The next morning I woke up late.
Typical.
Not late, late. Just late enough that I had to hurry through a shower, throw my clothes on, and worry about the rest in the car on the way to work.
As I weaved through traffic, I peaked at my phone. There were two notifications that almost caused me to hit the ugly silver Prius to the left of me. After I swerved back into my lane, I had to rub my eyes to make sure they were working correctly. There was no way. Excitement filled every fiber of my being.
Facebook messenger said I had two unread messages from…him.
I eagerly opened the chat thread and saw:
Mazen: cold feet
Mazen: ?
Bingo. Green light. Ready, set, fucking go!
If he had said, what did you unsend? A question mark, a noncommittal remark, or something else unmemorable; I wouldn't have taken it the way I've taken what he actually sent. "Cold feet" was a saying people related to backing out of a marriage whilst still engaged. After our conversation the previous night about marriage, open relationships, and sister wives…I couldn't help but pick up on the irony in his choice of words. Maybe this wasn't his intention, but his intention wasn't important to me at that moment.
All bets were off now. I'm coming at him full force. If he doesn't want it, he can tell me that. But he and I both knew his message symbolized the opening of a door. If he didn't want it opened, he shouldn't have said anything at all--effectively keeping it shut. He should have let my unsent messages remain a mystery.
My intention? Make it extremely difficult to close said door.
I sent two messages in response. Shit eating grin on my face the entire time I typed.
Kymberli: Damn 😅 I thought I'd get away with that
Kymberli: I didn't know how you woulda taken my 2am text…so I panicked a lil lol
I was still gonna go at him full force…but I wanted to ease my way into it. Play it cool. Be mysterious and shit.
And he was the boss's son after all, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable to the point I lose my fucking job. Or tell Miley her coworker was making passes at him.
I checked my phone a few minutes later.
Mazen: If I would've seen you'd know how I'd take it lol. What'd you want to say ? 😏
That smirky emoji…he's toying with me. He must feel the tension too. He must feel the magnetic energy that surrounds us. He's not exactly not being flirtatious. Do I really have a chance at bedding the man who stars in my nasty, movie(porn)-like fantasies?
The thought made my body crave his. I was dripping for him already, just after a few short messages. Jesus, I was a mess.
Kymberli: Oh you know…just the typical honorable/virginal thoughts one tends to get at that time of night 😏
I was teasing him but it was true, considering what I was actually going to send him.
But he doesn't know that.
An hour went by with no response.
I wasn't giving up that easily. I had quite a few tables at this point, but my focus was fully on the secret messenger conversation. Not at all on dining 12 needing a warm up, where it should have been.
My focus was fully on him.
Fuck it. I messaged again.
Kymberli: Okay I'm lying obviously. I don't wanna overstep 😅
I backed out of teasing him. Maybe he doesn't like that in a woman?
His response was instant. Similar to a cup of easy mac in the microwave, I quickly turned to mush.
Mazen: I don't believe you
Mazen: Don't be coy now
Mazen: Already lying….psh.
His words made me all tingly inside. I mentally added, "great banter" to the ever growing list of desirable personality traits he harbored.
Kymberli: You're trouble on so many levels
I briefly hesitated before typing out the next message. There would be no going back after sending it…but I didn't want to go back. I've spent an entire year being affected by his presence. An entire year fantasizing about him. This seemed like my only opportunity to make the extent of my desire known. If I chicken out now, I doubt he'd ever give me the time of day again. The combination of acknowledging this, and the fact that, thus far, his responses seemed somewhat encouraging…lead me to typing furiously and hitting send before I could think too much about it.
Kymberli: Remember how I said I can't turn my brain off at night? & how sometimes it's because I'm fixated on something?
Like Dr. Evil, I was shaking in my goddamn space boots until I got his reply. Not in fear though, in anticipation.
Mazen: Yes
Mazen: I remember
I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing…
Kymberli: You might be one of those things 😅
Kymberli: I've got a pretty wild imagination
My stomach had something similar to butterflies, but way more intense. Butterflies flutter, and that's not at all how I'd describe what they were doing inside my tummy. The feeling was more like bees swarming, a reaction to sensing a threat. He was giving me straight hornets. He was more than trouble. He was dangerous. What we were doing was a danger to my job, my relationship, my heart…not to mention his relationship too. This was all bad. However, the threat didn't scare me away. Instead, the impending disaster excited me in ways I've never known.
Besides, I've been stung by bees before, it's not that bad after you get the stinger out…
I was texting at the computer in the serving station. A shitty cover, but Zac and I were the only servers on so I wasn't worried about anyone seeing.
Right as I sent the last message, Jeanette, my favorite pull tab girl, walked up to the bar requesting a ginger beer for none other than the recipient of my confession (more like the leading role in my obsession).
Holy shit, he's here? I thought, as my stomach abruptly dropped into my ass.
I used filling up a few sauce ramekins as a reason to take a peek through the windows on the double doors. They served as an employee-only passageway from the dining room to pull tabs.
There. Games 5. I bit my lip. Why did he always have to look so good? Today he sported a white beany. I have always had a thing for guys in beanies, but on him…it turned what is usually a mild liking, into a full blown kink. The way it sat upon his beautiful curls brought proverbial tears to my eyes. I couldn't see the rest of him very well from here without giving myself a headache from squinting super hard--fucking astigmatism bullshit--but I think he paired it with an olive green bomber type jacket. His style was another thing that set him apart from other men. Even my brother could tell you how much I appreciate a well dressed man. I typically only date guys who know how to dress themselves. I want to feel proud of my partner, I want our styles to compliment one another. This is something Hunter only achieved when I picked his clothes out at the store for him. It never failed to piss me off each time he ruined them with motor oil or whatever the fuck else ruined all his clothes. I gave up on trying to improve his wardrobe after he destroyed two pairs of expensive jeans I bought him for his birthday last year.
I quickly pulled my phone out to send another message. Five minutes had gone by but I didn't immediately feel some type of way about not getting a response. I could literally see him on his MacBook (of course Mr. Bougie had a mac, it made me miss mine), most likely doing what I should have been doing--working.
Kymberli: Didn't realize you been here the whole time 😳
Six painstakingly slow minutes went by before he blessed me with another response.
Mazen: Not awake yet huh? 😏
He then responded directly to my prior message.
Mazen: "Might" lol
Mazen: That must be conflicting
Now who was being coy? He was doing a great job at not saying too much. He was clearly more intelligent than I was. All I can say is that the possibility of sleeping with him possessed me like a dark entity, and forced me to continue the word vomit that was my need for him…via facebook messenger. Such romance living in this day and age offers.
Kymberli: Not yet. Had a lot on my mind last night 😅
Kymberli:I've been fantasizing about you since I started working here. Is that direct enough for you?
I got nervous again so I quickly sent another message. I figured it would lighten the mood and not make him feel as on the spot.
Kymberli: Just as friends tho…Friendly fantasies 😅 strictly platonic and respectful 🙅🏽♀️
Luckily I only had to wait a minute for him to get back to me this time. If he took too long to respond to that, I most definitely would have gotten "cold feet" again and unsent the previous two messages.
Mazen: I've known
Mazen: Right of course 👌
I was beginning to feel like maybe he didn't have any interest in me after all. Or if he did, I was ruining it by being too forward. Fuck my life. I took about 7 minutes to respond because I was contemplating what to say. I didn't want to come across as desperate, and I didn't want to push my luck too far. I could have just not responded…but that didn't feel right either. I'd compare it to caring for a planted seed and watching it sprout, only to neglect it; causing it to die before it had a chance to reach maturity.
Kymberli: Is it that obvious?
At some point, I had to run beers to games 7. Zac was busy and I didn't want to keep our favorite regulars waiting. As much as I wanted to hide on the opposite end of the bar, I had a job to do. Time to be a big girl. If you can message him, you can look him in the eye. I took a deep breath and made my way back there. After dropping the beers, I attempted to breeze right by him on my walk back to the dining room. Just pretend like I couldn't see him, which was dumb because I already ratted myself out in our messages. I wasn't going to check on him because he wasn't technically my table, but when he looked at me I recognized the look. It was the look customers give their servers when they want something. I forced my feet to stop. I was awkwardly far from his table, but I refused to come closer. I couldn't handle it. I was equal parts embarrassed, ashamed, and nervous. Nervous was definitely the heaviest of the three pours.
"Are you doing okay?" I managed. My voice was a dead give away of how nervous I was, as if my distance from him wasn't telling enough.
"I'll take another one of these." The tip of his finger landed on his empty ginger beer. I was beyond flustered. The motion made me think of where I wanted that finger instead. If I was a white girl, I for sure would have been beet fucking red.
"K." I choked out with too many nods of my head.
God, he probably thought I was a walking trainwreck. Or maybe just an awkward server. I was not, in the slightest. My interpersonal skills were exceptional. My speed and constant mental que provided the ability to give great service.
But when I was around him, it might as well be my first day.
Not even my first day at TG. My first day in the industry in general.
I mentally face palmed as I approached the bar to ask Sarah for another ginger beer.
I couldn't bring myself to face him again, so I asked Zac to run it.
I could tell he thought I was being weird, so when he returned I said, "Thanks man. Sorry, serving Denise, Chuck, or Mazen is just too nerve wracking for me."
He rolled his eyes in response, a part of me felt like he wasn't buying it.
"Seriously bro…like, when I'm around them I suddenly don't know what to do with my hands." I feigned a look of pure distraught while I did some weird shit with my arms.
He laughed and shook his head as he walked away with drinks for another table.
I took a deep breath, thinking I really needed to work on playing it cool if I was gonna continue down this path…
After that, I got a little bogged down with tables so I didn't check my phone for about 20 minutes. When I did, his response intensified my curiosity. Made me want to continue this conversation that should have been prohibited.
Mazen: No, but you can't hide anything from me
How could one be mysterious even through messaging? He really was one of the most fascinating people I've encountered in my life. As much as I yearned to ask for more details, and push him for more information, I chose to give him an out instead. Our first couple exchanges seemed to match energy, but the more I confessed…the less he gave me in return. I didn't think he was feeling it the way I was. Or maybe my directness was a turn off. Either way, I was not the kind of person to make continuous passes if I didn't suspect my target was being receptive to them.
I quickly typed a reply that I felt would give him the out, but also left the door a little cracked in case he wanted to give me more.
Kymberli: Haha. That's right. Guess I forgot who I was talking to for a second.
..well..I'm done with confessions pt 3. I'll be good. Just don't gimme that look anymore, it's not fair.
My usher joke served a couple different purposes. 1. It showcased my sense of humor. 2. I was trying to highlight the fact that these were, indeed, confessions. Not just fleeting thoughts birthed from spontaneous, meaningless flirtation. 3. It lightened the mood after the heavy implications I thrust upon him. Adding the part about him "giving me that look" was my last minute effort to leave the door cracked open.
If he noticed, he chose to not renter. He left it as it was, and did not respond. The lack of response felt like rejection. The sting of it accompanied me for the rest of the day, like an annoying little sister following her big brother around, mocking and pestering.
Oh well, at least I tried. I thought to myself in disdain.
It was probably for the best anyways, neither of us had any business sending flirty messages to anyone besides our significant others.
I was not a cheater. I did not condone cheating. I only made a small exception because the man was literally who I fantasized about on a weekly basis. If I hadn't, I would have regretted it. And as I've previously stated, I was extremely unhappy in my relationship and had checked out months ago.
Regardless, though, it was still wrong.
I didn't feel guilty for it in the slightest, but I should have and I knew it. I guess that's what happens when you "forgive" your partner for cheating, and end up facing the possibility of cheating on them yourself.
It is extremely hard to be a good person and feel something like guilt for betraying what they have already betrayed. If our relationship didn't stop him from sticking his dick in random whores, why should it stop me from pursuing the man of my dreams? The one who I always thought of as unattainable? If there was a chance, I owed it to myself to take it. He was truly the holy grail of men, and I guess you can call me Monty Python…because I was dying to explore the labyrinth of not only his body, but his mind too.
I guess exploration would have to wait for now, though. I was definitely not texting him first again. If he wanted me, or wanted to continue this illicit exchange, he knew how to reach me.
Until then, in my fantasies he would remain.
How mean was it to dangle a steak in front of a starving woman?
A thick, juicy, perfectly seasoned and cooked one, at that.
____________________________________________
A week flew by extremely fast. The sting of rejection only haunted me that one day. I shook off the need to know him. It was wrong anyways, and I needed to keep my focus at home. At some point during the week I told Hunter how unhappy I was. He promised he'd put more effort into getting sober and spending more quality time together.
I knew his promises never meant shit, but it was all I could grasp onto. I had to believe he was capable of changing. Otherwise, I'd be forced to throw away little more than two years of history. I'd be forced to move into the spare bedroom, and turn our glorified roommate situation into reality, sans glory.
It was once again open mic night, of course I was affected by his presence…but I pretended not to be. He's the one that stopped responding to me. He knew if he had, I'd be wrapped around his skillful little finger by now. It was slow, I was the last off server, bound to be let off soon. So I took a smoke break after getting my side work done. I pulled out my phone and was momentarily stunned by the notification wedged between a few texts and emails.
There he was, present in my messenger at 10:31…
Mazen: That usher reference though
Ahhh so he has been thinking of me? Or maybe seeing me here just reminded him of our short virtual affair?
Kymberli: Lmfao 😂
Kymberli: You're a lil late bud
There was no mistaking the bitterness behind my words.
Mazen: I got busy shrug 🤷 and you said you'd be good so I knew it was getting boring 😏
Mazen: Lol
Wow…that was perhaps the most flirty message he's sent thus far. Hope sparked within me like a severed power line. I could almost hear the electricity humming through my body.
Kymberli: Definitely had much more to say but I got scared 😅
He opened my message, but an hour & a half later still no reply. I felt like he was playing with my emotions. I didn't care how my follow up message made me sound, he started it.
Kymberli: Leaving me on read only makes me want it more 🤷🏽♀️ nighty night M
I wasn't completely sure what compelled me to nickname him with just the first initial of his name—at least not at first. The meaning behind it was something I'd build over time. But it seemed flirty and fitting in the moment, so I went with it. Plus, something about typing only the first initial made me feel a bit removed. Like typing out Mazen was glaringly obvious I was texting my boss's taken son…but M? M was my flirty crush open to getting to know me through a series of virtual exchanges. M wasn't nearly as intimidating. M, I could be myself with.
I sighed and went back to working on redoing my moms old hope chest. The only reason I was working on this instead of the painting of a snake plant for my dad…was because Hunter really started making me feel broke and inadequate. Like whenever I was low on funds, all of a sudden I didn't contribute enough. All of a sudden, I'm a piece of shit. Even though all of our expenses are split 50/50.
"Do shit that makes you money, your hobbies are a waste of time." He actually said that to me.
"Life isn't just about making money, Hunter. It's okay to live in between slaving away for a piece of paper." I spitefully reasoned. "I won't let you make me feel bad for trying to enjoy life."
The conversation replayed in my head until I felt my phone vibrate.
Mazen: You still up waiting for my response ? Lol
Mazen: You got outta here pretty quick.. get in to much trouble last time ? 😈
His reply effectively erased the ill feelings I held towards Hunter. Why bother with the opinion of sheep, when a lion is rubbing himself against my legs as if he were a loudly purring house cat?
My response came quickly. I wasn't even trying to pretend like I wasn't eagerly awaiting his response.
Kymberli: I'm up for reasons non-you related…but I may have been checking my notifications here and there…
Kymberli: Lol I actually did end up sleeping alone that night 😂
but tonight I just didn't think I could refrain from doing something about this…situation
I lied. I didn't want to admit that Hunter was using my car and was there to pick me up. Otherwise, I would have stayed to watch the performances and attempted another Monday night hang.
He responded with a GIF. A girl eating chips, sporting an exaggerated dubious expression. Captioned, "UH HUH."
Fucker. Toying with me seemed to be his new favorite hobby. I liked it though. Our sense of humor was similar. Remember the list of desirable traits I was talking about?
His sense of humor was definitely in the top five.
Another flirty message followed.
Mazen: Idk what situation you're talking about … your friendly fantasies ? 😁
Oh, I'm really sure. I decided to send a picture of the halfway sanded hope chest I was working on restoring. To prove I wasn't as pathetic as he might think. Staying up…waiting for his reply…psh. Yeah, right. I was genuinely working on a project.
Okay, fine.
I guess I was doing both.
I've always been an excellent multitasker.
Kymberli: Fuck you I'm sanding furniture lol
Kymberli: Look, I ain't saying shit else until I get some reassurance this shit isn't one sided
That was fair, right? He might be a bit more flirty this time around, but he hasn't actually told me how he feels about the things I've said. Or if he thinks about me in even a fraction of the way I've thought about him.
He's made zero Confessions…so I'm gonna have to Let it Burn until he tells me he's trying to Make Love in this Club…
God, I'm making myself sick with the usher crap. I thought as I popped in my headphones and played "You Make Me Wanna…"
I listened to damn near every single one of Usher's greatest hits and got a third of the way through sanding down the remaining pesky stain of the chest, and still no reply…I was annoyingly impatient for his attention.
Hunter was starting to bitch at me for having my headphones in.
"Leave me alone, I'm just listening to music. I'm done listening to Ryan Upchurch every single night, if you want to watch a YouTube video or something I'll take them out." I said to him with more anger than was necessary. I am just so sick of somebody controlling everything I do, down to the music I listen to.
I shook off the negativity that was my reality and went to message him again. I decided on a gif instead. It was the actor portraying Pablo Escobar in "Narcos," sitting in different locations and staring off into the distance. The caption read, "Waiting on that text like."
It was more than fitting.
He reacted to it with the skull emoji.
Mazen: I feel like sanding furniture is code for something
Mazen: But
Mazen: I understand.. I shouldn't tease you. This is fun and admittedly extremely tempting
Kymberli: Lol well I am sanding until I see raw wood 😏
Kymberli: Soooo am I making up the sexual tension?
I couldn't help but make, both, the sexual joke and the request for validation. If nothing else, I had to know he felt it too.
Mazen: Not one bit
Mazen: I'm just trying to be good lol
His response flooded me with relief and hunger. I knew if we lived with different circumstances, we'd most likely be using our fingers for purposes more intimate than messaging right now.
As my mind started to drift, he sent an image. It served to reinforce my current thoughts.
It was the perfect image to describe our situation. A priest praying to our Heavenly Father, for what is obviously strength as a nun accompanies the foreground, exposing herself. Well, her ass specifically. She's bent over and looking back at him with a devilish smile.
How ironic.
How fitting.
Damn, this was getting hot. What am I getting myself into?
I heart reacted the image before I responded.
Alright, he's finally admitted it. I'm not alone in this. Time to turn up the heat a little. Let's get a sear going on this bitch.
Kymberli: You have no idea all the things I woulda done to you by now..if I could
I wasn't sure how he'd respond, so I added:
Kymberli: Thinking about you is like reading one of those forbidden fruit novels 🥵🥵
I didn't want him to ask me, "like what?" As most men would. I didn't want to sext, not yet. I'm too nervous to say things I actually want to when I sext a guy I am not comfortable with. Also, it's true. The whole boss's son/taken man thing is definitely a great plot for a novel (😜).
I began typing another message, but it sounded too forward. I erased it. Another idea came to mind, but I backed out of that too. Just as I deleted my words again, Mazen responded.
Mazen: I've seen those bubble for awhile
Mazen: You either writing or novel or got cold feet again 😂
(Psh. Me? Writing a novel? 😉)
Bless him for calming my anxiety. It really sucked this whole thing was "wrong," because he was so easy to talk to. Even through a conversation like this, he alievated my stress like he was born to do just that.
Kymberli: Lmao. Yeah I've typed out and deleted like five different messages at this point 😂
Mazen: Oh yeah.. no teasing
Au contraire, my friend. It is you who is the tease.
My response wrote itself. I just spoke the truth.
Kymberli: Torn between wanting to let you be good & tempting you even more. Fml.
I'm not a bad person, and I don't want to be a homewrecker…but fuck did I have an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulders battling to guide my will.
He has been typing forever, and I was growing impatient.
Kymberli: You're doing it now lol
Mazen: Yeah I wanted to see how long it took for you to say something.. 😂
If that's true, I gotta give it to him. He's pretty damn funny. But I can't help but think he's stalling something…
Kymberli: Lmao games
I sent a gif of Stephen Colburn (or whatever his name is) eating popcorn anxiously.
The bubble remained frustratingly bouncy next to his little picture. I waited awhile, but still nothing.
Kymberli: You're killing me. Are you actually typing or fucking with me still 😂
Mazen: Alright, you need to go to bed soon so you don't get in more trouble 😉
So I'll be honest. Though it's probably not what you would like to hear.
Oh fuck. Here it is. I knew he was stalling. He's gonna shut this down before it's even gotten fun.
Kymberli: Okay …. 🙉
Kymberli: ???
My emoji was cute, but my question marks gave away my anxiety. I really didn't want this—whatever this is—to end.
Mazen: This tension is real and extremely tempting, damn near addicting. However I know myself. I cannot break my own morals.
If my relationship status were to change, you will know. Until then I can't.
I smiled to myself. This man is truly special. Even though he's ending this, my heart filled with warmth at his words. A sex god…with morals? Where the fuck can I find another him?
My response was genuine. He should know I admire his decision.
Kymberli: Tbh that's exactly what I wanted to hear. Means you're the guy I think you are. it's the same for me. I've never cheated and even though my guy is a pos, it's just not me. No matter how ridiculously sexy you are. Sigh.
I added one more message for clarification. I didn't see why we couldn't be friends, but maybe he thought it was best to keep our distance.
Kymberli: So no more sneaky messages or Monday night hangs then?
Once I sent the message I felt sad. I was really enjoying getting to know him. I didn't want to stop…just then an idea struck me. Thank you Shawnia.
Kymberli: Sure you don't wanna see titties? Maybe just one?
Kymberli: Jkjk 😭😂
I sent right after, just in case this upset him after he pretty much told me to keep my dirty thoughts to myself.
His responses had me smiling and wet in an instant.
Mazen: FUCK
Mazen: Of course I want to 🥵
Mazen:… fuckin morals
His last message made it clear that even though he wanted it, and the idea turned him on, he wasn't going to ask.
Another challenge accepted.
Kymberli: I mean…accidental nudes happen…I almost sent Mia one once
Kymberli: Lmao I'm playin
I really gotta stop being such a pussy and commit to my forwardness. I just love having the option of "I was kidding," to fall back on.
Kymberli: 👀
I sent the eyes as a way to say, "or am I?"
Mazen: Im not on a leash we can have Monday night hangs, though I'm not certain you could handle that lol
He finally answered my earlier question. Seemingly coming out of the boob talk distraction.
He then added:
Mazen: I heard they were nice
Mazen: Titties. I mean
Okay, maybe he isn't as out of the distraction as I thought.
Kymberli: I enjoy talking to you as much as I enjoy thinking about fucking you. Just couldn't handle it tonight after the singing and guitar playing 🫠 had to change panties after that 😭
It's true because I do change clothes, including panties, when I get home from work every night. And watching his fingers pluck his guitar effortlessly, as he sang back up…definitely left my panties soaked.
I didn't waste time asking about who he heard it from, as I already knew. I went with teasing instead.
Kymberli: Idk 😏 they might be
Mazen: I feel like those emoji eyes are equivalent to the same look I gave you by pull tabs.
It's true, he did give me that look earlier. Although, I'm not quite sure what context it was meant. Was he checking me out? Or was all my staring spooking him? Did he feel my eyes on him?
Kymberli: Precisely
Kymberli: 😏 this is the one I was giving you from behind the bar.
That was true too. At one point he leaned up against dining 16 or 11, and I couldn't help but openly check him out as he watched whoever was performing. Just as I was about to sigh longingly and walk away to carry on with my business, he looked over and caught me.
Normally, I'd quickly look away. But all I did was mirror his sexy smirk, absolutely 0 shame on me. I didn't move until he did. And even then, I lingered there to watch his mouth watering frame walk away.
God, I really do have it bad for this one.
What the fuck am I doing?
Kymberli: This is wackkkkk. Lemme send you one titty for the road
The reverie renewed my self confidence. If this was gonna end, I wanted it to end with him wanting me.
Mazen😶🌫️
The emoji was all he said back. Oh no. I'm not 100% sure what he means by that but I don't think it's good. I quickly added:
Kymberli: Nope nah nvm. I'm sorry. I'm just horny. Go be good, I'll do the same.
Mazen: 😂😂😂
Mazen: This is ridiculous
Oh thank god he's amused. It really was ridiculous. I feel like I'm in high school again about to send my first nude.
Kymberli: I can't think straight rn 😭😭
Kymberli: It really is. Like I've never ever asked to send someone anything. Especially not one fucking titty. Wtf is going on 😂
I sent a gif of a guy saying I shall bid adieu to you!
My attempt at stopping myself from what I was about to do. Right after I began scrolling for the last nudes I took.
Mazen: This is the most sexual tension you can feel without actually seeing or doing anything yet
God he was right. It's fucking consuming. I been hiding in the bathroom for 30 minutes because I don't want to put my phone down and Hunter would definitely question who I was talking to.
I found a cluster of photos of my tits, and one mirror selfie of me in only a thong and an unzipped shirt. One boob sticking out like a happy accident.
Kymberli: Does it really count tho if it's just one? 🤔
Kymberli: I know 😭😭 it's driving me crazy
Mazen: Accidents happen
Mazen: 😂
Kymberli: I'll stop. This shit is my fault. I've just never been so affected by someone before..it's like a moth to a flame 🔥
Kymberli: You always have me all nervous, droppin bacon n shit UGH 😂
I was ranting when I realized what he had said.
Kymberli: Ohhhhhh shitttt
Kymberli: It'll make it worse tho
Mazen: Is that the typical girls "I never do this usually" ?
Mazen: Trying to hype me up and tempt me ?
Mazen: Yeah that shit is cute when your nervous
Kymberli: Lol it might be the typical girl bs but it's true, I DONT. Never once been so attracted to someone else's man 😭
Kymberli: I'm glad you find it cute because that shit be embarrassing as hell. Feel like I have 0 brain cells when you're around
Kymberli: Anyways to send titty or to not send titty. That is the question.
Kymberli: Hmm
Fuck it.
If I was gonna fight, I was gonna fight dirty. I went to click the picture of me in the mirror. But instead I accidentally hit the one next to it. A closeup view of both girls as I lay down on my bed. My tube top is pulled down so it helped make them appear more perky.
Kymberli: oops
I didn't mean to send that, but at least it was a good picture.
I sent the mirror picture I originally intended. And proceeded to explain.
Kymberli: I meant to send the second
Kymberli: 😭😭😭
Kymberli: One titty
I was panic messaging at this point. Spamming so words replaced my tits on my phone screen. Not like he can't just scroll up, but still, it helped the nerves some.
Kymberli: Sorry
Kymberli: Ok bye 😭
I was honestly about to close out of the app, but stopped when I saw the bubbles.
Mazen: 🤔💭 if I don't respond and she send my conscious is clear
Mazen: That's what I was about to send before I got them 😁
Kymberli: Lmfao
Kymberli: I'm sorry. If we're gonna be good I had to get that off my chest
Kymberli: Hahaha 😏 like what I did there?
He sent a gif of a dude that looks retarded, eyes crossed captioned "ah yes i see now"
Kymberli: Okay that's it fr fr. I will never intentionally flirt or force my titties upon you ever again
Kymberli: I can't believe I did that 🫣 I'm never gonna be able to look you in eyes again.
Kymberli: Do you like them tho..?😏
I was seriously panic spamming him now. But I couldn't stop. Doing it was ballsy, but I probably shouldn't have done it. I let the need for him cloud my judgment. He's my bosses fucking son. In a serious relationship with my coworker. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Mazen: I'm honestly kind shocked you did lol
Kymberli: Don't answer, I'm sorry I'll stop. I must be having a stroke or something
Mazen: They are great 👌
Mazen: Top Tier Titties
Mazen: Lol
Kymberli: I'm dead 😭
Kymberli: Can I see yours?
Mazen: Nah I don't do that sorry 😞
Mazen: If you search you porn hard enough you'll find me..
Kymberli: Hahaha 😂😂😂 same
Mazen: Well fuck..
Mazen: Got a link ?
Is this real life? Mazen actually wanted to see me in the throes of passion? Would he…touch himself to it? The thought was enough to make me want to touch myself.
Kymberli: Well pornhub but whatever, same shit
Kymberli: Lmfao good guys wouldn't ask for the link 🤭
Mazen: Well it's public art, just wanna be supportive
Mazen: The only time I watch porn is when a girl send me there shit personally
Mazen: But your right
Kymberli: Ohhh that's what we're callin it
Mazen: I'm not sure what happen to being good but god damn did we fail at that
Mazen: Yes lol
He sent a gif of a black dude looking at his watch, rolling his eyes, and sinking back in his chair impatient
Kymberli: Lmfao 😂😂😂
Kymberli: I'm nervoussssssss
Kymberli: What if you don't like it 😭
Mazen: Well.. I don't have to like it cause we're being good. I'm just curious as a friend.. 👍
Kymberli: Hahahaha
Kymberli: As a friend he says
Kymberli: You want something like this
I sent a screenshot from a video of hunter fucking me from behind in the woods on a riverbank.
Kymberli: Or like this
I sent a screenshot from a video of me in dark blue lingerie, laying on my back on the bed. My head was hanging off the side as Hunter rammed his dick down my throat.
Kymberli: Or none of the above lol. I don't have any of just me 😅
I truly didn't know what his taste was, so I couldn't figure out which video to send him.
Mazen: You have your own channel with seasons and genres or what ? 😂
Mazen: Whichever your favorite is
Kymberli: Lmao you'll never know because ima send you a video directly. No links 😂
Mazen: Ah
Mazen: There must be something you don't want me to see
Kymberli: Yeah. But not anything weird like you probably think
Mazen: What is it then?
I sent the video of me in reverse cowgirl, riding Hunter like a pro. It was only 45 seconds long but it was proof I knew how to twerk on a dick.
Kymberli: That's my favorite
Kymberli: & Nothing, I'll tell you another time 😘
Kymberli: Now I'm for sure never looking you in the eyes again
Mazen: Attempting to play a game? Lol
Mazen: Are you ashamed ? 👀
Kymberli: Maybe??
Kymberli: Yeah I guess it's embarrassing
Kymberli: But you're just a curious supportive friend…right? so I'll try not to drop everything next time I see ya
Mazen: Exactly 👍
Mazen: Why is that one your favorite ?
Kymberli: It's short and to the point I guess. Plus the position makes me 💦💦
Kymberli: What are your thoughts, friend ?
Mazen: Your attractive. There is no bad sexually
Mazen: However my preference is to see the eyes
Mazen: When I'm with a woman. There is nothing that can be done that I haven't already experienced. I want to see into her soul, I want to make her body crave only mine when I'm with her
Wait, wtf is happening? This was not the reaction I expected in the slightest. Why is he trying to make me fall in love after he just said he can't do this? Doesn't he know it's every girls deepest desire to hear a man say things like this?
Kymberli: 😳
Mazen: I want to bound her loyalty to me. Betrayal of me is betrayal of herself
No no no. Stop.
Kymberli: I'm already having fantasies and then you just had to go and say something like that.
Kymberli: That shit isn't fair Mazen.
Kymberli: Are you even real
I meant everything I said. He has to know how easy it would be for me to actually catch feelings for him. I thought this would solely be about lust, but his reaction to my wet pussy sliding up and down my boyfriends dick is…romance?! Guys like him…exist?
Mazen: I only have sex if I think I could absolutely fall in love. And I know that she will with me. Which is another reason I'm so picky, even when I'm so tempted..
Mazen: No one on earth will know her better then I will
Mazen: No matter how much she searches
Mazen: I will discover everything about her. The act is just the ritual in which it happens.
Mazen: I saw them bubbles 🫧
Mazen: 😏 lol
Kymberli: I can't decide what I wanna say. It's weird because after the first two I was like "he really tryna make a bitch fall in love rn" and then you sent the next one.
Kymberli: Idek what to think, you've turned my brain into mush.
Kymberli: How could I ever just wanna be your friend after that
Kymberli: Fml
Mazen: Damn this is a long one
Kymberli: I usually can't hold the eye contact. Something too intimate about it. Maybe because I don't wanna be that intimate. But I already know it'd be different with you. Just based on the way you make me feel when I'm near you I'd probably give you just about everything. Body, heart, soul…my first born if you wanted…? Lol 😂
Kymberli: Really tho..damn. Just damn.
Mazen: I sent that before your messages came through.
Mazen: From what you've told me your guy is a pos
Mazen: From your point of view
Mazen: So that makes sense about no eye contact
Mazen: It strange to me more people to think this way to be honest
Mazen: Don't *
Mazen: Sorry to make you fall though.. 😅 unintentional
I agreed with everything he said. But when he sent the last message, I knew I had revealed too much. As safe and as comfortable as he makes me feel, I need to remember to not give too much too fast. It's a bad habit of mine, and it's not something that keeps a man's mind on you.
Not that his mind should be on me…
But I wouldn't necessarily mind if it was…
Kymberli: I guess I just didn't realize that was why. I mean in the beginning it was still fresh and I was too nervous/shy. But now I just can't stand him.
Kymberli: Pshhh it's gonna take more than a few paragraphs from a romance novel to make me fall
Kymberli: Lmao
Kymberli: Besides
Kymberli: We're just friends 😘
Mazen: Romance novel? That's how I know it got you… I didn't even draft that 😏
Mazen: 😂
Kymberli: Lmao fuck off!!
Kymberli: It wasn't that great
Kymberli: Just….don't do it again
Kymberli: 😭😂
Seriously. Please don't do it again. I had almost felt my heart swell through my chest reading how deeply he regarded sex. It's everything I always dreamed of in a man, but something I never really found beforehand. My ex Ashetin saw sex as special, but even he slept with me the first night we hungout.
Mazen: I wasn't trying to be great
Mazen: I was being honest
Mazen: 😏
Mazen: Being great is just a byproduct i guess…
Kymberli: 😂
Kymberli: Yeah I guess
I didn't want to end the conversation necessarily, but I felt like this was a good out. His romantic side making an appearance, followed by the teasing put me off my game. I didn't know how to recover, so I bailed. Fuck it.
Kymberli: I gotta go to sleep. But I'll get you back. If you're Shakespeare, then I'm like…Emily Brontë or whoever is comparable 😂 after that we'll see who is falling for who 🤷🏽♀️
I had to tease him back, because it was true. I could write too. Hopeless romantic/wannabe author at your service baby. You may have won this round, but I'll for sure win a war of words.
Especially about him…
My wildest fantasy is fastly becoming my fixation in reality. Oh boy.
Kymberli: Nighty night curious, poetic friend
His perfect response left my head absolutely boggled. Who the fuck is this man? And why wasn't he mine?
Mazen: I await in anticipation 😏 night