(Rose)
It's been far more than a month since our arrival.
And my new goal is to return to the place where I, we, appeared.
Now that I've left the home of my previous life behind me... I want to find answers in the place I now really come from in this world.
But one step at a time.
We're walking back toward the city Zeslinry lives in. It's an oasis we would be fools not to stop by. It will be a long walk, but we're able to walk a lot more than we thought possible lately.
Ann was not rejoiced with my decision to go back to our train. I didn't say it out loud, but I think she understood that she was free not to come with me.
I haven't told her that I only feel regret about what I did. No pride nor joy remains in my heart following that impulse I had with her.
Well. She can't blame me now. I did make the effort to try it. I'm done, that's all there is to say.
I did have some physical pleasure, but if that was all there is to it, what differentiates us from animals then? All animals can have sex. They don't need intelligence or education for that.
True love is something at least a bit higher than just sex; no matter how much pleasure might strengthen a relationship.
I liked Ann. I will never love her.
And had I still had a family, I don't think I would have welcome her among us anymore.
We walk quietly today.
Maybe she'll chose to stay with Zeslinry and her girl. That might be the better choice for all of us.
We reach the swamp. It dried over the last week or so. It's a wasteland now. We were quicker to go across this time.
Leaving a place hard to find is easier than actually finding it I guess.
We found the tank. We went back inside to recover some of our abandoned equipment. The air was still warm inside.
We resume our walk. Everything is so calm. I wonder what London looks like today? Maybe I would have a chance to take a peek inside Gotha's castle now?
That could be interesting.
Meanwhile, it's a long journey ahead. Well, only two or three more days, given we don't get side-tracked again.
We miss our gentle horses. If we're lucky we will find something else to carry us around more rapidly. Horses, cars, tank, giant animal... I wouldn't be picky.
Why not something flying even?
I think my ability to imagine things has improved lately. At least I'm not feeling dizzy anymore when I try to think of something.
I wonder if we are in an age when still objects can acquire a life on their own?
Now that my main concern is no more, I'm becoming more curious about the world I live in.
I'm human, right? I think I am.
Everything I knew about my body still seems right at least. Is that enough? I don't know.
We pass by the town where it happened. It's evening. I don't want to stay there again. We can still walk so we do. We walk a few more miles before resting for the night. We sleep in one of these largest cars lying sometimes on the road. It's not really comfortable. It's colder.
~
The weather is nice. Autumn's coldness is there, but not its usual colours. Not yet perhaps. We walk peacefully.
The weather is quite calm too, as usual.
It's a long walk. Not much to say about it now. We haven't seen much oddities lately. The incredibly long snake has been the funniest one so far. I wonder what does it eat to live? The wolf too now that I think about it. We know very little of the natural fauna now inhabiting the island. Were the monsters a part of it somehow?
Are the daiûas and their responsibilities a part of it?
Our travel has been quite uninteresting this time. The incredibly long snake wasn't there anymore. The weather was always calm and quiet.
Everything was so silent, we could only hear ourselves walking.
Ann hasn't said a word in two days. She looks concerned still. Unhappy maybe?
The murk within my soul is under control. I feel better now. Being freed from love isn't especially happy at first. But then, for me, it does mean that a new chapter of my persona can be written. Someone new I would never have been for various reasons.
Might I find a new reason to feel blissful in this world? It might not be impossible, despite my first thoughts over what would happen to me if she were gone.
I was scared. Fear is quite gone now. I wonder why that truly is?
Because of me, current me? Or because of us, with past me?
What am I? I would like to know...
Night is set. We walk a little longer. Our legs are probably growing stronger. Our feet too. They didn't hurt much when we rest these last few days.
We're becoming experienced travellers I guess.
I wonder how many of us are left on Earth?
Who could really know that truly everyone is dead? It seems as difficult to know as an accurate number for the world population back in my days. Who knows?
Who knows...
We camp in an old shed. Made with wood, unlike buildings in towns. It reminds me of the one where I almost died, where Ann came and took care of me.
I'm grateful for that. She probably saved me then. Surely.
Are we even? I don't want to sleep next to her. I say no. She doesn't say a word and complies, but I think she's angry now.
~