(Rose)
My heart aches when I think about it. It makes me painfully anxious.
The thought that the core of my persona is just a copy of someone random, who died hundreds of years ago. Not that it would have been easier if she was still alive.
I'm just another copy...
I'm artificially made, body and soul. I never... I never travelled through time. I was made here. Through the whims of a being-like-her. A playful djinn. No, I'm being unfair. She loves me.
Well, she loved the original one.
No... She caught her attention and thus she ended up creating me to love. She never mentioned even once having regrets about missing the original one. She always loved me as if there never was any other.
I thought I had accepted, and overcome, the fact that I only inherited the memory of the first Rose. As much as I thought I had overcome my loss of my blue bird, which never were mine... Though this feeling is a fabrication born from the memories of the original Rose.
I am what I've done since my birth... And I keep having nightmares about that... My hands are stained so much...
Could I start it all over? I wish I could forget it all...
Maybe just live somewhere with another her, without other purpose in life than to go on living together. She wouldn't be the real one I knew... But neither am I and we wouldn't know any of it. Could this work?
But Blume... She's want a me for herself... A copy... of me.
It's making me sick. I had noticed before that morality had lost meaning.
But now humanity, individuality, human life itself, it all is lost along...
Nothing remains of value in this world. Everything is possible, and nothing has meaning anymore.
Well, everything is still a stretch too far, but regarding what life is... We've made much progress.
~
I need a war.
I've lost so much confidence now. I'm losing myself in this quiet peace and sleep.
That monstrous side of me wants a conflict, an enemy, anything, to push my will to go further and live again.
Any incentive will do, but I want a reason to try and fight through another day.
I'm surprised I could grow so quickly weary of travelling the world. It's been nice and peculiar. But I guess it wasn't sufficient anymore. I guess...
I make up my mind. I feel a little floating, after crying so much recently. I'm calm. It's time to move forward before another wave hits me.
And I wake up. As I regain consciousness, my body is walking on its own already. I take back control of my movements without pain, as if she was slowly letting go of my hand.
B - Welcome back Rose.
R - Thank you Blume... Where are we?
B - Calabria, nearing the southern end of Italy. We'll be ready to fly toward Gizeh soon enough.
R - Gizeh?
B - The great pyramids of Egypt. Giza.
R - Oh. Alright... Blume... I've made up my mind.
B - What have you decided?
R - Once there, I want us to settle for a while. For the time you'll need to create for me the one true love of my... life.
It sounds so wrong, in more ways than one...
B - Okay... I will. We'll discuss the details about it on the way then... And, what about me?
R - You?
B - What should happen to me?
R - I haven't thought about it. I think you're fine where you are.
B - You couldn't make me more happy. I love you so much!
Her ribbons are starting to wrap me all over. She's hugging me tight in joy.
Why would I want to get rid of you, silly...
R - Easy, easy my flower... You never regretted missing the original Rose? You settled for the copy you made...
B - Didn't we discussed this before already? To me you're one and the same. There's no difference to me and you're just Rose.
R - Though I am not the first one.
B - You're the main Rose I love.
R - What if there were two identical copies of me?
B - Three Roses? Oh goodness, are you hinting me at a taste of paradise?
R - ...? Ah... Not like that! I mean... Aaah. You wouldn't be disturbed, you'd be ecstatic! Oh you... Bad, bad flower...
I sigh deeply, she chuckles. I get the ideas.
B - Their minds are locked down but there already are many copies of you in the dragon's lair.
R - The mindless roses... The only copy I met was Licht. She was very inspiring. I wonder if she managed to free them already.
B - As far as I can tell, Dragod is still alive, but I can ascertain it for sure from this far away. I keep sending it a picture of us, regularly, in case something happened to us, and mostly you. I can't tell if it truly receives them, but I think it does.
R - So we may be without insurance lately.
B - It seems unlikely to me but we may. I'm trying to work on that but I still have a long way to go.
I think of something.
R - You'll have time to work on it once we settle in Egypt.
B - Rose?
R - Yes?
B - I missed you.
I smile softly. I'm weary and still sensitive, but I can see her obvious soft spot for me.
I have one for you as well. I want her with me.
In my state of mind, I just want more... I'm selfish. I'm sinful. I'm an unholy being in body and soul now...
But she's still the sweetest.
R - Do you believe in God?
B - We believe we are, as far as I know. The few god-like beings I detect might as well be since they could change the shape of the planet if they desired so. Above creation? I don't think so. Because from below, I can tell you that the world is like an ocean. It's simply a soft chaos and nothing more.
R - To you, God is another word for Order?
B - In the meaning of it related to civilisation, yes. Like the tree falling in the middle of the woods, does god exists outside civilisation?
R - Ah, does the tree falling makes a sound if no one hears it you mean? I didn't understand at first. Well... Do they?
B - The tree yes. God, I believe not. Not that definition of god. What about you?
R - To me, God is...
I have pictures coming back to mind. When I was maybe just two years old, not even walking. My mother leaning to grab me and pulling me up from the ground and into a warm embrace.
R - To me, God is where you want it to be...
It's funny how the concept of god can vary in meaning from one person the next being-like-her.
B - I just thought of something.
R - What is it?
B - I created you... So in a good way, I am your god! Now bow to me. Nah, I'm joking.
I slap the flower gently. Bad flower.
Creating life at will... With that power now common in this world, we've become as gods, in a way.
Wandering gods. Free to act as we please. It has a different taste from the society I have memories of.
I sigh and breathe deeply. My body, our body, is a good one.
My feet are beginning to hurt, but mostly, my socks and shoes are ruined and about to fall apart. Maybe it's about time I learn to craft clothing from scratch, before I end up naked.
The landscape looks rather normal. It has reefs with sharp cliffs and rocks. Besides that, the colours are normal and I didn't encounter anything odd lately. It's very quiet. This land has less wildlife it would seem, compared to France or England.
We leave the mountainous area and reach the coast side. The sea looks nice under a quite warm sunlight.
I'm sweating a lot. The summer heat is rather hard on me now.
I sit by the sea, refreshing my feet in the water. Beyond the horizon are other countries. Another continent even.
I feel a tingling smile appearing on my face. I'm rather excited about seeing the new land.
There are no clouds. The weather is ideal.
Blume is ready. I attach my clothes tight and hold onto my bag, even though it's rather empty. It only has a blanket and some knives. I've lost everything else and didn't find much else.
I stand straight and proud on the middle of a beach that is more rocks than sand. Blume spreads our wings, figuratively.
Her ribbons spread behind my back. They mimic roughly the shape of wings. I know it's mostly an act she puts on for fun. The real work is elsewhere.
My feet become lighter. My head feels like it's spinning. Here we go.
My toes leave the ground. I'm floating. I feel the blood rushing faster through my veins and the sweat rising all over my skin. But there's also a joyful sensation of fun and excitement rising.
I lean forward and we fly away suddenly. The water splashes away as we go as if we were a very fast boat. I feel very dizzy, but I go straight ahead toward the horizon.
~
The wind rushing against me feels so nice onto my skin. It tickles my hair also.
I rush like a bird, I gain altitude, flying ahead as if the movements were simply natural. I feel out of breath but still alright.
Blume has tightened her ribbons around my limbs and her flowers are hidden under the jacket.
I head higher into the sky. Without weight to slow me down, the movement up is as easy and fast as any other. And up there, It's endless... It seems I could go higher for ever. All I see is the sea below and the sun above. The Earth has vanished. Up here the world is just us two for a moment.
And swimming in the sky is a marvellous sensation.
I let all power to rest and lose slowly my momentum.
For a second, I feel like the sun is below the ocean, uncertain about where the land, the sea and the sky are anymore. Gradually afterward, I can feel the wind reminding me of where I'm going.
We dive gleefully to the depths of the atmosphere. As I begun to see the bedrock of this invisible sea, I wonder about that the surface of the atmosphere might look like... It must be eerie to see, like a very hollow and light ocean, behind an eternally starry sky.
I know I shouldn't attempt to fly so high to see the surface, but it's a nice dream.
I see the moon in the distance...
Is the white rabbit still there nowadays? Blume told me that humans made it to the moon once upon another time... Did they felt like me?
I wonder how Earth looks from so far away...
Before I daydream too much about all that is beyond, Blume wakes me up and we start slowing down our fall.
The sea is already meeting its end. And it's not a dreadful fall into nihil, but the northern Berber coast of Africa. I'm not sure which country it was though. If it's the French colony, Egypt should be further East.
I change my aim and begin to fly eastward as I keep losing altitude. I feel my blood boiling in my brain.
We travel at incredible speed.
R - Do you know where they are?
B - Not precisely, I just have a rough idea. The largest pyramid is more than a hundred metres long so it should be easy to spot from above... We can fly about one more minute I'd say.
R - Better get us closer while we can then.
Qs we get lower in altitude and slow down our fall, we also slow our speed down. It still feels superb, the wind and the sun twirling around us.
The land below us had many patches of greenery, patches of dead cities, and mostly an immense desert with mostly grey colours.
We're about to land as Blume is exhausted. But right before she does, I think I see them.
R - I saw them! I saw the pyramid! It was right near that black mountain in the distance!
Blume makes us slow abruptly, and a second later, I'm free falling and then rolling senselessly inside a pile of soft sand.
I stand up, very dizzy and coughing a little. That sand is mixed with particles of fabric and wool I think. It's warm and soft.
The sunlight is blinding me. I discover a ruined city just next to me, north. East, a road disappears into the grey sands of the desert. Over the horizon, I think I can guess the summit of that mountain shrouded in grey.
Over there.
B - I don't recall Gizah being near any mountain, but let us see then, shall we?
I'm still confused and feeling dizzy or drunk from the flight and landing, but I smile greatly.
My weary eyes and heart feel a little warmer.
R - Yes!
~