fine. Thank you. And you?"
The old man ruffled Miho's hair as she sat there looking at me, just blinking, confused. I suppose it got through her thick skull that there was something I wasn't happy with, but she just wasn't sensitive enough to grasp it.
"Still so clueless, Miho. Still so clueless", the old man chuckled.
How ironic the old man was more perceptive than the woman I've been living with.
"What did I do wrong?", Miho was genuinely clueless, and perhaps to find some clue, she downed her shot as well.
"Hey, hey. Don't drink alone.", the old man poured a glass for Miho and poured another one for me.
You've been ignoring me drinking alone for the whole evening, but for this one shot, I will forgive you. Old man.
We cheered, our shot glasses lightly kissing with the sweet sound of blunt glasses.
"By the way, it was a good job you did a few days ago.", the old man praised Miho while taking a slice of beef off the grill and placing it in my bowl.
"Where did you hear that?", Miho asked.
"You know how it goes. People speak."
"Gees, what's the whole point of clients fussing over confidentiality when they themselves can't keep their mouth shut?"
"It wasn't the clients. It was about whom you did your job against."
"Yeah, yeah, you are going to lecture me now."
"Miho."
The old man suddenly looked serious. His smile gone.
"Why didn't you turn it down?"
"Nyaha~, let's just drink!", Miho proposed a toast and I responded. Absent-minded.
"Are you happy now?"
The old man probed. Poking and probing. With his words. With his eyes. Even with his ears.
"You bet I am! I'm having the time of my life! Kyaaaa-", she downed her shot and turned the shot glass upside down over her head, shaking it, to show that no single drop remained.
This was a small consolation. Perhaps the only good thing I heard tonight. That Miho was happy. And we've been staying together for almost two weeks now. I suppose her good time included the time we shared?
"But I don't want you to be happy, Miho."
"You are always so mean."
"I want you to live."
The smile fainted from Miho's lips. She put the empty glass down on the table and stared at it, looking at the warped reflection of herself.
"I'm fine, old man."
"You took a job you shouldn't have."
"Is that why you tracked me down?", Miho shot back. With her eyes still fixed on the curved glass. Now she was seeing beyond her reflection. Our eyes met in the refraction.
The old man said nothing. Instead, he reached into his pocket and took out a hefty envelope. Even I could tell that it was full of cash. Probably 50,000 won notes. How much would that be? At least 10 million won. More like 15 million won.
"Take this and lay low for a while."
Miho took the envelope without hesitation.
"You know I'll never say no.", Miho grunted and pocketed the envelope. Ungrateful.
"How's Juho?"
"Wha-, no! Don't talk about-"
The old man realized he made a mistake and made a face that he was not sorry.
So deliberate. So obvious.
But that didn't bother me. What bothered me was the man blurted out a boy's name and Miho was acting all worked up about it.
My heart sank. I didn't even feel like drinking. Neither did the 1++ grade Korean beef look so delicious anymore. I felt dry in my mouth. Thirsty.
"I'll get going."
I got up and left the restaurant. Without looking back.
It was a boy. It wasn't some name that could be either a boy's or a girl's. It was 100% a boy's name.
And Miho looked so nervous, unsettled - I could sense it.
She didn't want me to hear that name.
And she said all her family was dead, although I didn't quite believe it back then. The way she so strongly wanted to stop the old man told me everything.
It could only mean one thing.
I started to run.
Down the street.
To find a rat hole for me to hide in.
Fool.
You stupid fool.
What did you expect?
The cat came out of the restaurant and started to call out to me.
I did not respond.
I was a rat. Running away.
Don't follow me.
Don't come back to our home.
It isn't our home anymore.