I bite my lips as I see Miss Shizune lock herself in the room.
"What kind of templar am I if I let the saint run into danger..." I say to myself in a self-deprecating way as I think about what Miss Shizune said.
'Am I really wrong...are the church's teachings outdated? Goddess Solaris has forgiven our sins, so shouldn't we do the same? Was that what Miss Shizune was trying to say?' I ask myself as I head to the training area.
I planned to read the Bible to Miss Shizune at night, but she locked herself in the room.
The fear Miss Shizune felt was obvious, but even so, she defended that witch with such conviction her kindness is unmatched.
'Is it really wrong to kill the witches...have I been living wrong all this time...' This makes me question whether the thousands of heretics, witches, and the corrupt that I executed were really bad.
Normally I would say that Miss Shizune is just being too innocent and pure and doesn't understand evil since she hasn't witnessed it, I wish I could say she's just being too innocent, but the conviction and courage with which she said she's just a human like the witch has made me see it differently.
Seeing her protecting someone who tried to kill her with so much bravery really makes me question myself.
It makes me wonder if my hands are stained with innocent blood, I would never kill Miss Shizune, but I would execute any witch without giving them a chance.
However, what really differentiates the two, one is a pure and kind saint, and the other is a vile witch who spreads evil, but they are both fundamentally human, so why can't I forgive the witch and give her a second chance?
Taking the life of one without letting them defend or explain themselves isn't that just pure prejudice? In the end, I'm just killing people who often don't even have a reason to be executed.
'The sacred scriptures say to forgive your neighbor...have we misinterpreted our goddess? Are we following the wrong path?' The saints arise to guide the people on the right path.
If Miss Shizune thinks we should give heretics another chance to redeem themselves, then that is the right path.
When I arrive at the training ground, I see my older brother Yurian, he looks a lot like me, the biggest difference being his green eyes and that he's a little shorter than me.
"Good evening, older brother..." I say not too happily, I can't say I like him, he took my position unfairly, he didn't even have the right to challenge me to a duel for the post, given that my brother had no position within the church.
But even so, the church accepted it because of my family's many donations, and Yurian even cheated in the fight using artifacts and poison on his weapon, and the church instead of stopping the fight and declaring my victory, allowed and even validated the result.
And it's because of him that Miss Shizune doesn't have an adequate number of guards, as soon as he found out that I was one of Miss Shizune's guards, he did everything he could to make me the only one taking care of her.
So any blame for something happening to her will fall on me.
"Good evening, brother. I heard they tried to kill the saint, good thing you were able to protect her despite your weak skills," he says arrogantly and presumptuously.
'...Was it him?...Shizune was right...that woman wasn't a witch...' I know my brother well, just seeing his smile tells me he had something to do with that woman trying to kill Miss Shizune.
That woman really didn't seem well, she didn't have any real skills and couldn't even hide the knife, and her hands were shaking, which is not the case with trained assassins.
And her murderous intent was low for an assassin who is used to it, in other words, maybe what Miss Shizune said was right, she must have been threatened, in the end, she was just a common civilian.
After all, Yurian wouldn't try to kill the saint for real, that would cause problems not just for me but for the entire church, he knew I could defend her, so he used a civilian who had no skills.
'I can't believe this...I put Miss Shizune in danger...' I bite my lips with anger, because of my fault, Miss Shizune got involved in this stupid family feud.
And I don't even have proof that it was Yurian, that's why he has that smug smile, just barely nothing really bad happened.
"Yes, it's a good thing I was able to protect the saint, but of course a mere cunning rat like you could never harm her as long as I'm the one taking care of her," I say to him, making it clear that I know he's the culprit.
He gets annoyed with me calling him a rat, but doesn't say anything, he puts the sword on the wooden stand and leaves, but not before saying something to me.
"Be careful, brother, after all, if something happens to the saint, the blame is on you...I'd hate to see you getting in trouble....and I'd hate for the saint to get hurt, I've heard she's beautiful, a real surprise given that she's just a peasant," he says arrogantly.
"Yurian, if you touch Miss Shizune, I'll kill you," and Yurian trembles a bit, but then leaves, ignoring my threat.
"I'm sorry, Miss Shizune...I've put you in more danger..." I say to the empty air, I'm angry at my brother who does everything to harm me, and because of me, the saint is in danger.
'Why does the church allow this...why do they let this guy do whatever he wants....' I know the answer, I just don't want to admit it, even though I'm a noble, my dream has always been to be a templar and be more connected to Goddess Solaris.
However, the arrival of Miss Shizune, even for a short time, made me face a reality that I had tried with all my might to deny, the reality that the church is not really that fair.
The reality that corruption affects this sacred place, and even worse, the reality that I have shed innocent blood because of my own foolishness.
I kneel to pray to Goddess Solaris.
"Goddess Solaris, please guide this lost son to the right path, show me the light I must follow, and show me how I can change this unjust world and cleanse the blood that now stains my soul"
"Forgive my sins and guide these souls to a better place, forgive my foolishness that blinded me and forgive my cowardice in ignoring the evil around me, please Goddess Solaris, give me the strength to protect Miss Shizune."
After this brief prayer, I get up and grab one of the training swords to practice, I may not have spent much time with Miss Shizune, but her kindness and courage inspire me.
She is the ideal I once aspired to in the past, someone kind and courageous, someone who sees beyond good and evil, who sees beyond positions and titles.
She is right in the end, we are all human and making mistakes is common, what really matters is not never making mistakes, but correcting them.
'I will pay for my sin of taking innocent lives in the midst of ignorance by changing the world, I must start by cleansing the corruption of the church...I need allies so that we can make the world a fairer place.'
'I will no longer let my vision be obscured by illusion, from today on I will faithfully follow the ideal that Miss Shizune presented to me.'
"Goddess Solaris, I thank you for guiding your son on the right path, may your grace bathe the world in light for eternity," I say as I begin to train with the sword and think about who I should talk to.
And how to present my ideas to Miss Shizune, I'm sure she will approve of my new ideal, I know that together we can make this world a fairer place.
I will never again deliberately close my eyes, I will no longer ignore the obvious, the church is not fair and as a faithful templar I must make this sacred place sacred again.
With each sword strike in the air, I reinforce my determination.
'I must do everything first and then tell Miss Shizune...I don't want to worry her, I first need to talk to my colleagues on the inquisitor team...' although only 2 of them would really be willing to help.
So it will just be the 3 of us, but when everything is ready, I will inform Miss Shizune, I'm sure with her help we can change the church.
'I need to get proof of who the corrupt in the church are...' I have a lot to thank Miss Shizune for, she made me open my eyes to my own ignorance.
Many say that ignorance is a blessing, but not always, if I hadn't been deliberately ignorant, the church could already be different.
'Tomorrow I will start to act after helping Miss Shizune' I think about tomorrow, Miss Shizune should go meet the Pope, I hope everything goes well.