AZRAEL.
My mother was just settling down to rest when I burst into her room, ranting, "Now he's helping her with the dishes, Mother! Dragos is unbelievable! Your son is unbelievable!"
"Leave him alone, Azrael" she responded tiredly.
"Leave him alone?!" My tone held unbelief. "He grows softer right before our very eyes, can't you see that mother?!"
I'd always been a worrier, even as a child. My anxiety was one of my greatest weaknesses.
The weight of responsibility settled on my shoulders ever since my father's death, particularly when it came to grooming Dragos, the Alesul. Every attention fell on me. A lot was expected, so a lot had to be delivered.
I had to be perfect for him.
As time passed I became tense, always driven by the need to address matters.
The fear of not fulfilling my duties as the new patriarch, or meeting expectations, both my own and others, consumed me.
I believed that there was always something more to be done. Either a task left unfinished or a responsibility unmet. I simply could not rest.
"It's just a little compassion. You know the heavens wouldn't strike you dead if you showed some too" My mother responded. "We're vampires, not monsters"
A scowl spread across my face "I'm a little bit of both, don't you think?"
She exhaled, diverting the topic elsewhere "You've never brought home a woman. Not even once. You're always too occupied running things and worrying over things you shouldn't, Azrael" Her hands made a motion to describe my going out and coming in. "If you had a woman, you wouldn't be this… tensed up"
My mother framed my face with her hands, studying my eyes "Darling, you look tired" she sounded concerned.
I was tired. Exhausted.
It was pretty ironic that a five hundred-and-seventy-two-year-old vampire blessed with irresistible looks and immortality was a chronic insomniac.
Sleep eluded me.
"Give it a rest. Get a girl. Settle down" my mother said.
I shook my head vehemently. "I cannot afford that right now, Mum"
"If not now, when? And why?" She pushed.
"Dragos still needs someone to guide him. He might be over five centuries old, but he still acts like a child"
I walked to stand in front of the portrait of my father and gazed up at it. "He still needs a mentor and since Father is no more, the responsibility of that falls to me"
The words felt hollow, even as I spoke them. I knew it was just a flimsy excuse. Dragos was more than capable of handling things on his own, but a part of me still clung to the idea, because it was the only thing that gave me a true sense of purpose.
Without it, I was left with nothing.
I led the family business, but apart from that I had no friends. No love life. Nothing.
I might've lived over five centuries, but I led a pathetic life.
I'd lived long, but I hadn't lived well.
My immortality felt more like a curse, than a blessing.
"Azrael, you know Dragos will do perfectly well on his own. You have done your best raising him and filling in your father's shoes since his death. You have done well, my sweet boy"
"Do well on his own?" I questioned "If not for my consistent interference over time, he wouldn't even have accepted the title of Alesul. He wouldn't have understood its importance or the serious responsibility that comes with it"
"But now he does"
"Does he?" I questioned. "Still, I believe I've failed, Mother" my voice lowered to a monotone. "He's too complacent. Too laid-back. He shouldn't be this way"
"Don't say that" She moved to stand beside me, taking my hand in hers "Dragos' decision to be complacent is his, and his alone"
"You know, sometimes I wonder why it wasn't me," I said softly, shifting to stare at my mother. "I've been ready my whole life. I have all it takes. Why couldn't Dragavei have chosen me?"
She sighed "Azrael, I cannot answer that. We do not choose these things and we shouldn't question them either"
I scoffed "Dragos doesn't even care but I do. All he wants, all he has ever wanted is to be left alone to live happily with the woman he loves. From childhood, he has displayed compassion, and other weak traits until I was able to correct that. He has never had what it takes, mum. It's not fair"
My mother ran a hand through my hair and responded in a soothing voice "I know, honey, but sometimes we don't even know what's best for us. Dragavei had a reason for choosing Dragos, perhaps later in life he has something in store for you too"
My tone was bitter, a scowl on my face as I replied, "It's the girl. She's further contributing to this madness by distracting him. He's now taken with finding out what she is, instead of making plans on how to go about his duty"
Frustratedly, I raked a hand through my hair.
"What's the need of even figuring out what she is?" I asked rhetorically "Mother, with the way things are going, I fear he might grow feelings for her, and we cannot afford to let that happen. I should've killed her the very day she came here"
My dislike for Dawn grew as the conversation progressed.
"Azrael" My mother frowned, her tone disapproving "There might be a greater..."
"Don't talk to me about greater purposes, mother!" I interrupted harshly.
Her eyes flashed with anger "Why do you hate her so much?"
"Why?" My jaw ticked in anger "Because every time I see her, I get reminded of Rose!"
"And why's that bothering you so much?" She rested her hands on her hips "The girl did nothing to you"
"Nothing?" I guffawed, feeling my blue eyes transitioning to red, expressing my rage. "Rose walked into our lives and everything crumbled! Dragos lost his way"
My mother watched me worriedly.
"It's been five hundred and forty-one years since her death, mother, and he still hasn't returned"
My gaze didn't waver from hers "You very well know how long it took for me to make him into the savage being he later became, mum, you know! You know how many years it took me to groom him! To finally get him to express an interest in learning the ancient shadow arts. How I dedicated myself to training him till he became far better at it than me!"
I spoke each sentence with increasing bitterness. "The- the years, the dedication just to turn him from a cry baby... to shape him into that flawless, ruthless character so he could fulfill his destiny, only to have everything blown away because of something as petty as love"
My face crawled as I spat out the word.
"I watched him forget everything I'd taught him. I... watched" I paused to attempt to control my anger "Because of some girl, mother. Some...girl!"
My mother continued to stare at me quietly.
"I'm sorry about what happened to you." She said, stepping forward, her eyes quickly welling with tears. "I'm sorry about Lucius, Geta, and Dacianus"
"Mother…"
I fought back a wave of emotional anguish at the mention of their names.
"You used to be so sweet as a little boy, you could barely harm a fly"
A sad smile formed on my mother's lips "You would pluck me flowers and beg to take in every stray animal you encountered because your tender heart couldn't bear the thought of anything suffering"
Her voice cracked "And now, look at you…" She turned away from me "How did I let you get this way? I don't even recognize you anymore"
Her words stung, piercing my soul. But it was the truth. I'd changed, and it wasn't for the better.
"I never should've agreed with Andrei about letting you spend time away from home with my brothers"
She whispered, standing at her dressing table. "But somehow he managed to convince me"
She sniffed, wiping at her eyes "I should've insisted. I should've never let you go"
I wasn't the same when I returned, and my father's death had further changed me. Hardened me.
It was worse because I wasn't around to say my goodbyes. He had died before my return and it had affected me greatly, leaving behind a permanent scar.
"All this wouldn't have happened if he wasn't sick"
"Mother, please, enough. It's been ages now"
She sighed again, walking towards the bed. "You shouldn't have killed Rose. She was harmless—an innocent girl your brother truly loved"
"Innocent?" I dropped into her chair, a sneer on my face "Oh, come on now, Mother. That word doesn't exist in the world of vampires. She knew what she was getting into, associating herself with one and his family or even asking to be made into one"
My mother sank into her bed. "That's enough now, Azrael. I need to rest and you should too. We've dedicated a lot of time to preparing for the occasion, especially you. Sending out invitations and organizing transportation services for the clans couldn't have been easy. Go to bed, honey"
I nodded and picked up a figurine, toying with it "I'll listen to you, mother. I'll let him have 'compassion' for this Dawn girl. I'll let them have their fun, and then I'll rip her away from him just like I did Rose"
Carefully, I placed the figurine back on the table next to me and arose from the chair.
"He never seems to learn from his mistakes, but I can only hope that this time, he will finally understand the consequences of his actions. Don't think for a moment that I will show mercy, Mother. Oh no, this time will be different. I won't grant her a quick and merciful death like I did with his first love. No, her demise will be slow, agonizing, and brutal" I explained.
"The pain and suffering she faces will be a result of his stubborn refusal to learn. And when it's all over, he will be left to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart, and maybe, just maybe, he will finally learn his lesson."
I tilted my head "Maybe doing that would make him come back to his senses, and forget whatever humanity he's raked up in the past years, returning to the savage beast he once was. The savage beast I created"
I looked at my mother as I pulled open the door "The savage beast worthy enough to bear the title of Alesul. Good night, Mother"
My eyes were cold and emotionless and for the first time, I knew my mother was afraid.
She was afraid of her own son.