"I'm only asking because you've... never done that," she rants on, making it sound like I chose to have an anxiety attack. "You were utterly dumbstruck. I'm just worried. Do you blame me for being worried? You were out there glitching, baby. In front of damn well everyone."
"I know," I snap, struggling to keep my volume down to a non-disrespectful level. Because she will go from sympathetic to whoop-my-ass in a second. "It's fine, everything's fine. I was just a little faint because I didn't eat."
She flares a disbelieving brow. "You really expect me to believe that? I've watched you grind with your father, going hands-on with his campaign before the election, going hours without eating. Whole days between days and you never once wavered. But today you're—," she makes a series of triggering and vexing stuttering sounds, "—spluttering on stage like that. What's going on?"
"Nothing," I say flatly.
"Larry."
"Don't bring him into this," I plead.
Larry meets her gaze in the rear-view mirror fearfully.
"You were watching, right? Have you ever seen my daughter act like that?"
Larry glances at me sideways. "No, ma'am. I didn't see because I was by the car the whole time."
I thank him with a small smile. He sends me a semi-sly look.
"Okay, well, I know what I saw. The entire town saw it and—"
"By the way, Alexia and Kenji are coming over," I interject.
She blares an irritated groan. "What? Again, didn't you just have a movie Monday thing like two days ago?"
"Yeah, that was then. Kenji and I have a lit thing, and Alexia wants to use the Wi-Fi to finish her assignment. So, you see, it's all school-related."
She makes a dismissive sound. "All I know is I'll be cooking for a tribe; those kids eat like hippopotamuses."
I smother a laugh. "No need, we're ordering pizza."
"But don't think you can run from what happened today."
My shoulders slump, releasing a sullen sigh.
"We're going to talk about it, Amara."
¬¬¬
Kenji is nestled on the carpeted floor, resting his back against the flank of my bed.
Alexia is parked behind my desk, using her laptop with a splay of cracks shattered across the screen. I'm reclining on top of my bed, laying on my front side with a pen in my hand, my face hovering above the work book. My phone at the edge's corner.
"Yo nerd." Alexia twists around, her hand white-knuckling on the head of the chair. "I need your help."
"With what?" he asks, still scribbling on his notepad.
"Differential and multivariable calculus."
"Yeah—wait." He perks up. "Did you just admit that you need me?"
"I need your help."
"Even better," he says with a chuckle.
"Okay, Amara. Help me, please."
"You know I suck at math."
Alexia frees a tortured groan. Kenji wags his brows at her impishly.
"Fine. Guess I'm failing this one."
"Not with me around." He lifts himself up to his feet. Socks on the plush carpet mutes his footsteps. Kenji encroaches her. He leans over to place his one hand on the table with the other on the head of the chair.
I try to work through my second draft for our literature essay. Nada.
I stare at the page like it's going to magically fill itself with a literary masterpiece.
The door opens. My mama waddles through holding three boxes of pizza. I scramble up and go to retrieve them from her.
"You guys look like you're working hard in here."
Kenji straightens up, lighting up a smile before he strays from Alexia. "You know how it goes. I gotta to maintain that honor roll."
My screen blinks awake, pinging with several messages.
"I won't stand in your way. Enjoy the edibles."
My eyes inflate and retract at the same second. She leaves and I close the door behind her with my elbow.
"Amara, who's blowing up your phone like you owe them money?"
He goes for my phone. I dash forward to dump the pizza on my bed. I round the foot rapidly, reaching out and ripping my phone from his grasp, faster than he can retaliate.
He lets out a whistle, exposing the palms of his hands. "Damn, chill."
I skim through the texts and it's exactly who I thought it was.
Unsaved number: We still have to have that conversation.
Unsaved number: I'm not going anywhere, little pet.
Unsaved number: No use in running. You tried that before. Now try and face me.
A quavering breath escapes me, and I turn my back on Kenji.
"Amara?"
C (open string)
D (first finger on the A string)
E (second finger on the A string)
G (open string)
I close my eyes for a moment. Assembling my calm, I construct a carefree smile. I swivel back around with a clueless look. "Huh? No, I'm good. Just stuff I forgot I agreed to help my dad with."
He gives me a long, assessing look, watching me like a movie he has seen a thousand times.
"Something ain't right with you."
I shrug it off, ambling toward the pizzas. "Yeah, it's called stress. Can we eat so we can get this essay done?"
Alexia shoots up from her chair, freeing a volatile breath. "At this point, I'm striving for the bare minimum."
She comes over to bed and flips a box open, unleashing a mouth-watering aroma. She peels off a meaty slice that's dripping with a bubbling coat of cheese. She bites into it with a moan, raising it above her head and letting the cheese string spill into her mouth.
Kenji moans insatiably. "You even make eating pizza sexy."
I whack his shoulder before opening the other box. Hawaiian.
His love-struck look sours into instant revulsion. "Pineapple on pizza," he mutters. "Still a crime."
"So is looking the way you do," Alex says to my defense.
The two of them honestly have a love-hate friendship. One moment they're arguing, the next they'll be chatting gleefully, their feud forgotten. Alexia has just finished her third slice. And Kenji is going on his fifth. Whilst they're on the floor, munching away, I'm still struggling to finish my first one. My finger scrolling through the mounting list of unanswered texts.
"Hey."
I look up. Kenji's eyes zero in on me like a homing missile.
"Eat."
My shoulder lifts sluggishly. "Not really hungry."
"You haven't eaten since we got here. So that's the whole day." Fearful anger expels the usual impishness from his tone. "I don't want you relapsing."
I wince, dropping my phone on the ground. "Jeez, I just don't really have an appetite and you leap to the extreme?"
He chucks the crust in the box. "Because you've said stupid lines like this before and the next thing I know, my mom is telling me that you were emitted into the ER."
I hit my head back, knocking the sense of out my head. "That was years ago. Let it go."
A scowl strikes his face. "Why are you so apathetic about things you've gone through like it's nothing? News flash, princess. They're not nothing and bottling up whatever you got going is not healthy."
"Are you done playing shrink?"
"Are you done being an asshole?"
"Whoa." Alexia thumps the back of Kenji's head. Then she points at me accusingly. "You two need a time-out like damn."
Anger stirs in my chest, obliterating what's left of my calm.
Kenji's hand ploughs through his hair, almond-shaped eyes brimming with remorse. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just worried." He sends me this look of profound concern. "You know why. You know what this looks like."
Alexia's eyes bounce between us. "What does it look like?"
"Nothing," I end. "It's nothing. You don't gotta worry because I'm fine. He's just overreacting. I don't feel like eating this once and suddenly I'm over the edge?"
Kenji shoves the pizza box to Alexia's side. "Forget I said anything."
¬¬¬
Saturday.
I sign my name at the register of the orphanage.
"Amara."
Mrs Conners hurries to me, waving fervently. "I need a favor."
I move away from the counter, mending my posture. "Anything."
"Seeing as you're one of the staples around here. I was wondering if you could team up with a new volunteer, show them the ropes, and introduce them to the kids?"
I nod eagerly. "You know I love working with the greenies. Where are they?"
"Derek has the new girl, El. Poor thing is as shy as a mouse," she snickers. "Anyway, I'm still waiting for the new boy, very handsome. I think you'll like him. He's a foreigner."
I choke on my breath. "Foreigner?" I say in a murmuring rush.
On cue, the door swings open and a burly figure eases inside with sure-footed purpose.
"Oh, there he is," Mrs Conners chirps, outstretching an arm to him. "Amara, this is Vanko."
Vanko stalks toward us, his gaze dragging over me like a predator savoring the moment before the kill. "Oh, we've met already."