CHAPTER NUMBER 7
Jack and I sat down at the cafe and ordered some food. I was also hungry from doing my shift, so I ordered some food. We ended up ordering quite a fair amount, when we started eating, I started asking questions.
"So why are you this hungry?"
Jack while eating his food, stopping between sentences to chew his food,
"You know… this morning when we had our conversation."
"Yeah."
"I remember one of my friends talking about something like that…he is a psycho student."
"You mean a psychology student."
"Yeah, same thing."
"..., forget it, continue."
"When I remembered it, I went to the library to see if the book which he talked about was there and I found it."
I started getting impatient.
"just get to the point!"
Jack wipes his mouth and really starts talking.
"The book perfectly described the things you are experiencing, everything you have told me up until now, was written in the book and the solution to it!"
After hearing this I felt a moment of joy thinking that there is a fix for this, even though the things that I have been experiencing could have simple explanation, could be mere coincidence but hearing that there is a solution to the not even diagnosed problem yet, felt like I was about to get out of a blood flowing situation.
"Tell me then, what can I do? What do I need to do to get out of this?"
Jack then told me the solution, the one he read.
"It said that the root of your problem is that you simply have really immersive thoughts and amazing imagination and to get rid of these thoughts you need to do more."
"What do you mean more?"
"It means that you should hang out more, do more activities, I mean think about it, you wake up, go to college, straight after that you go to your part time job and if you don't have any part time job, you directly go to your home."
I got confused hearing this,
"And? What is the problem with this?"
"You still don't get it, it's shutting you down, doing the same thing over and over again is making you have useless thoughts, I mean think about it, you don't hang out, it's only occasionally that you will go out with me, other than that you don't even bother to go outside and I don't know why, don't you remember when we talked about having these thoughts at night, you didn't even knew at first what those were because you have closed yourself off."
After hearing this I went completely silent,
"I mean why do you even shut yourself inside, why don't you go outside more, hang out with people."
Jack then saw my expression and stopped talking. He knew that he had hit a sensitive nerve.
I had an expression hard to describe, it was multiple emotions in one, I had an angry expression, with fear in it with sadness alongside, when Jack said those lines memories started to flow, past memories, memories which I had set aside.
***
Jack knew when he said those sentences he had made me remember something terrible.
He tones down his voice and asks calmly,
"What is it? Did I say something wrong or something I shouldn't have?"
I replied in a manner to not make me more concerned then he already is but words came out, my voice became hoarsely.
"No, it's not that, it's just some memories that I had buried in my heart came back."
Jack asked me to make me relive my pain.
"Why don't you tell me, talking about something always makes one feel better."
I don't know why but after hearing him say this I started to talk about those memories even though I don't place my heart out like this, I thought telling Jack would be alright.
As I was about to tell Jack a voice in my mind, my own voice, it was faint but I heard it loud and clear, it said, I said "Don't, I beg."
I turned around to see if it was anyone but there was nobody there. I ignored it completely, not giving it much notice, how I wish I had.
"you know how I was abandoned by my parents and how I moved from place to place right?"
Jack knew I was about to say something serious when the first line I said was that.
"yeah, we became friends due to that, I met you at night studying on a public bench."
"Yeah, it is one of the best memories I have, when we became friends because it really was the worst time in my life."
"worst time?"
"After my parents abandoned me, I moved to my aunt's house, while living in my aunt's house I had to do a lot of chores so I could earn my right to live there but after she got married I got kicked out, after that I moved to my uncles, that place was the worst, I got beaten almost every day by my uncle because I was a nuisance to him, after getting fed up of him, I retaliated one day and in the process he hurt his hand, I ran away, while he was taken to the hospital.
After that I wandered around the streets every day to find a suitable place to sleep, someday I would sleep at a park, at a bench, would hide somewhere in a cafe or restaurants just to sleep even then I had to face challenges, police would come and tell me I can't sleep there, random people at night would annoy me whenever I would sleep outside, I felt like literal trash of the world, no one to rely on, no one to take care of me, the only good time was when we would meet at our decided place."
Suddenly the waiter who was bringing a cup of coffee to the customer while walking by us, I sensed something, I don't know what it was but I immediately stood up and caught the person.
As soon as I stood up, the waiter slipped and the tray with the coffee he was holding was about to drop along with it but I miraculously stopped him from falling and the tray too.
Everyone was surprised to see this, I was the one most surprised by my own actions.
I sat back down.
Jack with his mouth wide open in shock,
"Oh my! How did you do that?"
"I don't know, I am just as shocked as you, it felt as if I just changed my body or my personality with someone for that brief moment."
Jack got confused
"what do you mean exactly?"
I replied while looking at my hand, trying to see if I have Spidey sense
"It felt like it was natur…"
"You know what, forget it, continue what you were saying."
Even if Jack interrupted me, I knew in the back of my mind that this was not right, this sudden swift momentum from me, it was completely different from mine, I do work out but that was the action of someone who actually knows how to fight or have the reflexes of a pro driver.
I replied to Jack in a manner of sarcasm.
"Are you really that eager to listen to my sad past!"
But I don't know why after I said this Jack got anxious, nervous, as if I found something I shouldn't.
He replied, drinking a glass of water, avoiding eye contact, like he was stressed out.
"No no, it's just that the mood suddenly changed from sad and gloomy to action and eventful and my mind was still processing the information you gave me and it's wanting the rest of the story, so."
I started sharing the rest of my story, brushing his weird behavior aside.
My voice again started to flatter.
"It was only a few years back when I found Mr. Lock, he took me, that person genuinely cared for me, but during that time I developed a fear, the warmth I felt from Mr. Lock and his place made me developed a fear, a fear of going outside, I would get scared going outside thinking that I would never be able to feel this safe, this secure, this warmth, his love, it took a while to go back outside but still I have a fear that I won't have a home to go back, thinking that I will have to resume my miserable life as trash and the warmth I cherished also vanished when Mr. Lock died, which made me shut myself off from people. I thought that if I don't make any connections, I won't ever have to feel like that ever."
Jack, who was listening patiently, looked at me with sympathy, there was a slight tear in his eyes which only I could see, and started to speak, with a warm voice.
"I am really sorry Ainmosni, I have been your friend for so long but I only now know about this, I never noticed, you would always smile around me, I am really sorry and it will be alright, you don't need to worry anymore."
When Jack said those words, tears started to fall. They were such simple words but how I have longed to hear those words.
Tears started falling from my eyes, I would wipe them but they kept coming. I really felt embarrassed crying in front of someone and Jack at that, I knew this would become the talk of the collage but to my surprise Jack stood up and hugged me, patting me on the back.
It was a firm and strong hug but it felt really warm, only then did I let it all out.
After a while my tears stopped, Jack broke the hug, we both looked at each other and immediately started to look away, feeling tremendously awkward. We would glance at each other but would look away the next moment, we both then started giggling.
"Alright, it's enough, if we continue like this there will not be a single word spoken again."
"Yeah, you are right."
"And you better not let anyone know about this!"
"Not a soul, I promise!"
"You don't sound convincing one bit!"
ring, ring, Jack phone started to ring.
He picks it up, "hello, yeah, alright I will be there."
ends the call.
"What happened?" I asked
"Sorry, it seems like I will have to go, something came up."
"Oh, no worries go."
Jack starts to walk off while waving goodbye,
when he was about to turn around, I said "And you better not tell anyone about this!"
Jack smirked at me and turned around to go back.
"He definitely is going to tell someone."
After that I paid our bill and also headed home, while walking home I noticed something, that for all that whole moment with Jack, all the things which I have been experiencing vanished, my mind got cleared, the pain which was subtle also disappeared, the voice which I heard also didn't come back, so did the vision, the stress and tension I was feeling also disappeared along with it.
"How is that possible, the things that have been bothering and running my daily life for almost half a week, disappeared just like that, was it because how I laid my feeling on the table getting things out my chest, was it because I was so immersed in the conversation that my mind didn't pay attention to it or was it because I was with jack!"
Instead of focusing on the answer of my problem that Jack gave me, more questions started to pile up, not knowing what it was and how did it happen because as soon as I started to think about this, the pain started to come back, so did the creepy feeling of as if something was lurking around me.
The atmosphere, environment which was making me feel good also changed for me, my vision became narrow, gloominess surrounded me, the setting of sun which made light go away, made me feel even more scared and paranoia, I once again started to fall into despair.
On the night of that specific day was where it all really started, the things that I experienced at night were no mere thoughts nor were they dreams, they were...!
***