The Goblin General's massive body stood frozen, his glowing red eyes flickering.
Then—
THUD!
The towering goblin collapsed lifelessly to the ground.
Hazuki, still gripping his sword, pulled it out with a sickening squelch, blood splattering across the dirt.
For a moment, the entire battlefield went silent.
The remaining goblins stared in horror.
Their leader—dead.
Slain in a single strike.
By a laughing lunatic.
Hazuki turned his gaze toward the remaining goblins, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his clothes stained with sweat and blood.
Then—he grinned.
His wide, unhinged grin stretched across his face like a demon who just found his next victims.
His shoulders shook.
And then—
"GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The goblins flinched, stepping backward.
Hazuki stomped forward, swinging his sword to flick off the blood.
"WHAT'S WRONG, YOU GREEN SHITS?!" He spread his arms wide, grinning like a madman. "COME ON! WHO'S NEXT?!"
One goblin rushed at him in desperation—
BIG MISTAKE.
Hazuki sidestepped at the last second, his body moving faster than even he expected.
"TOO SLOW, DUMBASS!"
SLASH!
A clean cut through its torso, sending its lifeless body tumbling to the ground.
Hazuki grinned wider.
His blood was boiling.
His heart was pounding.
His body moved on instinct—and it felt good.
A goblin tried to stab him from behind—
But Hazuki, without looking, spun around and swung his sword at full force.
"DIEEEEEEEE!!!"
SHWACK!
The goblin's head went flying.
Another goblin screamed and lunged at him with a spear.
Hazuki ducked under it and rushed forward.
"GYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Before the goblin could react—
Hazuki grabbed its face—
And slammed it into the ground.
BAM!
The remaining goblins trembled, their legs shaking in fear.
This wasn't a human.
This was a monster.
A crazy, sword-swinging, bloodthirsty monster.
Hazuki licked his lips, swinging his sword onto his shoulder.
"Alright… who's next?"
The goblins dropped their weapons.
Then—
"GIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"
They turned tail and ran, screaming in terror.
Hazuki stood there, panting, watching them flee."Yeah, that's right! RUN, YOU LITTLE SHITS!"
The battlefield fell into silence once more.
Only the sound of Hazuki's heavy breathing remained.
Then—
"…Oi."
Hazuki turned around.
The adventurers and passengers were staring at him.
Their faces pale.
Their eyes wide.
One adventurer whispered. "What… the hell was that?"
Another one gulped. "Crazy Guy actually went full crazy."
Hazuki blinked.
"Huh?"
Why were they looking at him like that?
…
And why did he suddenly feel so damn tired?
Hazuki stumbled slightly, his vision blurring.
His muscles, burning.
His breathing, ragged.
Then—
THUD.
He collapsed onto the dirt.
The last thing he heard before everything went black—
"OI! CRAZY GUY'S DOWN!"
"Uncle! Uncle!"
Ellyn rushed toward Hazuki, shaking his shoulder. "Wake up!"
But—
"Zzzzzzzzz…"
Hazuki?
He was out cold.
But not just unconscious.
No—this bastard was sleeping peacefully.
And worse—
He was smiling.
A big, stupid, happy grin was plastered across his face.
"Hehehe… more… ale… more… big titties…" he mumbled in his sleep.
Ellyn blinked. "Huh?"
The adventurers stared.
The passengers stared.
The merchant whispered. "…Did he just collapse from overwork… and immediately start dreaming about boobs?"
One of the adventurers snorted. "This guy is unbelievable."
Ellyn puffed up her cheeks, annoyed. "Uncle! Wake up!"
She shook him harder.
Hazuki just snored louder. "Mmm… yeah… squeeze 'em… hehehe…"
The adventurers lost it.
"BAHAHAHAHA! HE REALLY JUST FELL ASLEEP LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!"
"THIS GUY ALMOST DIED AND HE'S DREAMING ABOUT WOMEN?!"
"CRAZY GUY, EVERYONE! A TRUE LEGEND!"
Ellyn crossed her arms, pouting. "Mou~! Uncle, wake up already!"
Hazuki rolled onto his side, still grinning. "Zzz… make it two maids… hehehe…"
…
It seemed like no amount of shaking was waking him up tonight.
The crazy warrior of the night was now just a dumb, sleeping idiot.
"OHHHH! TITTIES!"
Hazuki's eyes sparkled as he found himself surrounded—everywhere he looked, bouncy, jiggling perfection.
"WHOA! THAT ONE'S BIG! HEHEHEHE!"
He spun around, his grin widening as a group of curvy, busty women in exotic dresses giggled at him.
"Woooo! NICE ASS!"
A tall, elegant woman walked past, her hips swaying like a goddess.
Hazuki whistled, his eyes practically glued to the sight.
Then, as if fate itself had blessed him—
A breathtakingly gorgeous woman appeared.
Her flowing dress hugged her figure perfectly, her golden hair shimmering like sunlight.
Hazuki stood up dramatically—
From his PILE OF GOLD.
Yes—he was sitting on a literal mountain of money, coins, and treasure.
He spread his arms wide, grinning like a king.
"Oh, hello beautiful! Come here, sunshine~"
The woman smiled seductively and leaned in.
Hazuki felt his heart race.
This…
This was perfection.
But then—
"UNCLE!!"
SPLASH!!!
"GAAAHHHH!!! COLD!! WHAT THE HELL?!"
Hazuki jerked awake, flailing like a drowning fish. "Ugh! What's with the water bucket?!"
Ellyn pouted, arms crossed. "You kept mumbling about titties and ass..."
Hazuki froze. "Eh?! Did I?"
Ellyn nodded seriously. "You were laughing too! Like this—'Hehehe, come here sunshine~'" she mimicked in an exaggerated deep voice.
The adventurers snorted, barely holding in their laughter.
Hazuki felt sweat roll down his neck. "Ugh. You must've misheard."
Ellyn tilted her head. "So you weren't dreaming about big boobs and butts?"
Hazuki looked away. "Of course not!"
Ellyn squinted. "Then what were you dreaming about?"
"Uh… uhh… training! Yeah, training!"
Ellyn gasped. "So you train by grabbing boobs?!"
Hazuki choked. "WHAT?! NO!!!"
The adventurers exploded into laughter.
"BAHAHAHAHA! SHITMAN'S SECRET TRAINING STYLE—TITTY ARTS!"
"NO WONDER HE FOUGHT LIKE A BEAST LAST NIGHT! HE WAS MOTIVATED BY BOOBS!"
"THE SECRET TO STRENGTH—BIG TITTIES!"
Hazuki buried his face in his hands. "I swear to the gods, I'm going to die from embarrassment before I die in battle…"
Ellyn grinned mischievously. "Uncle, do you like big or small?"
Hazuki glared. "Oi. Stop asking dangerous questions."
Ellyn leaned closer. "What about butts? Round or—"
"ENOUGH!" Hazuki stood up and stomped away.
Ellyn giggled, skipping behind him. "Uncle, answer me~."
Hazuki walked faster. "Shoo, shoo. Leave me alone."
Ellyn kept up easily. "Uncle, do you like it big?"
Hazuki stumbled slightly. "Ugh! This girl…!"
She puffed her cheeks. "Tell me, Uncle!"
Hazuki rubbed his temples. "Why do you even want to know?!"
Ellyn grinned. "Hmm? Well, when I turn into an adult, I'm going to be like Mama!"
Then she suddenly gestured toward her chest, cupping her hands in the air.
"Look! Just like hers!"
"EEEHHHHH!?"
Hazuki choked on air.
His soul nearly left his body.
The adventurers, who were packing up, overheard and immediately collapsed in laughter.
"PFFFT—!!!"
"SHE REALLY SAID IT!!!"
"CRAZY GUY, YOU'RE SCREWED!!!"
Hazuki turned red. "OI! WHO TAUGHT YOU TO SAY STUFF LIKE THAT?!"
Ellyn tilted her head. "Huh? I just noticed! Mama is pretty, so when I grow up, I'll be pretty too, right?"
Hazuki felt a migraine coming. "I—THAT'S—YOU—"
The merchant wiped tears from his eyes. "This is the funniest morning I've had in years."
Meanwhile, Hazuki looked up at the sky.
( End of Chapter )