(Blume)
Rose fell as if she died, suddenly.
Her consciousness faded away fast as her body became dormant.
I was so scared. Something has shattered within her, ever since we were separated physically for a while. A wound that never managed to properly recover and evolved into something else instead...
I went inside her mind to rescue her. She was gradually losing her mind in a dangerous manner. I had to hurry if there was any of her to save.
As I dove into her thoughts, I realised she hadn't told me everything there is to know about love.
Though she probably never realised it herself before.
The larger your feeling of love grows, the mode dependant you become. It's like a drug, or an identity building obsession.
And when the loss comes, the depth of the hole in the heart is equal to the love it contained, though it feels far greater.
Some people surely heal and recover faster, as people are immune to drugs addictions or faster to withdraw.
Others, like her, are too absolute in their obsessions, and never manage to truly recover...
She keeps lying to herself, and falling back into her old bad habits and suffering.
She even embraces it with all the sadness and sorrow she can find in the world, because in a masochistic way, that's all that is truly left of the lost one for her.
The poor woman is simply unable to move on. She can't do it on her own, if at all. And unfortunately, I've obviously failed to prevent her from falling back, or even less curing her...
I wasn't enough...
Maybe nothing in the world could have prevented her sadness from resurfacing in rage one day.
I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore.
And my own desires have changed...
They evolved over the time spent with her, over my recent growth, and over seeing her like that lost in her bad dream...
The only thing I can do for Rose now is wake her up. But is it the best thing to do, to wake someone in deep pain? I'm not sure...
And it probably wasn't... Her pain is unbearable. She can't hear my voice anymore and all she manages to do is express her flood of suffering.
I knew her love for me might not last for ever and ever.
She always longed for someone else's hair to kiss and slender fingers to caress. She loved me for a while, sincerely. That's more than I could have hoped and dreamt for.
Deep in her dreams, it's not me standing by her side.
And the reality is, that she's not, that she never truly was, and that she never will be...
I dreamt she would be able to overcome her past dreams, in order to grant me mine...
I want to cry. How selfish was I. I've been jealous.
I guess this feeling too makes me rather human. Well, maybe not. Beings-like-me live with envy and jealousy toward them, humans. Deep emotional and intellectual beings.
I'm forced to witness your worst nightmare brought to surface and daylight.
She's not there. She never was, she never will be. Not for you. She only one was, for the original you, a very lon time ago, only once upon another time...
I bet you never thought those fatted words you keep repeating would end up with such a sad meaning for you.
Once upon a time...
You lost your paradise because of me... I've brought you to this land of endless suffering for you.
I didn't even allow you to rest in a grave... I brought you back.
My beloved Rose... How much suffering have I brought you...
I...
My love for you is so real. It has always been strong enough to even define me. My very being is love for you...
But now, I must reconsider what I've wished for in this reality, and accept our limits in existence.
Seeing your intense suffering, oblivious to my existence, I know...
I will make amends...
Please, don't die. Not yet. I will make amends. I will find a way to make it up to you.
Even if I have to erase your memories of me.
~
If the best answer for you to live further is for me to never have been, I'll find a way to make you forget all about me, and then vanish from your sight forever.
I won't die for you. That I won't accept anymore.
But leaving you, now I'm able to. Though it pains me to consider it, I know I've grown enough to be able to live without you if that's best.
It's not my first wish, but I've prepared for this outcome if it has to be.
A way or another, our life together will evolve and adapt.
And probably not the way the copy of us that became Licht did.
A complete merging of the two into one being and will.
I don't see that becoming a likely outcome for us any longer.
Becoming one with Rose was a future I thought we could thrive toward and possibly achieve sometime. Rose liked this vision of her future self too. Strong and confident, powerful yet wise... Many qualities she wanted for herself and she saw in Licht.
Licht might have had its melting of Rose Blume forced in her by her god. I don't think it was a fusion intended. She probably really was the first copy of Rose, and me within, that Dragod made, before realising I wasn't a part of her as a human being. The other clones she made didn't have my share of existence. That was a mistake.
I probably will never have the chance to melt myself with Rose into one single being.
I could force it on her. Or eat her as others do. I don't want to do either. I don't want to see her die, and these options sound utterly pointless and immature to me.
But I don't like seeing her suffer as she is currently...
Yet all she does today is cry and scream, as if she was being tortured. I can't manage to appease her. I'm failing.
What should I do with her?
~
She finally collapsed from exhaustion and dehydration. I took over her body while she's out. Her brain isn't dying this time so it's fine to leave her as she is.
I make her stand, trembling. I make her walk and breathe. I make her drink water a little further in a stream.
I wash her, feed her, clean her, make her sleep and clothe her.
She's like a doll who's lost her soul, unable to react or fully wake up again. Poor Rose...
I make her live for now, and walk toward the southern shore of this land. There is a place beyond the sea she wanted to see, and until she wakes-up, I'll bring her closer to that wish.
I make her walk, eat, relieve herself, clean herself, drink, sleep... The mechanics and rhythm continues.
I take good care of her while she's incapacitated. But that doesn't make me happy to have her so lifeless like that. I hope it won't last for too long.
She's broken...
Please come back to me Rose. I don't care whether you chose to keep me by your side or not. I don't care if you want someone else by your side to make you happy...
Please just... Stay alive, a while longer.
~