The next day I woke up and sent him "She knows" by J Cole. It was my anthem as I started my day earlier than usual, and strangely wide awake. What was happening? Was life becoming…joyful…again?
He responded:
A classic
I messaged back the only witty thing I could think of.
Kymberli: You're a classic
I wasn't lying.
I didn't think he'd respond and he didn't for awhile. Until he sent me a funny meme about a guy saying there was a spider in a girls bra in order to see her naked.
I responded with something non committal so he wouldn't reply, instead choosing to write something for him on my downtime at work. Tuesdays were my long shifts, but I wanted to live up to my claim from last night.
It took multiple smoke and bathroom breaks, but I finally threw something not half bad together. It was messy. Not really poetry, but not a short story. I wasn't sure what to call it. I was a little embarrassed to even share it with him.
But leave it to Mazen to alleviate my anxiety, once again.
He was really good at that. Disturbing so. Especially when you consider I've never really shared my writing with anyone. Definitely not a man I was having sex with, or wanted to have sex with.
The moment I clocked off around 8:30, I mall-walked my eager ass to my car and immediately navigated to Facebook messenger.
Kymberli: I wrote a lil sumn
I decided to send a dumb ass meme just to keep him on his toes. It was a text thread, captioned, "this could be us."
Person a: shut up
Person b: make me
Person a: I would but it'd probably make you moan
Mazen: Is that your Emily Brontë style ? 😂
Kymberli: Lmao 😂 you already know
Kymberli: Nah I'm just nervous to send it, I'm a bit rusty 😬
Mazen: Aren't just torturing yourself sending poetry to someone who's forbidden? 🥵
Kymberli: You're right 🥴
Kymberli: But thanks for being my muse
Kymberli: Friend 😏
Kymberli: I almost forgot how much I love writing
Mazen: I mean I still wanna read it..
Mazen: Lol 😂
Has god finally sent me my one true mate? If so, why must it be under these circumstances? I truly did not think we'd connect like this. I didn't know underneath all the sex and intimidation, there was a man who shared my passions, my humor, my personality traits. It's crazy to think this way after only a couple short days of messaging, but seriously.
This shit just hits different.
Kymberli: Lmao 😂 how about just a line or two
Mazen: Nah I wanna see the whole the thing
Tell me about it…
I'll show him mine if he shows me his…hehe.
Kymberli: Fml
Kymberli: It doesn't even have structure
Kymberli: It's a mess
Mazen: That may interesting. Like mini poetic diary entries.
Of course he found a name for it, when I was at a loss. The thought caused me to imagine myself searching for the last piece of a puzzle to no avail. I finally give up and turn around only to find Mazen with a sexy smirk and the missing piece in his hand.
Sigh.
Now I'm wet.
Kymberli: Yeeee. My specialty 😅
Mazen: Nothing to be nervous about then ☺️
The man is a master of controlling my emotions. Maybe Edward Cullen doesn't exist, but he is sure giving Jasper.
Kymberli: Ugh
Kymberli: Don't read too much into it. I just played off what you said last night plus thoughts I've already had and idk I just threw it together
I took a deep breath. Switched over to my notes, copied the entry, switched back to messenger and hit send before I could change my mind.
Kymberli: In my mind I paint a picture of the delayed inevitable. The details blurred and incomplete, but the feelings…the feelings are as real as fire. They burn through me and I am sure I am left with scars. However, there's nothing littered on my skin but perpetual wanting. Yearning. Needing. What is it I need?
Kymberli: Curls like my own, begging to entwine with mine.
Bodies masquerading as magnets, drawing closer until separation repels.
A twin flame to change my mind—change my time.
Kymberli: Lost the romantic, so I've been hopeless for far too long.
I'd never betray you, though I betray myself often.
Lend me your eyes to help me see how beautiful relinquishing control can be.
Kymberli: There's one more part but we gonna do without because it's a lil much and a lot messy 😂
I sent a GIF of an asian girl waving awkwardly captioned K bye. Im such a nervous person, even through messenger. It's pretty fucking ridiculous. Even if my writing was complete shit, which I don't think it is. I don't think anyone would really bash a person for their creation. Along with beauty, art, is in the eye of the beholder. Worst a person can do is offer suggestions. So why I felt the need to awkwardly attempt to end the conversation? No fucking clue.
Probably due to my pathetic school girl crush.
Mazen: No send it !
Mazen: This is my favorite
He responded directly to the part that starts with, "lost the romantic."
Damn. He likes it? Even has a favorite part?
I felt heat radiate from my head to my toes.
This is bonkers. My mind is blown. The star of my wet dreams likes my writing?
Why does this knowledge have me feeling like J.K. Rowling? Cash me out, I'm an author now. *hair flip*
Mazen: Needs to see it 👀
Kymberli: Nah 🙃
Mazen: 😂
Mazen: Why not ?
Fuck it. I already got the green light. Why hold back now? I quickly swapped back over to notes and decided to clean it up a little before sending.
Kymberli: An empath dying to be numb,
Keeping humor right "under my thumb".
Demeanor screaming new,
While my soul aches old.
The funny thing about my soul,
Is that it recognizes,
you.
Kymberli: 🙄
Kymberli: Anywayzzzz
Kymberli: Moving on…
Kymberli: How was your day 😇
The nervous rambling and spam messaging to get the offensive material off my screen was back in full effect, apparently.
Mazen: Oooooo, I dig that. That's not in organized at all you either lying or redrafted before you sent it 😏
Mazen: Unorganized *
The man is a mad scientist evil fucking genius wizard. I couldn't lie to him if I tried. He just knows…everything. It's equal parts maddening and intriguing.
I can't help but wonder if he'd know my body just as well as he seems to know my mind.
Kymberli: I'm not gonna lie I tweaked it a lil
Kymberli: I was writing this during my smoke breaks today, gimme a break 😂
Kymberli: I wanted to be an author when I was in college but I have this problem of not finishing my novels lol. But I tend to write bs like this when I'm inspired
Mazen: You should really pursue it.
Mazen: ❤️ I feel it, and it's got a flow.
I felt the heat flow through my body again. I can only compare this feeling to the one I had when I received awards in school. 4.0 gpa freshman year, photography finalist in the puyallup fair art show thing. Getting my bachelor's degree. Damn, I felt so fucking proud of myself. Mazen's approval, his heart emoji, was like shaking the dean's hand. I felt like…somebody, you know?
Kymberli: Aw well thank you 😊
Kymberli: Idk if you're just being nice but the compliment means a lot comin from you ☺️
I meant it. He was very talented and sophisticated. It's not everyday you come across a person like that. And it's even rarer to earn their approval on your own amateur creations.
I needed to change the subject though. I don't want to keep talking about me and receiving his praise. I was already in too deep and he was pulling me deeper with each compliment.
It's the compliments that have nothing to do with my appearance that really, really get to me.
Kymberli: Can I ask you something ?
Mazen: I don't give false compliments and I have no reason to be fake nice.
I believed him. I don't think he's a person that struggles with hurting somebody's feelings if it means being honest. At least…so far….
Mazen: Of course you can
Kymberli: Are your curls real? 😅
I had to fucking know bro. Like do you get perms or nah?? Either way I'm down to get lost in them, but I got a thing for natural beauty (lmfao).
Mazen: 💀
Mazen: Yup
I bit my lip when I read his response.
Mazen: I leave in some conditioner from the shower if it feels dry otherwise I don't do anything
Yes, baby. You are doing it right. Holy shit…
Just then I'm hit with an image of him coming out of the shower, hair dripping wet, dick all out and proud. Fuuuuuuck.
Kymberli: Fuck
My fingers responded to him of their own accord.
Kymberli: K let's make a curly haired baby
Kymberli: Real shit tho our kid would be beautiful afffff 😍
Kymberli: Dtp? (Down to procreate?) lmfao
Kymberli: I'm joking 😅
Commit, bitch. Commit. Stop with the I'm joking bs. I'm definitely not joking. I'd happily milk every last drop of come that his balls can create, and immediately hit an hour long shoulder stand in hopes of carrying his spawn.
I sound fucking crazy, but it's the truth. I was that pathetic for him. At least, now I am.
Fuck. What did I do…
He sent a GIF of a guy saying, "You sure about that?"
Mazen: Yeeeeaaaahhh.. your not wrong though lol 🤷
No, I'm not. It's only the things I want to do to you that are wrong.
Kymberli: Lol I mean shiiiiiit, we could for sure practice 😎
Kymberli: Jk sorry, I keep forgetting this is bad
One more jk, and I'm offing myself. No bs.
I decided to switch gears and take control of the situation. Yeah I was already to the point where it was gonna suck to stop talking to him…but if I could at least be the one to shut it down maybe it help me not feel as pathetic as I already do.
Kymberli: We should probably stop messaging. The more I talk to you the more I like you 😞
Kymberli: Can I just get a keyword to search on youporn first? 🙃
Can you blame me? If I didn't get to fuck him, I had to at least see him. I'm super curious about his dick.
Kymberli: Gimme that and I'll leave you be, promise 🥹
Mazen: Maybe I shouldn't give it to you then 😉 lol
Did that mean he didn't want me to leave him alone? Could this mean he may be considering…?
I decided to be dumb instead. I felt if I straight up asked him if he meant that, he'd say no and shut it down.
Kymberli: Why ☹️
Kymberli: Please
I sent a meme of three different water flows. One a drip, one a stream and the last a waterfall. It read, "good girl." "That's my good girl." "You're being such a good girl for me." In the same order.
I want to hear him say, "good girl" at least one time before my life is over. I think I deserve that.
Kymberli: Don't you want me to be good??Lmao sorry. Had to.
Mazen: Yeah amazing the differences those phrases have lol. It's in the deets 👌
Mazen: I thought about commenting on why I liked the first poetic entry I liked so much but I think it would take to long
Mazen: Then I thought about sharing something I actually wrote. But it's not in the same genre as yours.
Fuck me. Here we go again. I'm convinced it's his mission to make me fall in love at this point.
Kymberli: 😳 please? I've got time
Kymberli: Don't care, sendddd
Kymberli: Lemme lick your mind n shit
Mazen: Maybe in person
Oh, so there will for sure be private time for us in the future? I know he said he could have friends but we both know this isn't that. The more time we spend together, the closer we'll come to violating our partners and our own morals.
Mazen: You'll never find me online 😏
Mazen: However.. here's this
Mazen: Blood drawn on a silver platter
Cursed with a life where nothing matters
Every bite leaves your mouth sour
Cultivating hate in which you shower
Burn the bush tell there's only ash
Step right over and continue this path
Back in time is where'd you go
Convince yourself you have a soul
Mother Mary will she ever see?
Her first born has all but won
Every step obliterates fate
Question everyone
Who God forsakes
Question every one
Of Gods mistakes.
His words took me by surprise. Damn. The man had it. He was a hell of a writer and fuck, it made me feel that much more inadequate.
I re-read it several more times. It was raw. Real. Vulnerable. I want to say it's about himself? Based on the conversations we've had…he used to live in a very hateful world. Trauma and misplaced rage made him something of a racist nazi when he was younger.
Like I said before…nobody was perfect. Right?
It was wednesday night, I had just clocked on. It was slow so I was taking my time getting into work mode. I filled a cup with a combination of red bull, lemonade, and peach syrup as I inwardly smiled at my thoughts.
I knew the popular open mic night singer, Kage, was going to be performing. It was sort of random, as we never had any live music on Wednesdays, but I was excited for the change. Although, I have to admit there was something that excited me even more than hearing the up and coming local artist.
My true excitement was due to the fact that the man who knew how to best utilize the bar's sound would most likely be here. I didn't know for absolute certain, but I could only assume Mazen would be wandering around adjusting electronic levers on his cute little ipad during the entire performance. Forcing my eyes to constantly follow him as he walks the isles between tables.
About an hour later, I felt my heart race as my deduction proved true. Now, I know I already stated how on point his fashion sense was, but there's more to it than that. The more I see him, the more he drives me absolutely wild with his ability to pull off any look. In the past, our crossing of paths mainly occurred in the mornings. He was typically dressed in various sweat pants and TG hoodies, with his beautiful curls messy and held out of his face with the assistance of a cloth headband. The look was the one he sported in my many, many fantasies.
Tonight, he looked as if he didn't even own a pair of sweatpants. No, this M was somehow even more sinful. I bit my lip for real this time as I looked him up and down. He wore brown pants, and a long sleeved, black turtleneck shirt that hugged him in all the right places.
You could tell he didn't cheap out on clothes. The what would normally be a simple outfit, just oozed expensive on him. His air of wealth was also reflected in his sparkling gold watch and matching gold chain. His curls were cascading down his shoulders, all shiny and shit.
"No frizz in sight," I thought with envy as my own curls were already frizzing an hour into my shift.
I ducked outside and fired off a message to him. He needed to know how good he looked.
Kymberli: You look downright sinful tonight btw. Like I have to refrain from dropping pick up lines 🥵
When he walked by me and smiled, I couldn't help but immediately smile back.
"Hey." I said. Meeting his intense gaze.
"Hello." He said, smile turning smirk. Slight raise of an eyebrow.
Fuck. Me. I thought mentally as he kept walking, and I checked out his ass.
Not fucking fair.
Since we've begun messaging, my now amplified nerves have kept me from having any real kind of conversation with him in person. It's only been a couple days, but Tuesday made it pretty clear that if I didn't have anything to drink…I'd be more likely to disintegrate than I would be to converse. Or, you know, stay feet away and awkwardly say the bare minimum.
I wanted to change that tonight. I knew with Sarah and Shawnia here we could make it happen, somehow. For now, I needed to focus on getting through my shift. The performance was bound to pack the house. I didn't want him to see me struggle.
—————————————————————————
"Alright Kym, you're good to clock off." Nicole gave me the okay. I brimmed with nerves and excitement as I punched in the last four digits of my phone number to clock out.
As I gathered my belongings—and myself—I reflected on the last couple hours. Kage was fantastic, but again, it was Mazen that stole the show…at least for me. Most of the time, he sat at table 14, which was in my section.
This meant I had to constantly pass by him as I served my tables. Each time our gazes locked, I was struck with need so desperately. I've never felt anything like it before. The tension was at an all time high. The air around him didn't only smell good, but crackled with electricity. It made me wonder, "if I touched him, would he shock me?"
The few moments I had to message him made me absolutely crazy.
He responded to my compliment in kind. It made me have to serve tables absolutely soaking wet. Uncomfortable, yes. Tortuous would be an even better adjective. But my oh my…it was the most incredible foreplay I've ever had.
Mason: Your face is so seductive. Your full lips though.. its insatiable.
Someone was getting bold. Thank something for that. I decided to match his boldness.
Kymberli: I can use them pretty well too…tryna find out?
He hadn't looked at his phone for a good half hour. I literally only had a couple of moments to text him. At this point, the performance was over, and Kage was heading out. Mazen had no reason to hang around…unless I just asked him to? Duh?
Kymberli: I'm gonna stay for a drink. Do you have to rush off?
His response caused me to literally jump for joy. I quickly looked around to make sure no one noticed.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Mason: I'll be here a little
Jan 10, 2024, 10:19 PM
You sent
You didn't answer my question
You sent
I keep having to stop myself from touching you
Jan 10, 2024, 10:52 PM
Mason
Mason Fain
😏
Jan 10, 2024, 11:40 PM
You sent
One kiss?
You sent
Just one?
Jan 11, 2024, 12:41 AM
You sent
So like…
You sent
...
Mason
Mason Fain
😬
I didn't find out the answer until after I clocked off.
The night was…a lot of things. Nerve wracking, yet exciting. Awkward, yet comfortable. Teasing, yet giving. Scary, yet…so much fucking fun.
Sarah invited Adam to hang out, whom I knew from my last bar job. He thought I hated him, and I probably did. But for the life of me I couldn't remember why…so it must not have been that important. I informed him we were good as far as I was concerned.
Then Shawnia's boyfriend eventually showed up.
So there we all sat. Adam next to Sarah. Terryl next to Shawnia. Me next to…Mazen. Next to our coupled up friends, it was easy to pretend Mazen and I were another couple. That while my leg "accidentally" brushed against his underneath the table, we didn't have significant other's waiting on us at home. We talked about music, we all took a shot (even Mazen). It was the first time I've seen him drink. To say I was shocked he actually agreed, was an understatement. Mazen did not drink. But he downed the ounce of Proper Twelve like he did it on the daily.
Eventually everyone headed out, except us.
"Is this…like, okay? I suddenly feel very suspect now that we are alone." I glanced at him anxiously.
"Let's move to the back so we have a bit more privacy." He said and began to get up from the table in the middle of the dining room.
I followed him like a puppy to games 8. It was quickly starting to feel like "our" table.
We talked for a while in quiet tones. The bar had mostly cleared out and I don't think either of us wanted to alert anyone to our presence.
Eventually, we were interrupted by Mike. "Nicole wants you to come outside really quick."
"Why? Did I forget to do something?" I asked, immediately anxious to get in trouble.
"No, I think she just has a question for you and she went outside to take a smoke break." He said.
"Oh. Okay." I still felt anxious as I muttered a "be right back," to Mazen.
Mike followed me out the front door, which made me think something weird was up.
I approached Nicole nervously, "what's up?"
"Is something going on with you and Mazen?" She asked. Her tone didn't sound accusatory, nor shameful. It sounded, excited?
I didn't immediately respond.
"Um, we're just kickin it." I eventually said. I probably sounded like I was full of shit, because I was, but nobody is supposed to know.
"Dude, I swear I won't say shit. You can trust me, I promise. You two would seriously be so fuckin cute together." She smiled warmly and I knew she was being honest.
I glanced over at Mike, he was standing a few feet away by the front doors. He was trying to seem uninterested in our conversation by being on his phone, but I knew he was listening to every word I said.
"He isn't going to say shit." She noticed I was looking at Mike.
He looked up and agreed. "I don't care and I wouldn't say anything because it's not my business."
I looked at Nicole for a moment longer, silently searching for anything that would tell me she had ill intentions. I didn't find anything.
I took a deep breath. "Nothing has happened. We've been messaging a little, there's a lot of sexual tension, but we're both in relationships so it literally can't go anywhere."
"Oh my gosh!!" She exclaimed. "I knew it! Holy shit dude you guys would seriously be perfect!! I never thought him and Miley were a good fit for each other."
I was momentarily taken back by her reaction. Because…we were hurting people with what we were doing.
"But bro…even if that's the case, she'd be crushed if she found out and she's so fucking sweet. I'm not this girl. I've been cheated on, I don't cheat. And I never thought I'd be the 'other woman.'" I looked down. "I like him so fucking much, like being with him would be a dream come true, but he's much more hesitant. Probably because Miley is actually good to him, unlike Hunter is to me."
"You have to do what you have to do sometimes in order to get what you want. You aren't a bad person, and you more than deserve to be happy. If you think he's it, then I say go for it. You'll figure out the rest." She said so confidently that I believed her.
Her words removed an invisible weight from my shoulders I didn't realize I was carrying. Maybe it's because I looked up to Nicole like a mother. Mom's guidance was everything to me. I've missed it every second she has been gone, but especially at times like this. Times where I was getting myself into a situation that would most likely end in a bout of crushing depression. The kind of hopelessness only she could drag me out of.
Maybe it was just because the words were coming from someone completely outside of the situation.
I couldn't tell you.
But when I returned to Mason, and he asked if I wanted to go somewhere without "so many ears," her words had me following him across the street without hesitation.
_____________________________________________
"I am always in control of myself. Nothing happens unless I want it to." He said as he sat in the drivers seat, slightly hunched over and facing me. His elbows rested on his knees, hands clasped together.
"Well maybe I should test that self control you claim is so strong." I teased and mimicked his pose, getting close to his face.
When that didn't work, I leaned in for a kiss but stopped at the last moment and lifted myself up by my knees so I was looking down at him. So my tits were in his face. I never broke eye contact.
I saw his chest rise and fall a little more intensely than before, but made no move as he matched my stare. My thoughts briefly flashed to Stephanie Meyer's Breaking Dawn. The part where Bella had not yet realized she was a shield, and joked about her vampiric superpower being "super self control."
I sighed as I sat back in my seat. "Can't blame me for trying."
He said nothing.
"I'm sorry…I really can't help myself. You're too hot for your own good." I said, finally looking down.
If he said something in response, I didn't hear it. The booze and the proximity to him made it extremely hard to focus on anything other than how badly I wanted to feel him inside me. I squeezed my thighs together and shifted in my seat as I re-met his gaze.
I attempted to communicate my need through my eyes. After what seemed like days, he began moving towards me.
Holy shit…is this actually happening?
50%…60%…
Oh fuck! This is actually happening!!
70%…
Am I grinning like a kid on Christmas morning? Stay cool, Kym. Seduce the man, don't seem too eager.
80%…
Oh my god. He is staring at me with the most intensity I've ever seen him wear. The most intensity I've ever seen on any man, period. Is he a fucking vampire? Are all rich people not of the same species? Am I about to be the half black, tatted up, version of Bella fucking Swan?
I can't believe this is actually happening.
90%…
Our lips finally met when I leaned in the last 10%.
Until this moment, I've never believed in "feeling" something from a kiss. Other than arousal, of course. I've kissed plenty of guys I've been intensely attracted to. A few of whom I was head over heels in love with. Not once have I felt anything like I was feeling right now. No, this was unlike anything I've experienced before. This was the type of shit they write about. This was the kind of feeling girls grow up to realize isn't actually a thing, so we read about it instead.
I felt an unexpected zap, a 12V electrical shock.
I felt a blue flame, the hottest part of the fire.
I felt a warm breeze, the "woosh" of summertime air.
I felt a slow current, a lazy wave of pure fucking magical bliss.
I felt a familiar touch, a lovers' caring and tender restoration.
I felt an inexplicable connection, the deepest sense of knowing.
I felt a magnetic pull, an animal following the scent of prey.
I felt…whole. Two gears united and spinning together effortlessly.
Somehow, I felt everything sequentially…and simultaneously.
The smell of him awoke my primal instinct to mate. Cliche, but true. His lips moving against mine as we bobbed and weaved in perfect harmony was almost too much. I was moaning, my breathing was becoming more labored by the second.
I didn't totally understand what was happening inside me.
I assume it's, "love at first kiss," but I really didn't believe in truly being able to love someone before you live with them. That's when you really know a person, and you can only truly love somebody you know better than anyone else. But what I felt inside was already bigger than anything I've felt for anyone in the past.
In some distant part of my brain I was reminded that we were both cheating right now. Before this moment, nothing physical had occurred and we could easily walk away somewhat guilt free. Now we both had to leave here and return to our partners knowing we've crossed a line. In my case…? Fuck hunter. If I were to crawl in the back of Mazen's van and let him fuck me senseless for hours, it still wouldn't hold a torch to the countless times hunter cheated on me.
But in Mazen's case it was different. I, myself, also have to look in Miley's eyes knowing I cheated with her boyfriend. Someone so gentle and kind…and I completely violate her deepest relationship.
This was wrong.
So why did it feel so unbearably, right?
Like we were born to kiss each other?
If God, or whoever is in charge, did not plan this…why does it feel this way?
Despite my thoughts, I wasn't stopping. I couldn't if I tried. I would deal with the consequences later…right now, my soul was becoming acquainted with its' mate.
Our lips were moving in sync. I think we were both surprised when the tips of our tongues touched at the same moment. We were the exact same kind of kisser. This broke away any remaining nerves or hang ups in my brain.
I moaned louder and involuntarily moved closer, hands immediately reaching for the beautiful curls I've fantasized about. They fisted in his hair, moved to the back of his neck, cupped his cheek, they were everywhere. I wanted to feel everything.
We continued to make out in almost a dance of dominance. I moved closer, he pushed back. I sucked on his bottom lip, he sucked on my top lip. I was damn near in his lap when I felt his hand around my throat. Within moments, my ass was reunited with the passenger seat.
He looked at me with fire in his eyes. His breath had quickened, but my breathing was downright embarrassing. Holy fuck.
"Sit. Down." He commanded. I felt his hand briefly tighten around my neck in warning before he loosened his grip and returned his lips to mine.
Honestly, I think I came in my pants from the command and his hand on my throat. I never knew female premature ejaculation was a thing, until now. So…he's my soulmate and "daddy" all in one, I guess. If he wasn't kissing me again, the words, "yes sir," would have been uttered through my panting.
Is this real life or did I take some experimental hallucinogenic with extremely intense side effects?
He is fucking everything.
The meeting of minds turned into a meeting of mouths, and our kisses were just as poetic as our words were. After being scolded like the naughty little girl I am, I got a grip on myself. We were slowly exploring each other instead of battling for dominance now. He won obviously…but that's besides the point.
I was kissing him with passion and love and romance instead of with lust and hunger, now. It was scary. I knew I was officially done walking away from this unscathed. There would never be a kiss I would crave more. Even if he physically threw me out of his van and left me bleeding on the pavement after this…I'd still crave his kiss. This shit was medicine for the soul. He was breathing life back into me, restoring my senses. I love kissing, but I haven't really made out with hunter in over a year. I forgot what it was like to completely lose yourself in a kiss. Feeling like you could kiss the person for hours and not get bored.
With Mazen, it wasn't just a feeling. It was a need. I needed to keep kissing him. In that moment, his kiss was as crucial as the air within my uneven breaths.
What did I do?
I should have known getting close to him was going to completely overtake my being just based on the way he makes me feel when he's around.
Something small and distant inside me snapped. Or maybe snapped wasn't the right word. I can only describe the feeling as a momentary slip of your grip while holding onto something extremely heavy.
Before this, I was screwed.
Now?
I'm fucked.